<126> Side Story. 18
I've lost count of how many times this has been. Ja-kyung looked at his face in the mirror, wearing a dissatisfied expression the entire time. Kang Il-hyun had just changed the red necktie he had tied to a cobalt blue one. When he asked if this was better, Ja-kyung nodded vaguely. His hair was fixed in a pomade style, and at a glance, it looked similar to Il-hyun's hairstyle. It looks fucking old.
"Your forehead is pretty, so it looks nice even when slicked back."
"I hate this hair."
"Why? It looks cool."
"Now I understand why you look old, Representative. It's the hair."
When Ja-kyung messed up his hair, Il-hyun clicked his tongue and untied the necktie again. Then he compared different colors. Ja-kyung grumbled that he didn't know if they were going for a genetic test or a blind date, and Il-hyun chuckled.
"Do you want to go on a blind date?"
"No."
"Tell me if you do."
"Are you serious?"
"I know someone who would be perfect for you."
"…."
"He's handsome, rich, has a very sensual dick too, and though he looks a bit old for his age, he loves you the most."
Ja-kyung laughed in disbelief. Il-hyun pulled the newly tied necktie and fixed his bangs, then turned him around to face the mirror. Looking at his reflection, Ja-kyung nodded. It's okay. Kang Il-hyun's hand, which had been on his shoulder, slid down his arm and wrapped around his waist. He buried his face between his shoulder and neck, complaining with a sigh mixed in.
"Ah, I don't want to go to work. I want to go with you."
Ja-kyung gently pushed Kang Il-hyun away. He had refused his request to come along, but it seemed hard for him to let go.
"It's nothing special, so there's no need."
"Why are you so calm?"
He shrugged his shoulders. It felt strange, but it wasn't close to being wistful. Whatever the result, nothing would change. I am Ja-kyung, and I've come too far to live as Jang Gyeong-jun. Il-hyun, who had been staring at him, grabbed his cheek and kissed his lips with a smack.
"Come back safely."
He nodded and smiled. Knock, knock. With the knock, Park Tae-soo entered. He had decided to accompany him instead of Kang Il-hyun. After putting on his watch, he came outside, and the Wang brothers, who had been waiting, took turns hugging him.
"Wei, don't go and cry."
"Okay."
Wang Lun, who was patting his back, made a strange "keup" sound and turned around to look at the ceiling. His large body shook up and down. When a flustered Ja-kyung asked Han if he was crying, he pushed his back, telling him not to worry about it.
Going with Park Tae-soo to meet Jang Tae-ho, dark clouds filled the sky and raindrops started falling one or two at a time, then later poured like a torrential downpour. When they arrived at their destination and the car stopped, Park Tae-soo held up a large black umbrella so he wouldn't get wet.
When they entered the Genetic Identification Center following the guide, they found Jang Tae-ho who had arrived first. He was sitting still in a chair, looking straight ahead. Ja-kyung walked over to him and gave an awkward greeting.
"Hello…."
On Jang Tae-ho's face as he turned around, tension and anxiety could be read. He stood up from his seat and smiled faintly.
"Welcome. It's raining a lot outside, right?"
"Yes…."
"Was the traffic bad?"
"Yes…."
He didn't have much to say, so he just answered. After that, both of them fell silent. He took a seat a little distance away from him and waited, and after a while, a staff member came and swabbed the inside of his mouth with a cotton swab. The staff member seemed to be acquainted with Jang Tae-ho.
They said it would take about 3 hours for the results to come out, and Ja-kyung was planning to go home and wait. Then Jang Tae-ho called out to Ja-kyung.
"If it's okay, would you like to come to my house and wait? It doesn't look like the rain will stop easily… It's close from here."
Ah… Ja-kyung, who was pondering, looked at Park Tae-soo. He showed no reaction. Is that okay? After thinking about it, he nodded. The two came out and moved to their respective cars.
As he said, the house wasn't far away. And it was different from what he had seen at night. Perhaps because he had been there once, the house seemed familiar. Leaving Park Tae-soo, who said he would wait in the car, he followed him into the house. Pushing open the gate and entering, the yard was full of dead trees and overgrown weeds.
Jang Tae-ho, who entered first, hurriedly cleared away the scattered things, looking embarrassed.
"It's not usually this dirty…."
Ja-kyung smiled awkwardly. A lie. Last time he came, it was even dirtier. He couldn't bring himself to say that he had secretly come once. Late, he remembered the wiretaps and cameras installed in every corner of the house. He should retrieve them properly since he's seen them. They were expensive, after all.
"Would you like some tea?"
Jang Tae-ho asked, and Ja-kyung shook his head. Nevertheless, he brought bottled orange juice and handed it to Ja-kyung. Ja-kyung looked around the living room while holding the juice. The family photo he had seen before was hanging on one wall. He was staring at it intently when Jang Tae-ho's gaze remained fixed on Ja-kyung's face. When he turned his head, their eyes met, and Jang Tae-ho smiled, trying to look calm.
"I didn't think so when I saw it in the photo, but seeing it in person…."
He mumbled his words and swallowed them, so he couldn't understand properly. Perhaps he wanted to say that he resembled someone. Ja-kyung guessed who that was through the photo. The face of a woman who appeared to be his mother in the family, especially her eyes, was very similar to Ja-kyung's.
Both were silent, and 3 hours felt as long as 3 days. Jang Tae-ho made calls for work in between, and fortunately he left his seat; otherwise, Ja-kyung would have been unable to bear the suffocation and would have run out. As time passed, a message came from Kang Il-hyun. He was asking if the results had come out. As he was replying to him, a call came to Jang Tae-ho.
Checking the number, he answered the phone with a tense face and looked at Ja-kyung. Ja-kyung also held his phone and just observed his face. His expression changed little by little. How should he explain that? Suddenly, Kang Il-hyun came to mind. Kang Il-hyun, who died and woke up a year ago, seemed to have made a similar expression when looking at Ja-kyung.
Jang Tae-ho, who hung up the phone, looked complicated. He took a deep breath, his eyes quickly turned red, his lips parted and closed, and then he buried his face in both hands as if collapsing. Ja-kyung also couldn't move, holding his cell phone in his hand.
***
He got off work late. All day, he couldn't focus on work because he kept thinking about Ja-kyung. The way home felt particularly long today. Climbing the stairs, he heard noisy laughter from the second floor. Il-hyun headed toward the source of the sound. Wang Han and Wang Lun were holding something, drinking and laughing.
As he entered, Wang Lun acknowledged him.
"Representative Kang, come here. You have no idea how cute Wei was as a baby."
What they were looking at was an album. Going closer to look, beside the album, someone's handwriting was written. The date the child was born, the child's actions, and small incidents at the time the photos were taken were recorded like a diary. Our pretty Gyeong-jun. Our lovely Gyeong-jun. Our…
Il-hyun chuckled. She was a good mother. The person who gave birth to Ja-kyung.
"By the way, where did he go? I don't see him."
Wang Han pointed to the bedroom with his hand. He went in saying he was going to sleep. He said he seemed to be feeling unsettled and had informed him in advance. Il-hyun stood up from his seat and entered the bedroom. The room was dark with the lights off, and thanks to the light coming in from the window, he could at least confirm that Ja-kyung was lying on the bed.
As he approached, he tossed and turned and turned his back.
"You're late."
Il-hyun sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Ja-kyung's cheek.
"Congratulations. You have a brother."
Ja-kyung laughed silently.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Just…."
Ja-kyung trailed off, and Il-hyun didn't press him.
"He keeps saying he's sorry to me. Saying he lost me… If he had just held my hand properly… that wouldn't have happened."
As soon as they heard the result that the two were biologically related, Jang Tae-ho wept silently for a long time. And he kept saying he was sorry. He said he couldn't even look at his parents' faces properly because he thought it was his fault. He said he suffered from guilt his whole life, thinking that their early death was also his fault. He said he was glad to find him now. He said thank you for appearing now, and that he was grateful just for him being alive.
"And."
"Our parents… died. He said they couldn't sleep peacefully a single day while searching for me. He said they believed I was alive somewhere and worried only about me until they died…."
Il-hyun came up onto the bed, pulled Ja-kyung in and held him in his arms. He gently stroked his back as if soothing him. If you want to cry, you can cry. At those words, Ja-kyung let out a long breath as if sighing. His eyes burned and the pit of his stomach felt numb. He gritted his teeth harder to suppress his emotions.
"I'm sorry… I thought I'd be okay…."
He thought it wouldn't matter. He was calm when he heard the results, but seeing the childhood photos and videos that Jang Tae-ho showed him, he realized that he wasn't okay at all.
"It's unfair… and infuriating…."
"Fuck… how could they… to a kid who had parents… fuck…."
Uncontrollable anger surged. If he could, he wanted to find them and ask why they did that, why they did that to him of all people, and hold them accountable. As the emotions burst like a flood, Ja-kyung sobbed with his shoulders shaking. The more he did, the more strength went into Kang Il-hyun's arms holding him.
It's okay. It's all okay. If you want to cry, cry.