Episode 98
Isaac was developing his own share of resentment toward the adults. It was an age when no amount of affection would suffice. Even if he was a child with a placid disposition, even the slow-witted Isaac could see that all the love and attention meant for him was being poured solely onto his frail older brother. In fact, it would have been strange not to notice.
It was blatant favoritism, nakedly obvious even through young eyes, but Isaac did not reveal his sorrow or beg for affection. Edmund was constantly bedridden with fever, and if he played even a little roughly with Isaac, he would appear the next day covered in bruises. With such a brother, how could he throw a tantrum, demanding to be loved more?
But that was merely a reason to understand the favoritism, not a reason for Isaac to love Edmund. As he gradually grew older, Isaac came to find Edmund annoying and bothersome.
It wasn't a big deal that Edmund, with his frail body, kept inserting himself into Isaac's play in an attempt to act the part of an older brother. What grated on Isaac was the scolding that would rain down on him because of it. Despite never having intended it, whenever Edmund was even slightly hurt or took even the tiniest risk because of Isaac, every arrow was fired at Isaac.
Each time, unable to suppress his indignation, Isaac treated Edmund unpleasantly. Unable to hide his resentment, his eyes were hostile from the start, and his words were sharp. Each time, in the eyes of others, Edmund became the more pitiable older brother, and Isaac became the younger brother who so immaturely hated his own kin.
Still, Isaac was fine. Even if he was unjustly scolded by his father and adult relatives, at least his mother Diane understood him. When he holed up in his room sniffling, she would quietly come in, embrace him, and comfort him. At least she seemed to understand everything. Yes. So at least until then, he was fine.
“Why did you come here?”
It was a day when rain was pouring down violently. Mounted on his horse, Isaac glanced at Edmund with unkind eyes and asked.
The estate was located below a ravine, so there were many gentle hills suitable for riding horses up and down. With his pant hems completely covered in mud, Isaac snapped at Edmund, who had come up the hill on the smallest horse. Edmund said he had done so because he wanted to spend time with Isaac after a long while.
Edmund, who was thirteen at the time, had gone to the capital—which Isaac had never visited—with Caroline and their relatives, and was putting much more effort into his studies than usual. Not only that. He was also meeting regularly with children his own age. Isaac, meanwhile, was merely playing with young servants.
It was a time when his aversion toward Edmund was gradually rising, but even so, Isaac didn't drive away the brother who had stubbornly followed him. At first, the two conversed readily. Then, at some point, things began to freeze over. Edmund talked about his studies and new friends without Isaac even asking. And he casually said that he wished he could ride horses in the fields like Isaac whenever he wanted.
Isaac, who had only recently turned ten, thought Edmund was mocking him. His voice quickly rose. Only the servant standing between the horses of the two brothers watched with wide eyes, stomping his feet in distress.
Isaac thought that perhaps that was the first and last time he had ever raised his voice and fought with Edmund. In any case, Isaac poured out all his pent-up sorrow to Edmund, and upon confirming Edmund staring at him expressionlessly rather than comforting him, he was dumbfounded and turned his horse's head.
‘If only the adults could see him like that. If only they could see that side of him. Who would listen even if I spoke? No one would believe me. Perhaps not even Mother.’
The servant blankly watched Isaac recklessly going down the hill, then quickly mounted his own horse. Then, belatedly turning his head toward Edmund, who had been left alone, he saw that as always, Edmund spoke to him with a magnanimously smiling face.
“Follow my brother. I’m fine.”
Even by the servant's judgment at the time, Isaac was younger, and Edmund didn't seem like the type to recklessly gallop down a rain-soaked hill as Isaac had. So the servant quickly chased after Isaac.
“I holed up in my room without caring in the slightest about Edmund. Then, suddenly, I heard a commotion outside, the door opened, and Father entered. He said that Edmund had fallen from his horse and nearly died. Honestly, I felt nothing particular at that time. Since Edmund was constantly on the verge of dying back then, I think I looked at him almost as if to say, ‘So what?’ That was the first and last time I was slapped. By Mother, who was standing beside him.”
Isaac stated flatly that after that incident, the relationship between the brothers became so twisted that they were worse than strangers.
As Isaac said, afterward, they became people who wouldn't even exchange greetings, let alone face each other. Isaac's reputation, which had at least remained intact within the bounds of family, completely collapsed that day. The relatives pointed fingers at Isaac, calling him the younger brother who had tried to kill his older brother out of jealousy.
He was indignant in his young heart, but Isaac didn't bother to explain himself to others. Because, strictly speaking, that jealousy was included in the animosity—not quite animosity—that he had harbored toward Edmund at the time.
The Count had driven away the servants who presumptuously spoke out of turn, but Isaac gradually began to be isolated in the mansion.
In fact, the isolation—not quite isolation—had been progressing slowly. The second son who caused nothing but accidents no matter what he did; on top of that, a troublemaker who constantly bothered and hurt his brother; and now, an immature child who had intentionally put his frail older brother in a life-threatening crisis. Layer upon layer, the accumulated reputation of Isaac was completed in that manner.
It was a sense of betrayal learned at an early age. Edmund, who had still appeared to love his younger brother on the surface; Edmund, who would apologize with a sorry face whenever Isaac struggled. It took quite a long time to realize that this same Edmund actually regarded him with less joy than anyone, and whenever Isaac was misunderstood, he not merely turned a blind eye but even engineered the situation.
By the time he realized, he had already become estranged from Edmund. Could even that day's incident have been something that occurred under Edmund's planning? Isaac wondered if he would have really done such a reckless thing, staking even his precious life. In any case, only the dead Edmund would know the truth.
Only Edmund, who was already dead.
“The last time I properly conversed with Edmund was when I was twenty-four. It was when I had been fortunate enough to receive a medal from Her Majesty the Queen. I wanted to visit my mother's grave. So when I returned home for the first time in several years, Edmund welcomed me as if he had already become the master of the place.”
At that time, Edmund was already taking care of the estate alongside the Count. Since the Count was away on distant business, Edmund, naturally acting as the Count's representative, received Isaac.
Isaac accepted and drank the alcohol Edmund offered with a reluctant face. The fortunate thing was that by then, Edmund no longer wore his fake smile or treated him with excessive kindness as before.
The two spoke of their childhood while moderately drunk. And Edmund admitted readily. That he had perhaps gone a bit too far when they were young. Yet he did not apologize.
“We simply had the worst compatibility, Isaac. If only you had been a bit weaker. Or if I had been a person with as much conscience as others, we wouldn't have ended up like this.”
Yes. That's all he said.
He never apologized.
“Congratulations on your success. Isaac. You have firmly taken your place, and I have firmly taken mine.”
Edmund added.
“Ideally.”
Since you no longer threaten my position, I no longer need to treat you with sympathy, Edmund said to Isaac in his own way. Then he shamelessly added:
“I was thinking that perhaps we could try to get along now. For Father's sake. And for our late mothers as well.”
Without a single word of apology, Edmund spoke as if merely wrapping things up.
Isaac's story ended here. Of course, he did not lay out all of this story in unabridged detail. However, Sasha could gauge to some extent the gaps between the stories he had omitted with excessive efficiency. She could sense how lonely young Isaac had been all this time.
As Edmund had said himself, even Sasha could feel that the relationship between Isaac and Edmund was not simply a matter of emotional conflict between brothers. It felt like something far more naked and primal, akin to a struggle for survival.
Listening to Isaac's story, Sasha had unknowingly drawn a bird's nest in her mind. The image naturally formed of a small, weak baby bird born first cornering the sturdy baby bird born next, pushing it to the edge, trying to make it fall. Isaac had managed to spread his wings and fly away on his own before falling from the nest. Through the method of enlisting.
Sasha looked at Isaac's profile with an expressionless face. As Edmund had said, had Isaac been of a slightly weaker disposition, or a slightly more calculating disposition, the two might have had a vastly different relationship. Perhaps they would have compromised, or perhaps Isaac would have gradually driven Edmund to his death.
“So, what did you reply?”
‘That's what I would have done.’
Sasha asked, thinking to herself. But Isaac was Isaac. He was an Isaac who reacted with foolish transparency whenever his older brother provoked him, charging straight ahead without looking back.
“I said I didn't want to. That was the last proper conversation I had with Edmund.”
Sasha silently looked up at Isaac's profile. As if merely speaking was exhausting, Isaac sighed and rubbed his face. “But when I went to Edmund's funeral, and now coming back here, I keep thinking of that time.”
Isaac turned his head and carefully looked at Sasha.
Sasha had already sat up from where she had been lying and was facing him. She lightly rubbed her brow bone. And she asked dryly:
“Do you want to forgive him now?”