Chapter 163
It was about three days later that Sasha returned to the mansion.
Before she knew it, there was less than a week left until September. The weather had grown even more capricious. It would rain in the morning, clear again in the afternoon, and then thunder and rain again in the evening. Summer was making one last desperate struggle before retreating, Sasha found herself recalling someone telling her that once when she was young.
As soon as she returned to the mansion, Butler Jason, of course, and all the servants came out together to welcome her. Given the circumstances, it was an even more fervent reception. Sasha still found it a little awkward that they all came out together to greet her. But it was not as uncomfortable as before. She soon smiled easily and thanked everyone for waiting for her. Words that her original self would have found a little embarrassing came out smoothly.
At Isaac’s strong urging, Sasha headed straight for the medical wing. The family doctor, whom Butler Jason had called in advance, was waiting for her. The doctor was to stay at the mansion for the time being and look after her.
Under Isaac’s watchful, almost supervising gaze, the doctor examined Sasha’s arm and checked her injured eardrum as well. The opinion was no different from what she had heard at the hospital: she was to refrain from strenuous exercise for the time being, and above all, be careful not to overwork herself.
While Isaac detained the doctor and began talking about things like a special diet and whatnot, Sasha left the medical wing and hurried up to the bedroom. The bedroom. More precisely, she had business with the desk placed there.
As expected, the letters that had piled up in the meantime were stacked high. There were so many that she did not dare touch the mountain of them. Isaac, who had belatedly followed her upstairs, sat down helplessly beside her and helped sort them by sender.
The Dowager Duchess’s old acquaintances, collateral relatives of the ducal family, Sasha’s acquaintances including Miss Carol, people from Lance Field…….
Lance Field. Isaac frowned when he saw that there were more names besides Matilda and the Major. Hampshire. Even the son of a local notable who had once invited her to a ball and tried to make advances on her had sent her a letter.
“What is it? Someone you know?”
“No.”
“I think this is enough sorting for now. Thank you. I’ll take it from here. Go wash up. You have to leave early for Lance Field tomorrow.”
At Sasha’s words, Isaac looked as though he had suddenly remembered something he needed to say, but soon, seeing how busy she looked, he had no choice but to get up and head to the bathroom. Even after washing up and coming out, he lingered pointlessly beside her at the desk, and only after she finally told him to lie down did he get into bed and fall asleep.
Leaving Isaac asleep behind her, Sasha was busy going through the letters that had accumulated. As they had sorted them, she opened and checked the letters from each group one by one and wrote replies.
Most were from people who had belatedly learned of the incident through the newspaper and were asking after her. Miss Carol in particular had written almost two pages describing, as though she herself had gone through what Sasha had, how dreadful she felt. Her writing was so good that it was entertaining to read even in the midst of it all.
Following Miss Carol, there were also letters from Miss Bernard and Miss Gordon, whom she had met through Carol’s introduction, as well as from people she had only briefly brushed past at parties. If she were to answer every single one, she felt she would have to stay up all night. With a somewhat resolute expression, Sasha stretched her wrist and checked the rest of the letters.
Rachel, Caroline, the Count. She wrote replies first to the letters from Isaac’s family. Then, as she continued writing replies in order, Sasha suddenly found an unexpected name and raised her eyebrows.
Dylan Henson. There was also a letter from the man who had danced with her at the birthday party and had attended her second trial as a witness for the prosecution. Its contents were more lengthy and earnest than she had expected. He seemed to feel no small amount of bewilderment, even guilt, over what had happened to Sasha. Sasha smiled faintly, then moved Henson’s letter to the pile that did not require a reply.
The pocket watch on the table was already nearing three in the morning. After writing a certain number of replies, Sasha brought over the pale green envelope she had set aside in the right-hand corner. The sender was Miss Ivor.
Dear Mrs. Fincher.
I wanted at least to see your face before leaving, but circumstances do not permit it, and it seems I must return to Milfond in haste as soon as the matter is finished, so I am writing this letter.
I have already been with the investigators for four days. They are quite interested not only in Aileen, but also in Mr. Marlborough. In truth, when I brought up Aileen’s story to you, I never imagined it would lead to such a grand investigation.
I thought that, much as with the reason you sought me out, they would simply take the evidence and send me on my way. They appear to be more sincere than I expected. Perhaps, as that child wished, the truth about the deaths of her real parents may be uncovered as well. That would be quite a great gain for me, madam.
Even if they fail to find any clear evidence in the end, I think the very fact that these people’s resolve is so strong will be a great comfort to Aileen. I have given this to that child far too late.
The letter continued on the next page as well. Miss Ivor said that she ran a small orchard in Milfond. The reason she had to return urgently as soon as the matter was over was because it was grape-harvesting season.
It also said that a relative on the maternal side of Aileen—meaning the real Sasha’s mother—had sent a letter to Miss Ivor, cautiously expressing a wish to meet. The farther back the letter went, the more disjointed its contents became. It seemed she had written it while pressed for time.
It is unfortunate that we will not be going to Milfond together, madam. The mansion in Milfond is truly beautiful, and I very much want to show it to you. So when everything is over, I hope you will visit someday.
I truly have no time left now, so I believe I must end this letter here. I sincerely hope you recover smoothly. When I saw you last, it weighed on me that you looked pale throughout, hounded by the trial. Please do not forget that rest is the only thing that will bring about a swift recovery.
I am enclosing the address of the orchard. If you plan to come to Milfond, please be sure to send me a letter in advance. I will have good wine prepared.
May you always be at peace.
Just as Sasha was writing a reply to her letter, a voice called from behind her, “Sasha.”
“This is the last one. Really.”
Isaac did not seem to believe her. After Sasha finally put the last reply into an envelope, Isaac picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed.
＊＊＊
As scheduled, Isaac left the mansion early in the morning. Sasha only woke around noon.
She went down late to the dining room and finished her meal, then stopped by to see the doctor. After that, she went up to the bedroom and, with Maud’s help, changed into clothes for going out. As Maud dressed her in the drab gown Sasha had chosen, she suggested a comparatively ornate pair of satin gloves. Sasha shook her head, and only after hearing Sasha’s destination did Maud look convinced and quickly bring a different pair of gloves.
She was not going anywhere far, so she had just finished making simple preparations to go out and was coming out of the room. From the other side, Butler Jason addressed Sasha.
He said Theodore had come.
Sasha blinked in momentary surprise, then soon went down to the first floor where Theodore was. Theodore was waiting for her, looking even thinner than when she had last seen him. As always, his features were sharp and severe. The old man had an appearance that anyone would find difficult to approach. He had been the same when he came to take her away as a child.
“……You’re leaving?”
He had never once treated Sasha warmly. He had kept more distance from Sasha than even his master had.
As if it had always been only natural that before long they would never see each other again.
Sasha was still distant with him. Although he was one of the people who had drawn her into this life, he felt farther away than anyone else in the mansion.
Perhaps because of that, even when he suddenly came and said he was leaving, she was not greatly surprised.
“You can stay here. What I mean is…….”
Even though she had no affectionate memories with Theodore, not even a memory of having had a warm conversation with him, she said that first.
Theodore shook his head as though he understood what Sasha meant. The old man had aged even more in the meantime. It did not seem likely that anyone would accept a servant of his age. And now, even less could she imagine that old man mixing among young people to farm or work in a factory.
With an unsmiling face, Theodore told her not to worry about him. He said only that the time had come to wash his hands of it and leave. He spoke with a detached expression, like an old knight who had fulfilled his final duty.
“……I see.”
“You do not blame me for anything.”
When Sasha accepted it, the old man said that. It sounded as if he had come prepared to receive Sasha’s interrogation or her venting of anger one last time. Right, so that had been his purpose.
But those were emotions that had already passed. At the time, she had vented her anger, in her own way, on the innocent lawyer, and now it was simply.
Adjusting her gloves, Sasha looked at the old man with an expressionless face.
“Actually, I was on my way to see the Dowager Duchess.”
“…….”
“Since this is the last time, would you like to come with me? You said you would never come here again.”
“No.”
A plain answer came from the old man. Sasha looked at him calmly and said, “I see.”
Theodore rose from his seat as though he truly meant to leave now. Sasha asked him one last question.
“……Do you think this turned out well?”
“What do you mean?”
“In the end, the family that person tried so hard to protect has been completely smashed to pieces.”
Sasha spoke with an unfiltered, blunt expression.
Theodore looked at her without any change in expression.
“I do not know all of her intentions.”
Theodore answered calmly. Sasha stared at him with a face as expressionless as Theodore’s.
“Then whom am I supposed to ask?”
Without answering, Theodore put on the hat he had been holding.
“Well. In any case, the mistress left everything to you. She was a meticulous person who took every situation into account, no matter what it was, so perhaps…….”
“You’re saying she may have done it knowing it might turn out like this.”
“I am not her, so I do not know. I am sorry, madam.”
Those were Theodore’s final words. As they always had, they exchanged dry farewells no different from before. Theodore left without even once looking back at the mansion he had gone in and out of for so many years.
＊＊＊
‘Then who on earth am I supposed to ask now?’
The sky was overcast, and Sasha now stood before the gravestone. It was a gravestone she had not visited once since the funeral.
Ridiculously enough, it was because the person who had told her to study and take care of all sorts of things had not written in the will that Sasha should look after her gravestone. Still, people were watching, so she ought to go at least for appearances’ sake, she had thought, putting it off and off until it had been delayed all the way to today.
Sasha gazed at the gravestone with a blank face. The stone, not yet a year old, was darker than the others beside it.
Before long, Sasha knelt in front of the grave and stared at it expressionlessly for a long while.
So what on earth had you been thinking? What had your intention been? And how, exactly, had you thought of me all this time?
That was what Sasha wanted to ask. She wanted to ask just how that person had regarded her. When she had treated her purely as a substitute, and yet had left behind that damned will as though she had arranged for the smooth future of a mere substitute.
……Just what did you think of me?
Had it been belated guilt that made you do it, or had it been for the sake of maintaining that perfect lie until the very end?
……Or.
Or perhaps.
She wanted to ask, yet she did not want to ask.
She was curious, yet she was not curious.
Sasha wanted to demand an explanation from her, and at the same time, she did not want to give her the chance to explain.
Sasha straightened from where she had been bent over. Then, after staring at the gravestone for a long while, she turned away without looking back even once, just as Theodore had done, and walked straight out.
By the time she returned to the mansion, the sun was blazing brightly once more.
Instead of entering the building, Sasha headed for the garden behind the main house. She walked through the well-tended garden, then, as if moved by a sudden impulse, lay down right where she was.
The carefully maintained grass tickled her skin through her thin dress. Sasha paid it no mind and lay in the shade, gazing up at the blue sky and looking around the garden where she lay.
And at the mansion she had always regarded as nothing more than a comfortable prison, at the figures of people passing between its windows.
Lastly, she stared for a long while at a back gate pillar that seemed to hold no meaning at all, then closed her eyes.
Now, she did not want to ask anything at all, but only that one thing was regrettable.
It was regrettable that she could not say that, in the end, she had uncovered everything you had hidden, and not merely uncovered it, but cut it all to pieces. What kind of reaction would she show?
Only not knowing that was regrettable.
Sasha drew in a deep breath and rubbed her cheek.
A languid drowsiness came over her.
With dazed eyes, Sasha looked around at the scenery once more.
‘At least it doesn’t feel as suffocating as it did before.’
Rather, enough to make her sleepy.
……Enough for that.
Sasha murmured inwardly, and soon curled up, breathing softly as she fell asleep.