Chapter 54
A wedding. Now that he actually tried to picture it, Isaac felt as though his hands and feet were curling in on themselves, and even his insides were twisting. In all his life, Isaac had never imagined he would get married. Until before the Selwood operation, he had planned to remain single forever and bury his bones in the army. When he grew old and retired, he had intended to hole up in some suitably quiet countryside and die alone.
Yes. The countryside. Somewhere appropriately barren, where even his grandmother, who bothered him whenever he was about to forget her, would find it difficult to come and go. Some remote rural corner where, at best, a man who had merely received a knighthood could strut about pretending to be the highest-ranking person around.
A place where no news of his half-brother Edmund—whether he married, had children, fell ill, or died—would easily reach him.
When gloomy thoughts of Edmund, who was already dead, began to take over his mind, Isaac quickly tried to push them away.
“Where will we hold the wedding?”
Isaac escaped his thoughts by blurting out the first thing that came to mind. Sasha dipped her quill in ink and answered.
“There’s a small chapel at the mansion. It used to be used for family gatherings, but it’s hardly used now and has been left neglected. It is a little small, though. Is there anywhere else suitable?”
“…I’m not sure. I don’t really know.”
After asking as though he knew something, Isaac answered rather halfheartedly. Fortunately, Sasha did not seem to mind much.
“What about the cathedral in Clumber? That old cathedral. Good. That would be perfect.”
From the start, she did not seem to have had any real intention of asking for his opinion.
“It’s where I went ever since I was young. The priest was also a close friend of my late grandmother. So, yes. If I ask him, he’ll issue the marriage license right away. We won’t need to bother with announcing it to everyone for weeks.”
“…That’s good, then.”
“I did consider forging the documents, but in case something happens, it would be better to make everything certain. It’s best not to create anything people can use against us from the start.”
“I prefer certainty as well.”
Before he knew it, Clumber Cathedral and the unfamiliar priest’s name had been written in her notebook. It seemed she truly intended to get it all done in one breath.
For Isaac, all he had to do was sit still and say, “Very well.”
“The way there are no obstacles makes it seem as though you’ve been planning this for quite some time.”
“Of course not. No. I never even thought of marriage.”
“……”
“Why do you look like you don’t believe me? What I mean is……”
Sasha, who had been speaking smoothly, stopped. Yes. In other words, it was unnatural.
Even so, how was she supposed to make an excuse? It wasn’t as if she could honestly say, I’ve been trapped here my whole life dreaming only of the day I’d be free, so I never had the leisure to think about marriage.
“Have you ever thought about marriage, Captain?”
“No. I intended to live and die single for the rest of my life.”
Despite the rather unnatural change of subject, Isaac answered immediately without much concern.
At the extreme answer, Sasha tilted her head to one side.
“For the rest of your life?”
“For the rest of my life.”
“Alone?”
“Yes.”
When Sasha asked as if confirming, looking a little dazed, Isaac belatedly looked at her as though gauging her reaction.
“Does it sound strange?”
“No. Where were you planning to live alone?”
“The countryside. Anywhere would do, as long as no one could carry news of me elsewhere.”
Isaac said that much, then hesitated before asking.
“…Do you know the rumors about me?”
Sasha looked at him with all trace of laughter gone from her face and quietly asked, “Which rumors?”
“The ones saying I hit someone, or lied, or tormented someone. Things like that.”
Sasha stared at Isaac’s face for a moment, wondering whether she should answer honestly.
But since she had already told him before that she had looked into him, saying there were none would sound absurd. So she obediently nodded.
“To some extent.”
“That I bring misfortune wherever I go.”
“That doesn’t even count as a rumor. Exclude that one, Captain. That’s just something someone who hates you very much went around saying because they were determined to drag you down. Does that even make sense? That you bring misfortune?”
“There are people who believe it. When Edmund died, some people pointed fingers and said it was because of me.”
“Those are simply people who hate you. Surely you don’t believe that nonsense yourself?”
Isaac was silent for a moment.
Then he looked at Sasha with an expressionless face.
“I’m not saying I do. But still, doesn’t it feel unpleasant? It makes me wonder what I must have been like for that sort of nonsense to attach itself to me.”
“…What are you trying to say, Captain?”
After coming this far?
Sasha’s eyes said that as she looked at him.
Those eyes, which had so thoroughly defended and encouraged him, narrowed sharply. Perhaps worried he might withdraw from this verbal contract, she unconsciously put up her guard and stared at Isaac.
How could she be so blatant? Isaac felt as though he might laugh at the sight of her. She truly put only her own plan first.
That obvious calculation, rather…
…Rather, it put him at ease.
“It’s just something I’m saying now, after everything, but. I mean, are you all right even with someone like me?”
“Rumors are nothing.”
“Rumors are not nothing. They make a person ridiculous and even isolate them.”
“I’m not belittling what you went through because of them as nothing, Captain.”
Sasha sounded frustrated as she finished speaking and let out a small sigh.
Isaac belatedly swept his palm roughly over his mouth and chin, as if realizing his mistake.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to criticize you, Miss Grayson.”
“I know. I know that wasn’t what you meant. As long as we both know neither of us meant it that way, isn’t that enough? I’m sorry too, for saying it in a way that could be misunderstood.”
The more he spoke, the more he felt as though he was exposing the lowest parts of himself.
Why was he telling this woman all of this in the first place? Just as that realization struck him anew and Isaac was about to raise his walls again, Sasha leaned toward him a beat faster and called, “Captain.”
“Even so, did the rumors affect what you achieved?”
“What I achieved?”
“Yes. The accomplishments you made in all those operations that made you the youngest captain. Those are things you achieved entirely on your own, regardless of any rumors.”
Isaac was silent for a moment, then quietly answered, “No.”
“This field runs strictly on ability and results. Of course, there are exceptions.”
Thinking of General Thurston, he clenched his teeth for a moment.
“That’s why I enlisted as though I were fleeing……”
“It may have begun as an escape, but in the end, you seized it splendidly through your own ability.”
“……”
“Looking at your case, it makes me think that people assume soldiers are rigid and narrow-minded, but that doesn’t seem to be true. The nobles who believe obvious nonsense meant to make someone look ridiculous are far more narrow-minded.”
Sasha spoke without hesitation, then closed her mouth for a moment.
“Now that I’ve said it, that came out a little strangely. Still, I didn’t choose you because of those accomplishments, Captain. I’m, in the end—”
“I know. The title I’m going to receive.”
Isaac cut her off.
He let out a hollow laugh, as though it were absurd.
“That’s the only thing you’re interested in, Miss Grayson. And the fact that my occupation as a soldier makes me relatively free from your relatives’ influence.”
“……”
“I know.”
“…If you know, then why did you ask?”
Sasha, who had been quietly listening, asked back a little primly.
Isaac said,
“I wondered if you might be made ridiculous because of me.”
“I don’t care.”
“I see. Then since you don’t care, I won’t bring it up again.”
“Yes. Don’t bring it up again.”
No sooner had he finished speaking than Sasha answered clearly, cutting him off.
“Good. Then let’s get back to talking about this plan. We don’t have the leisure to chatter about rumors or anything of the sort. We have to get married within a month.”
The discussion continued with dresses, tuxedos, and wedding rings.
As before, Isaac sat quietly and listened to her, occasionally chiming in with, “Very well.” Just as she wanted.
…Just as you want.
Isaac, who had unconsciously leaned toward Sasha first, Isaac, who had been staring at her eyelashes fluttering softly right in front of his nose, belatedly came to his senses when the lamplight flickered and drew his body back.
“It looks like the oil has run out. One moment.”
When Sasha reached for the lamp, Isaac quickly picked it up before she could and stood.
“I’ll go.”
And then he hurried out of the room as if fleeing.