Damn Idol Episode 145
* * *
I hate this damned show business.
An industry that earns money by showing things devours its members' souls and erases their personalities.
What blooms where souls are devoured is commerciality, and what is needed in place of personality is marketability.
At first, the artist's mind is preoccupied with business.
How much money I made, how much I will make, how much I can make.
But the moment success is taken for granted, business ceases to matter, and you focus on the show.
You fret over what, and how much, you must show to make people happy.
It is not a bad thing.
Being able to create something the public enjoys is a great talent.
The problem is that from this moment, the artist's standard becomes not themselves, but all of you.
Whether I'm truly smiling.
Or whether I'm smiling because you like it.
From the moment that becomes unclear, the word "self" vanishes, and the human mind crumbles.
I have seen countless singers resort to self-destructive acts in order to overcome that.
To the public, they repeat behavior that makes people wonder, "Why do they live like that when they earn so much money?"
But I can understand them.
Because self-destructive behavior is the easiest means to prove that you exist.
But then what about me?
How can I, who wander endlessly within a closed timeline, possibly prove myself to myself?
No matter how self-destructively I act, I cannot feel myself.
Hands that trembled from alcoholism return to normal with a single regression.
Even throwing hundreds of thousands of dollars out a hotel window is meaningless.
So there was a time when I repeated regressions while suffering from schizophrenia.
No, it's not even an illness.
In reality, there is no boundary between reality and imagination.
But one day, at a concert hall, I thought:
Even if all of this is the delusion of a schizophrenia patient, even if it is a Truman Show toying with me.
Surely the joy of those cheering people over there cannot all be fake.
Even if this is a worldline I departed and disappeared from, the experience of having enjoyed my songs will not vanish.
It was an incredibly simple thought, but I was only able to accept it after dozens upon dozens of regressions.
From then on, my standard became all of you.
The only realism within a closed timeline where all standards have vanished.
Today, too, I want to have that.
This place is neither a stadium nor a concert hall.
It is merely a music show created solely for show business.
But still, I want to feel alive.
I want to make even those who do not cheer for Sae Dalbaekil lose their minds and scream.
"Yeah, got it."
"Let's do it."
The members suddenly speak to me.
Did I say something?
I seemed to be lost in thought; I must have spoken without realizing it.
Then the music show staff signaled, and we took the stage.
A moment later.
The intro began to play.
* * *
The sound of flames burning could be heard, and between them flowed the drawn-out sound of a whistle.
The members of Sae Dalbaekil, arranged in formation, didn't stir an inch, yet for some reason they didn't look static.
At that moment.
[Focus……]
[State of mind!]
The moment the intro, created with I Ion's voice, signaled the start, a melody that felt crisp yet grimy poured down.
Riding the melody, Goo Taehwan signaled the start as always.
Confused, the Dangerous Things inside me
Han Sion had once suggested to Goo Taehwan on Coming Up Next that he should sing in a two-four rhythm.
This was advice given because Goo Taehwan had been unable to make use of his unique sense of rhythm.
But now, Goo Taehwan was unbothered by whether it was a two-four rhythm or a one-three rhythm.
If you ask what good music needs, there are too many answers.
But if you ask what addictive music needs, Han Sion would have answered with this first.
An intro that hooks you the moment you hear it.
The power to make you stop and want to hear more even if you happened across it on the street.
Goo Taehwan had that.
No, Sae Dalbaekil had that.
Dangerous Trip, I'm watching from here
Taking over from Goo Taehwan's start was Choe Jaeseong.
It was clearly a two-step choreography that felt like walking forward.
But Choe Jaeseong split the beat in half and stepped back.
This created an optical illusion with his entire body, like a moonwalk, but he didn't keep retreating.
I Ion and On Saemiro, positioned to his left and right, grabbed Choe Jaeseong's shoulders firmly—and then burst out.
Sometimes you look at me as if you can't understand me at all, I know, I know
While the members moved forward honing their individual strengths, I Ion was focusing on perfectly eliminating his weaknesses.
He couldn't erase the rough quality of his tone itself.
But if I Ion could hit the exact notes, Han Sion was a producer who could turn that roughness into charm.
This part was exactly that.
Amid the dizzyingly intersecting choreography, On Saemiro and I Ion mixed together so seamlessly that you couldn't tell who had sung which word.
"Sometimes" was sung by On Saemiro, and "you look at me" by I Ion.
"Can't understand" was again On Saemiro, and "not" and "seems like" by I Ion.
Strictly speaking, this wasn't a case of dividing the song between them.
The lyrical sentence structure was arranged that way, but the melody structure was not.
Han Sion had structured the melody so that it would sound fine even if On Saemiro sang it alone, and intentionally added I Ion's parts into the gaps he had created.
It was a device where if I Ion hit the precise notes, it produced an entirely different flavor.
When On Saemiro sang alone, it was a clean melody, but when I Ion cut in, it gave a dirty taste, as if distortion had been added.
But there would be no one who disliked that dirtiness.
"Whoa, shit."
"What is this?"
A music show is quite a cruel program.
Usually, audience members come having already decided which singer they support, so they don't react much to other singers' songs.
But the harmony created by On Saemiro and I Ion—if it could even be called that—made exclamations pour out automatically.
It looked dazzling, but what entered the ears was captivating.
That disharmony was more charming than perfect harmony.
It was then.
Han Sion slid forward as if gliding and began to sing.
State Of Mind was, by genre, clearly emo hip hop (Emo Hiphop).
For Han Sion, who liked mixing various genres, it was rare to push forward so consistently with a single genre.
When people say emo hip hop, they often think of mumble or cloud music, but in truth, emo hip hop is the descendant of hardcore rock.
More precisely, it was born under the influence of post-hardcore rock, which was the next step after hardcore rock.
In other words, emo hip hop is also characterized by emotional melodies, complex rhythmic changes, and frantic variations within the song.
And dare I say, the one who did it best in this world was Han Sion.
Starting with the sensation of two feet touching the ground—the Illusion Theme.
At the distant boundary between illusion and delusion, Han Sion charged in with syncopation, dropping notes by semitones before suddenly pulling the melody forward.
If experts had been watching, they would have been startled by Han Sion's breath control.
The note that started on the off-beat landed on the downbeat, yet the measure that had been aligned to the snare drum shifted to the hi-hat.
No one would know whether to call it on-beat or off-beat.
But by now, Han Sion was no longer buried in such technicalities.
As long as it sounded good, that was enough.
Before anyone knew it, the pulled-forward melody formed a laid-back groove, and a melody sharper than the beat fired out.
The most fantastic thing was…….
-Boundary!
-Delusion!
It was the voices of the Sae Dalbaekil fandom, singing along to the fanchant, matching that rhythm precisely.
Realism.
I can feel that I am alive.
I am pleased to see even those who had no intention of cheering for Sae Dalbaekil standing with their mouths open.
I want auditory pleasure to well up in those pupils.
At that moment, the group dance fired off.
They moved their bodies expansively to a finely subdivided beat, members crisscrossing left and right as they linked hand gestures.
The way they broke apart and came back together created a sense of unity.
State Of Mind was, in the end, a story about the state of mind.
Not necessarily a story from the music video's narrative.
Han Sion—and Sae Dalbaekil—had lingered in confusion for some time.
After Coming Up Next ended, at the approaching moment of choice, they had chosen adventure over stability.
And though they had succeeded, they could not rest easy.
Danger still lurked, and the piercing gazes watching them still existed.
It was confusing, like Goo Taehwan's lyrics.
A dangerous trip, like Choe Jaeseong's lyrics; not understood, like the words of On Saemiro and I Ion.
Han Sion stood at a boundary where all of this seemed like an illusion.
Even with both feet planted on the ground, he couldn't be sure that was where he stood.
But precisely because of that…….
La
- La
Focus on me
State of Mind
I must focus on the state of mind.
Before I knew it, it had become not "my mind," but "our mind," but that was fine.
Because they were all thinking the same thing.
A cheer that felt unsuited for a music show seemed to burst from somewhere.
The Sae Dalbaekil members had no leisure to look at one another as they digested the choreography and song, but they knew.
What expressions they were making.
Probably…….
They were smiling.
* * *
-Wtf, this is insane
-I thought the music video was fucking awesome, but nope lollll Sae Dalbaekil is just fucking awesome lollll
-Yo, K-pop's future is really bright.
-TT's eye for talent is insane. Honestly, I thought it was whack when I saw people asking Sae Dalbaekil to do idol music lol but are they really this good?
-This album is only 13,000 won. Should I buy one too?
-Welcome aboard, sir!!!!
-I guess our kids don't care about making money TT_TT I love that they give out goods, but I'm worried for them TT_TT
-Don't worry lol with their skills they're really gonna make it big lol wow they're seriously good. I'm impressed.
-What do those bastards who spread malicious rumors that Han Sion promoted using his parents' money even do for a living? At this level, agencies would be lining up for him
-Yeah yeah, after seeing the stage I just think that was seriously nonsense
-Finally!!! The fancam will be released, right?!
-Huh? If you go to Sae Dalbaekil's homepage, they already have the world's most expensive fancam though?
-Ah, that lolololol
-lolololololol
-What's this. I think I'm becoming a fan. Someone tell me too. I want to laugh.
-Hipsionshik. I'll swallow my pride and buy this album. That way they'll make the next one too, right?
-Me too lol but can't they do the next album in post-hardcore? If they fill the album with S.O.M. songs, I can pay fifty thousand won
-Where can I buy the album???
-Just go to the official site
-Isn't the official site only for fan club members to log into?
-Nope. The album reservation page is accessible as a non-member or temporary member
-When do they recruit the next batch for the fan club?
* * *
The issue related to Han Sion's parents had been truly shocking, and enormous.
Therefore, those involved had thought that Sae Dalbaekil's activities might shrink for the time being.
But they did not.
[Music Taste ‖ Sae Dalbaekil Colorful Struggle (Kpop Remix)]
[Music Taste ‖ Sae Dalbaekil State Of Mind]
Far from it—the music and the stage were simply too outstanding.