Damn Idol, Chapter 185
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A person’s perception can truly change so many things.
One piece of proof is the Olympics.
If you look at Olympic records throughout history, with the exception of a handful of events where tremendous geniuses appeared, records have always drawn a steady upward curve.
The marathon world record in 1908 was 2 hours, 55 minutes, and 18 seconds.
Back then, it was only natural that running a distance of 42.195 kilometers would take close to three hours.
So newcomers who entered the marathon world struggled to reach the 2-hour-50-minute range.
But geniuses continued to appear, and records were broken little by little.
When the 2-hour-50-minute range was reduced to the 2-hour-30-minute range after thirty years, people’s perception changed.
They began to think that the marathon was a sport where running 42.195 kilometers took two and a half hours.
Another thirty years passed, and the 2-hour-10-minute range, once called an insurmountable wall, was broken.
Around then, people believed it.
That one day, a human being would be able to cross the finish line in under two hours.
And that belief was rewarded.
As of 2018, marathoners are knocking on the wall of the 2-hour-1-minute range.
And though it is a future that has not yet arrived, the two-hour wall will be broken before long.
The reason something like this can happen is very simple.
Because you believe you can do it, you can do it.
The evolution of marathon equipment, the evolution of the human body, and scientific training all had a great influence, of course.
But even if all those things existed, in 1908, a person absolutely could not have crossed the finish line in under two hours.
Because they would have thought it was impossible.
From that perspective, I had always been a marathoner running on a closed timeline, forced to break the records I had set myself.
No one gave me a guide.
No one told me how I could sell more albums.
So at first, I tried to steal other people’s fame.
Because I stole songs that had achieved massive success in the previous round and released them under my own name.
But this was not a particularly excellent method.
Leaving aside the moral perspective, songs that achieve massive success often do so because they connect to the singer’s narrative.
You can steal a vibe, but you can’t steal a narrative.
And later, I learned the truth.
That the people in the timelines where I had stayed remained in those worlds even after I left.
For a while, every time I remembered that fact, I retched.
Because I couldn’t bear how much honor, happiness, and futures the ugly thefts I had committed had stolen from so many people.
After that, I tried to broaden the horizons of my genre.
Beyond being a vocalist who could play a listenable guitar, I tried to become someone who could do everything.
House, hip-hop, blues, and so on.
I tried to make myself into the widest vessel possible, so that I could draw out the feel of whatever genre was needed at the moment it was needed.
It wasn’t a bad attempt.
But it was not the path to going beyond first-rate.
What mattered was depth rather than breadth.
Around then, I returned to the fundamentals again.
I worked to make everything precise.
First, I focused on singing the notes written precisely on the staff.
C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C.
Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si, do.
There is no one in this world who knows how much time I spent in order to sing that accurately.
I sought out countless people with perfect pitch and asked them how that sound was heard, and I worked to grasp the subtle changes in scale that came with pronunciation.
Ah
—the C produced with that pronunciation, and KaK
—the C produced with that pronunciation, I worked so that they would sound the same to those who possessed perfect pitch.
I was not born with perfect pitch, but through this process, I acquired it.
After that, I worked to express flat notes, and then I worked to express synthesized sounds.
Strangely, however, it was then that my album sales fell most disastrously.
It was also the only time Selfish failed to reach number one on the Billboard chart.
Second place was an incredible record as well, but it was strange because Selfish was a song that had always taken first.
The one who gave me the answer then was Dromen.
Dromen was an R&B singer who appeared like a comet in 2017, and he becomes a superstar within three years.
But what mattered more than the fame he possessed was that he truly had an absurd vocal talent.
There was even a time when I was jealous of him.
Well, once my vocal tone tuning is finished, my skills will be better.
In any case, Dromen, with whom I had become acquainted because I needed people with perfect pitch, said this to me.
“Something being accurate doesn’t necessarily mean it’s beautiful, right? If your obsession with accurate notes goes too far, it isn’t beautiful.”
That was when I realized it.
That expressing the intervals between notes and the pressure of the sound was just as important as expressing an accurate scale.
From Dromen’s point of view, it must have been absurd.
He advised me not to obsess over accurate scales, but instead, I began obsessing over intervals and sound pressure too.
But from the standpoint of a regressor, it was inevitable.
Unlike people who live only one life, a regressor must not focus on the realm of feeling or sensation.
Feelings and sensations cannot be accumulated.
They cannot be transferred to the next round.
The only things I can transfer are knowledge and process.
From then on, I once again worked to produce a beautiful sound through accurate scales.
It was easy to say, but I feel like I spent decades on that one thing alone.
To compare it to a marathon, I was a marathoner running alone.
Someone who struggled alone, ran alone, and recorded the results alone.
In that way, I broke my records one second at a time.
And after spending such an enormous length of time, I realized it.
That my method of producing “sound” had been completed.
After two years from my regression, my skills no longer improve.
If I tune my vocal tone for two years, the sound is completed.
The way to use that sound has already been completed.
To be honest, I thought no one would ever be able to use my method accurately.
It was something I gained through effort over an incredibly long time, and it was a process I never wanted to tread again.
I could not learn by watching others, and there were no standards of any kind.
Between a regressor’s depression, paranoia, and compulsion, even I don’t know how I reached this realm.
But…….
Going back to the beginning again…….
A person’s perception can truly change so many things.
I swam through the deep sea with endless doubts about whether I could do it.
But Lee Ion was different.
“Hyung, your vocal tone is one that has no choice but to become the protagonist.”
“Now sing do-mi-sol here. On the exact notes.”
“It’s not that your scale is wrong. If you look at it harmonically, this is also a normal C chord.”
“It’s that your vocal tone doesn’t blend. With other people’s voices. That’s why it sounds like a dissonance.”
I don’t know what Lee Ion felt at the time, but he accepted my criticism.
That is an astonishing thing.
Human beings are inherently animals that hate admitting they are wrong, so there was a high chance he would instinctively ignore what I said.
But he did not, and because of that, Sedal Baegil exists.
If Lee Ion had been that sort of person, we would not have made it this far.
We would have creaked and faltered before countless obstacles.
Lee Ion seems to think that he does not play much of a role within Sedal Baegil, but I do not think so.
If Ion hyung had not been there, our team could not have existed.
And so, he asked.
“Sion. Is there really no way for me to overcome my vocal tone?”
“Even with the way you sang under the streetlamp?”
“Judge Lee Changjun said that, didn’t he? That you handled your voice like an instrument.”
“Can’t I do that too?”
My answer to that was negative.
“It’ll be too difficult. Even if you manage to embody it in practice, we won’t know how it’ll go in a real performance.”
“Then what if it’s just two bars?”
“……The possibility would go up. But hyung.”
“Yeah.”
“Then on the final stage, your solo part will be less than ten seconds.”
“I still want to do it.”
Lee Ion gave up on becoming the protagonist himself.
Honestly, if it had been me in my first round, I would never have been able to act like Lee Ion.
I was someone who could only be satisfied if I became the protagonist, and I was someone who wanted to shine the brightest.
It is not just me.
The entertainment industry, show business, K-pop, Billboard, Hollywood…….
The members of that strange world, where people burn their talent to receive applause, all live with such emotions.
Because it is a place you cannot endure if you don’t even have those feelings.
But Lee Ion gave that up, believed in me, and followed me.
At the time, I could not understand it.
But now I know.
Lee Ion believed in me.
He is a person so lacking in talent that he cannot even guess how vast my skill is.
Paradoxically, that ignorance and inadequacy created absolute faith.
Since Sion can do it, I should be able to do it too.
If I just do as Sion tells me, I should be able to reach it someday.
Under that absurd and preposterous faith…….
The present moment exists.
Watching the hand I had placed on the synthesizer tremble faintly, I was a little startled.
“…….”
I am someone who always sinks deeply into the stage, but this is not my stage.
It is someone else’s stage.
Lee Ion and I can now be said to have a special relationship, but even so, he and I are others.
Because I am a regressor.
Because with a single regression, I am someone who turns every connection and narrative into nothing.
So I don’t think I have ever been this desperate for someone else’s song.
But I truly want Lee Ion and Gu Taehwan to receive all of the people’s applause.
Amid those emotions, my hands moved, and Lee Ion began to sing.
If you don’t need it anymore
Why did you give it to me
The thing that belonged to you
Why did you share it with me
If the sight of those two singing in front of the camera is broadcast.
If people all over the world see it, what will they think?
Surprise that Gu Taehwan is not taking the opening?
Surprise that Lee Ion is taking the opening?
Surprise that, while we said we were releasing an album, a unit of Gu Taehwan and Lee Ion is appearing?
I hope it is none of those.
What I want is for them to simply be surprised by the two of their songs.
Lee Ion has overcome his vocal tone.
His roughness has become uniqueness, and the grating feeling has become a special quality that captures attention.
He believed in me, and I guided him.
The devil is a funny bastard.
Even if I take some singer and produce every track on their album, and direct the recording of every track on their album, he absolutely does not fully count the sales.
If one copy is sold, it is roughly counted as about 0.5 copies.
If my share is low, it can even drop to 0.1 or 0.2 copies.
If you think about it coldly, in Sedal Baegil, which is made up of five people, my share is 20%.
So it is a reasonable logic that if one album is sold, it is counted as 0.2 albums.
But a “team” is different.
I have no idea why the devil places value on a team, but albums sold as Sedal Baegil are counted in full.
It will likely be the same for the unit of Gu Taehwan and Lee Ion.
Because they are my team.
Behind Lee Ion’s voice, Gu Taehwan’s languid voice falls.
I didn’t take what was yours
I didn’t covet what was yours
I didn’t steal what was yours
No, I just held on tight
I gave Gu Taehwan the opening because his sense of rhythm suits the intro well, but also because he stands out compared to the other Sedal Baegil members.
If Gu Taehwan’s voice eats up the highlight in the middle, the other members’ singing loses strength.
And this is still a valid proposition.
Choe Jaeseong and On Saemiro would both lose strength if placed next to Gu Taehwan.
Even if On Saemiro sings better than Gu Taehwan.
But if there is one exception, it is Lee Ion.
The cruel process
Of taking what was two
And making it one again
Why did you throw me into it
Lee Ion’s voice, impossible to stop focusing on, forms a new realm behind Gu Taehwan’s voice as it falls, drop by drop.
The genre I love most is blues, and I like R&B, which was formed from it.
Rhythm and blues.
Gu Taehwan’s rhythm and Lee Ion’s blues.
The song created by the two of them.
This song they are singing now is the title track of the unit album that Gu Taehwan and Lee Ion will release.