12. Talk to Me (2)
“Jihwan, if we revise all of this, we’ll probably have to tear apart and redo more than half of it.”
“For now, all we need to do is check and mark it. We’ll have to change it again to match whatever arrangement the hyungs make anyway, so let’s not do it in advance.”
Only then did Himchan’s face relax slightly as he let out a sigh of relief.
Watching that, I let out a snicker.
I remembered how passionately Himchan had delved into dancing, despite saying things like that.
I couldn’t understand why someone like that was thinking of quitting, but I decided to treat him as if we’d keep being together unless he brought it up himself.
At least Himchan didn’t treat the other members with a two-faced attitude like Kim Wubin.
“We’ll have to completely overhaul the chorus choreography. Sigh….”
Since we didn’t know how the arrangement would turn out, I had suggested we just roughly note the choreography parts we couldn’t touch on our own and discuss it with the hyungs later, but Himchan was already worrying about how to change the dance.
If he liked dancing this much, why….
Suddenly, my chest felt a little tight for no reason.
“Chan, should we take this and go show the hyungs?”
“Us? Won’t they come here after going to the A&R team?”
“I wonder….”
“Besides, I don’t think the hyungs will start working right away over there either.”
I felt strange at how naturally I’d started thinking of and relying on the other members.
Perhaps just as I was influencing them, I was being influenced by them as well.
With the thought of organizing something to put in the proposal, I was looking for what document programs were installed on the laptop when Himchan suddenly spoke to me.
“Jihwan, do you think we can debut?”
“What do you mean by that?”
My head rang as if I’d been struck while off guard.
He should know cameras were rolling everywhere we moved right now, so I hadn’t expected him to come out with something like this so suddenly.
“We’ve gritted our teeth and held on this whole time for that one thing. We have to debut. You and me both.”
“Right. But why do I feel less confident as time goes on?”
Choi Himchan’s inner thoughts, which he had never once revealed to me until now. Confusion and guilt washed over me at once.
Because there had been a time when I’d eavesdropped on Choi Himchan’s innermost feelings without anyone knowing.
“My confidence? I think I lost that a week after entering this place.”
I deliberately tossed the words out with a smile, but his face as he smiled back weakly looked so painful. That sight was seared into my eyes, and for a long while, I agonized over whether to activate a skill internally.
It was Poing who stopped me.
‘I think it’d be better to just listen to him talk right now.’
‘You think so? Could the “Inner Bond” skill I used on him have had an effect?’
‘Maybe. But if you, who aren’t even used to skills yet, use several at once, they’ll probably get tangled up, so just leave it.’
“Himchan, what’s wrong?”
Thinking that Poing, who knew at least a little more than clueless, ignorant me, was right, I plopped down in front of Himchan, who seemed somewhat deflated from trying to hold himself together.
“Team Leader Sohyun said so earlier. That we looked really excited.”
“Yeah.”
“I was excited too, but you looked really happy just now while choreographing.”
“Haha, really?”
“Don’t force yourself to laugh, man. But why are you suddenly so down?”
In Himchan’s hand, he held papers packed with notes about which choreography went with which part of the lyrics, and how best to change them.
Himchan stared at those papers and let out a short laugh.
“I guess I was just a little scared. It’s really right in front of us now.”
“When I was lying in the hospital, I was so scared. Of being cut from this team. My sister told me not to come home unless I completely flopped and nobody else would take me.”
Was it my conscience, which I hadn’t even known existed, suddenly rearing its head? My heart felt like it was beating in my throat.
I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was such trash that I should apologize to Himchan right then and there.
Thankfully, Poing, who usually didn’t even feel like he had any weight, was so warm right now that I could calm my heart.
I had only been thinking of the four members of Unravel I used to like, plus myself.
I could accept that about two-faced Kim Wubin, but I shouldn’t have been like that to Himchan. Yet I had only focused on the fact that I knew the ending of this damned survival program.
The person right in front of my eyes was also someone who had spent years as a trainee, betting his future on this.
How could I have naturally excluded this person from the picture I was drawing, even while sleeping, eating, and practicing together? A chill ran down my entire body.
‘Hey, get a hold of yourself. What are you thinking?’
‘Poing, the future I saw, heard, and experienced could be different from here, right?’
‘Strictly speaking, that place and here are different worlds. So it can change depending on what you do.’
“Chan, whether I get eliminated or you do, let’s do this coolly.”
“Huh?”
He already seemed half out of it.
Seeing someone who had been fine until now like this, my heart sank, worried that the skill I had used had somehow had a negative effect. I carefully chose the words swirling in my mouth and spoke slowly.
“We wanted to stand on stage, we wanted to be loved by people, so we lived in the practice room every single day.”
“That damned practice room.”
“Right, that damned practice room. So I really want to do this coolly.
From start to finish, it’ll be a stage that passed through our hands.”
I thought I had accepted reality, but it seemed I hadn’t.
I had deluded myself into thinking I had fully adapted to my current situation in less than a week. Since I was easygoing by nature and tended to let things slide, I had simply thought I had gotten over this absurd situation quickly.
But I still hadn’t fully acknowledged these people’s existence, and I had been unconsciously treating the people beside me now based on the Unravel from my previous life.
To think I was trying to judge people by my own standards.
I had been doing something incredibly trashy.
“Am I being weird today?”
“Himchan, you’ve always been weird.”
“Ah, come on.”
Thankfully, Himchan had returned somewhat to his usual self, so I cracked a light joke to ease the mood.
“You need to go to that Truth Park too.”
“Truth Park?”
“It exists. If you go and sit side by side with Hajun-hyung, you feel solemn, like you have to tell only the truth.”
“What, somehow that sounds really terrible….”
“By terrible, do you mean sitting next to me, or telling the truth?”
“Ugh!! Hyung! Make some noise when you walk around!”
“Damn, you scared me. I almost cursed. Wow, you startled me….”
I hadn’t even heard the door open; it seemed Hajun and Gyeonghwan had been watching us bicker from behind.
“You two were filming some youth drama, so I left you alone.”
“We were not. Did you come back okay?”
“Yeah, we roughly sketched things out, but we wanted to talk more with you guys for the rest.”
“Did you think about the choreography?”
Naturally gathering in one place again, we began exchanging opinions about the choreography and the song’s atmosphere.
While doing so, I kept checking Himchan’s face and demeanor, and decided I’d drag him somewhere without cameras later to talk.
Thankfully, he wasn’t down like before. No, rather, like someone who had made a decision, he even looked lighter, as if he had shaken off something that had been weighing him down.
“Jihwan and I checked out several stages, but we absolutely can’t create the same atmosphere as the sunbaenim. The stage will look really empty with so few of us. So our conclusion is to completely overhaul the parts that use large formations into four-person versions.”
“Isn’t that song almost all group choreography…?”
“Hahahahahahahaha. That’s right.”
“Then do we have to tear it all out?”
“No. We can’t do that on our own. We need to scale down what can be scaled down and change what needs changing, but we’ve organized it by lyrics.”
When Himchan handed the papers he and I had organized to Hajun and Gyeonghwan, both their faces paled.
“…We’re going to have a very busy week.”
“You hyungs need to give us the final song quickly so we can finalize the choreography and take it to Teacher Jeyeong.”
“Don’t be so scary….”
I patted Gyeonghwan on the shoulder as he clutched his head.
“So, we’ve roughly decided the direction, but how high can Jihwan and Himchan go?”
“You mean vocal range?”
“Yeah, even a rough idea would help so we can change it accordingly. Or just tell me something like, I can sing up to this part of the song.”
“Rather than that, let’s go to the recording studio together. Won’t more diverse opinions come out if we do it together?”
For some reason, Hajun’s face as he suggested going together looked incredibly excited, but I absolutely did not want to follow.
“Haha, hyung, we have dance practice….”
“Stop saying things that aren’t even funny and come along.”
I don’t know why Min Hajun always says scary things with such a gentle smile. He probably already knows it’s even scarier that way.
Unable to escape, Himchan and I were escorted to the recording studio, flanked by Hajun and Gyeonghwan on both sides.
* * *
As the four of us were heading to the recording studio together, we heard someone crying.
It was a voice muffled and crushed from being suppressed, but it was definitely our maknae’s voice.
“Isn’t that Sebin?”
“Hyung, it sounds like Sebin’s voice, why….”
Hajun raised his hand to cover our mouths. Then he gestured to Gyeonghwan to take us and go to the recording studio first, and cautiously approached where the sound was coming from.
And as expected, our maknae was sitting there with a tear-stained face.
“Why are you crying, Sebin?”
“You guys go on ahead. Hyung will talk to Sebin and come.”
“Hyung!”
“You’ll startle him. We’ll talk later.”
Himchan, who had always adored Sebin, flared up at Hajun’s words to go first, but Gyeonghwan and I pulled him away from both sides and left that spot.
“Chan, if we’re all there too, do you think Sebin can talk comfortably?”
“Why is someone who was fine until now crying, seriously.”
“…Let’s not make a fuss for now. We’re at the company.”
There were stories that flowed differently when teams changed, but I had to acknowledge that there were also stories that flowed the same no matter what.
But what I had seen on Idol Creation was a scene where trouble arose from a conflict of opinions between Hajun and Sebin, and an explosion of hurt feelings led Sebin to yell at his hyung while crying.
Sebin was a kid with firm opinions when it came to songs and stages, so if they fought, they would have fought right then and there; he wouldn’t sneak out and cry alone in secret like this.
Recalling various situations, I glanced at Poing, and our eyes met. Poing let out a deep sigh and asked:
‘…Are you telling me to go take a look and come back?’
‘As expected, our Poing is a genius! You know everything without me even saying it.’
‘Haah, you. I really won’t leave you alone.’
Thinking how fortunate it was to have Poing, I looked at Gyeonghwan and Himchan.
It wasn’t a good look to crowd the middle of the hallway where people walked, so we had come inside, but Gyeonghwan, Himchan, and I were all staring at the door with faces full of worry.
What on earth was going on with Team B?