013 – What Kind of Noonas Do You Like? #1
The Thief Guild that wouldn’t open the bathroom door.
I cannot tolerate such heinous criminals.
I refuse to live under the same sky as them—!
So I went to find Mr. Hammer, who was fast asleep and completely drunk.
“Mr. Hammer, do you know the Thief Guild’s hideout? Please mark it on this map for me!”
“Uh… Number… three… manhole cover….”
Perfect.
Near the training grounds.
Not far at all.
I changed my clothes and headed to the training grounds.
The sewer cover marked with a 「3」.
Creak—.
When I opened it, a ladder leading down to an underground passage was visible, reeking of urine.
Splash—!
The sewer was pitch-black, like walking through the inside of an enormous serpent’s maw, but thanks to the 「Black Eye」 I received from Ashibar, I could walk with a decent amount of light.
You know how raising the monitor’s gamma lets you see stuff you normally couldn’t see in the dark?
That was exactly my current state.
After walking like that for a while, a fairly wide open space appeared.
Several people were there, striking poses as they sat atop boxes or collapsed stone pillars and the like.
They gave off the feeling of some villainous organization straight out of a comic book.
Phantom Troupe or Akatsuki.
Whatever they were, these bastards were my enemies.
“Which bastard locked our unit’s bathroom door?”
I was someone who normally used honorifics with people.
First impressions are important, after all.
But there was no need to bother looking good in front of these beasts.
So when I issued my threat, a few shadows hidden in the darkness revealed themselves.
Some wore pulled-up hoods.
Or masks pulled over their faces, as if advertising to anyone who saw them that they were criminals.
But there were also some who notably exposed their faces and figures.
“That would be me?”
Her skin was as translucent as moonlight, and her chest was large.
She had long hair tied back for ease of movement.
She wore skin-tight leather clothes, and the zipper on her chest was open, giving off a rather exposing feeling.
“Just why did you do such a terrible thing? You nearly trampled my dignity!”
For some reason, honorifics came out of my mouth.
Damn it! It was because my attitude always turned gentlemanly in front of women with big chests.
I needed to fix this habit somehow, and soon.
Soon, the woman introduced herself.
“I’m Germaine, branch chief of the Thief Guild’s Barrier branch.”
Swish—!
The moment she finished speaking, she soared like a cat and landed softly beside me.
Not a single footstep sounded.
‘This one’s a powerhouse.’
She might even be a match for Felix. At least level 15 class.
My hand moved toward my dagger, but my waist was empty.
My dagger was spinning round and round in Germaine’s hand.
“I didn’t think you’d make it straight here through the traps and fake paths. You’re pretty good, huh? So it’s true what they said—you really dunked Aekku.”
Traps? Fake paths?
There were things like that?
More importantly, they say I dunked Aekku.
He should be freely wandering around college, turned into a sea creature by now.
“I don’t know about anything else, but I wasn’t the one who dunked Aekku.”
“Hey, no need to be humble in this line of work! We know well how much of a nuisance that raccoon-like bastard is. Right?”
“He was an unlucky bastard. I wanted to dunk him myself, so it’s a shame.”
“Turning that Aekku into fish paste. How the hell did you do it?”
“You can tell just by looking at him. His potential isn’t just yellow—it’s gleaming bright gold!”
I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but with everyone praising me like this, my nose itched.
So when I rubbed the tip of my nose, Germaine asked casually,
“You like money, don’t you?”
“Is there anyone who hates money?”
“Good, no need to see more. You pass!”
Germaine returned my dagger to me.
She grabbed the blade side and offered me the handle—a thoughtfulness rarely seen among thieves, to the point that it was touching.
“Let me get straight to the point. Want to go into business with us?”
“Business? What kind of work?”
“We sell Ether to the Empire’s rich folks. For cash.”
“You don’t level up?”
“We’re not combat classes, so our leveling efficiency is low.”
Germaine shrugged her shoulders.
“You just need to invest the bare minimum in equipment, enough so you don’t die.”
“…Is that really okay?”
“Yeah. You convert everything you earn into gold and prepare for retirement. Life at the Barrier is short, but life in the Empire is long, right?”
Instead of using Ether to gear up or raise levels, you convert it into money—.
It was a strangely familiar method.
For some reason, the people before me were starting to feel like family.
They were people I’d just met, yet they felt like the neighborhood hyungs and noonas I’d known for ages.
Sway—.
Germaine leaned in slightly and whispered.
“What do you say—want to work with us? It’s not a bad offer. Our Thief Guild also custom-sells thief equipment and work tools to guild members.”
It seemed like a good offer in many ways.
Come to think of it, Mr. Hammer had told me I needed to get geared up too.
Upgrading equipment items is the flower and foundation of hunting.
Good thief equipment, handled by the Thief Guild itself?
It made sense in its own way.
‘But it’s best to think these things over for a long time.’
The problem is that offers that sound too good often leave a bad aftertaste.
The terms only benefit me.
What losses and risks would I have to bear?
Then, Germaine’s eyebrows furrowed.
“…But Yor, it’s a wonder you’ve survived in the back alleys with such a ‘habit.’ It’s practically strange that you haven’t collapsed until now.”
“Habit?”
“What, you didn’t know? Then trust this noona and try just one thing. From now on, for exactly one day, carry around this beer mug.”
Pourrrrrr—.
Germaine handed me a beer mug filled to the brim.
“But you can’t spill a single drop.”
“Why would I do that?”
“You won’t do it for free? Fine, then I’ll give you a down payment.”
Germaine wrapped her arms around mine.
And then, smack—she pressed her lips against my cheek.
“Uhh-uhh.”
“How’s that? Is this enough as payment?”
Her body smelled strangely of oil.
And the smell of iron, and sweat laced with tension.
But it felt more thrilling than the cosmetics of some noble lady I’d caught a whiff of before.
The thieves laughed heartily as they watched me.
“Oh my, seems that little guy has caught Germaine’s fancy. To think the fickle Germaine would want to take a disciple.”
“Kid, try asking to touch her boobs. She might let you!”
“Puhaha! You wanna lose your fingers? Like I did!”
Everyone’s having fun.
How embarrassing.
But this kind of atmosphere was somewhat familiar.
I didn’t want to admit it, but being here put me at ease.
Honestly, the idea of selling Ether for physical cash was also a bit interesting.
Noona Germaine might not be such a bad person after all.
Even if she did lock the bathroom door, I mean.
Maybe she had her reasons.
“But what if I fail this strange training?”
“Then only you’ll regret it.”
What exactly would I regret?
Having filled our quota, our party had a relaxed schedule.
So, we decided to take a day of rest.
“Ugh, my head. How much did I drink yesterday? But Yor, what are you doing with that beer mug?”
“Hey, Mr. Hammer, stay away from me!”
I couldn’t properly rest because I was too focused on not spilling the beer.
I had to avoid approaching people and other variables, and even when eating, I was so focused on the mug in my hand that I didn’t know where my food was going.
My brain felt like it was splitting in two.
Wait, aren’t brains already split in two?
Anyway, I felt like I was being tricked in many ways.
But with a faint hope, I faithfully carried out this beer mug training.
One hour, two hours.
As the time spent holding the mug increased, I could feel the trembling in my arm gradually subsiding.
The waves that had seemed about to spill at any moment grew calmer and calmer.
“Wah!”
Even when Hermit suddenly jumped out and startled me, I didn’t panic.
“What, you’re not surprised?”
“I could see your jester hat from far away.”
“Tch, no fun. So what kind of training are you doing anyway?”
“I don’t know either.”
“…What do you mean…?”
And so, before I knew it, it was evening.
While doing my business in the bathroom, I felt something cold approaching my waist.
So when I shot my hand out with a smack—there was Noona Germaine, giggling with her wrist caught in my grip.
“Oho, you’re not falling for it so easily this time? And your beer didn’t even spill.”
“Ooh, what was that just now? It felt like I had eyes on my back!”
“Huh? It’s nothing. You were so focused on your surroundings that your concentration was overly scattered, Yor. I just fixed that briefly through training.”
“Concentration?”
I’d often been told I was distractable.
Even when I was in school, I used to run around on top of desks and get scolded by teachers.
“It’s training to concentrate on yourself while still being sensitive to external changes. It’s a basic skill you need to survive as a thief in the back alleys and the night lands, where variables are numerous, so practice it whenever you can.”
“Yes!”
“Then let’s move straight to practical training. Brigadier General Ezekiel is coming to meet your unit soon, right? Can you bring me just one of Ezekiel’s buttons? Then I’ll fix that bigger habit of yours too.”
“A bigger habit?”
“Being weak to women.”
Noona Germaine pulled the zipper of her leather clothes down—ziiip.
In an instant, all eyes were drawn, and my beer mug sloshed—splash.
“See.”
“Ack! How exactly are you going to fix this?”
“Well, that’s even simpler. That method is—.”
…..
….
...
..
.
“Yor, is there something wrong with my clothes?”
At Brigadier General Ezekiel’s voice, I snapped back to my senses.
Maybe because of Noona Germaine’s proposal yesterday, I found myself staring at Brigadier General Ezekiel’s clothes and buttons for no reason.
To me like that, Brigadier General Ezekiel opened his narrow eyes.
“For a mere recruit to not focus on my words is a bit impertinent.”
“How could I let Brigadier General Ezekiel’s words go in one ear and out the other? I heard everything.”
“Really? Then do you remember what I just said?”
“Of course I remember. You said you came to commend me for my recent achievements, and that you were treating me to a delicious lunch like this.”
“You remember surprisingly well.”
Miss Germaine’s special training had really worked.
Maybe it was because I could now use my concentration efficiently.
Even while daydreaming, I could easily notice external changes.
The problem was how to steal that flawless Brigadier General Ezekiel’s button.
Even when I used my concentration to devise a plan, the solution wasn’t visible in many ways.
“Yor, could it be that you want my button?”
“Huh?”
“Then I’ll give it to you.”
Wha—!?
How can I be this lucky!