Preparation (1)
It was a cold winter.
I could feel the chill of the frozen earth through my knees, which had sunk to the ground.
The faces of those standing around me were hidden in shadow, but I could at least tell what kind of looks they were giving me.
Pity? Sympathy?
No.
It was indifference, devoid of anything at all.
Amid those gazes, I was looking only at the woman’s face.
Her tears flowed without end, and her hand stroked my cheek.
I could not say a word.
I merely stared at the woman with hollow eyes.
[I’m sorry….]
I did not know what meaning lay within the apology that spilled from the woman’s lips.
What for?
What could she possibly be sorry to me for?
[Mother is sorry….]
She repeated the words in a sorrowful voice.
I still could not say anything.
What expression had my father been wearing as he stood beside us?
I could not bring myself to look up.
If I had looked up then, I surely would have crumbled.
No—had I not already crumbled at that moment?
[…Stop crying.]
My father’s firm voice rang out.
My mother’s hand, which had been touching my cheek, slowly fell.
[…I’m sorry.]
Those damned three words sank into my chest.
Whose sin was this?
Snow began to fall.
My body gradually started to tremble from the cold.
The outer garment my mother had hurriedly wrapped around me slipped away in the wind, but no one paid it any mind.
This was the first cold I had ever experienced since being born.
It was not the cold of the season, but a sensation that froze me from within.
Only then did I realize that it was far more frightening.
[Is everything prepared?]
[It is all finished.]
After a few exchanges, my mother lowered her head deeply.
I watched her quietly before asking my father.
[…Why?]
I did not dare raise my eyes.
But I knew that my father was looking at me now.
[…Why are you showing me this?]
I could not understand.
Why did I have to see this?
Why did I have to do nothing but watch my mother’s tears?
I did not know.
Nor did I want to understand.
[What in the world do you want from me…?]
[What I want from you?]
My father’s low voice pressed down upon my shoulders.
What emotion could be felt in his voice?
Anger?
It was too calm for that.
Sorrow?
It was far too dry a voice for that.
[Nothing.]
At my father’s words, I unconsciously raised my gaze and met his eyes.
[I want nothing from you. Just stay alive. That is enough.]
At the words contained in his sharp gaze, I desperately suppressed the feeling of my heart being squeezed tight.
After staring into my eyes for a long while, he shifted his gaze away.
[I will open it.]
As he spoke, he made a small, trembling gesture. Behind my mother, a massive door appeared, tearing through empty space.
The crimson aura emanating from the door as it appeared amid a gust of wind carried a metallic, fishy smell.
[What is this….]
As I felt confusion and fear, my mother carefully took my hand.
I looked at her with trembling eyes, but her head was bowed, and I could not see her properly.
[…Please take care of Ryeonghwa.]
[Mother…?]
Even then, I wanted to hold on to her.
Where were we supposed to go? Why did she have to leave us behind?
I hurriedly reached out, though perhaps it was already too late to ask.
But when the energy flowing through the doorway touched my mother, her body began to disappear in an instant.
[No…. No! Mother!]
I moved desperately, trying to grab hold of anything, but my father’s hand shoved me backward.
I barely regained my balance and tried to throw myself forward again, but in that brief moment, the door had already closed.
There was nothing left where my mother had been sitting.
As if nothing had happened at all.
[Why…? Why, why?]
Why were you doing this to us?
I wailed, pouring all the emotions curled up inside me into my voice, but my father still did not look at me.
I had never wanted him to love me.
I had known from the beginning that he was a man far removed from such things, so I was fine with that.
I had never wanted him to place his hopes in me. I had been too young even then, and merely protecting what I had was already more than I could manage.
[…Why…! Why? Why, why! Why!!]
I rushed at my father and pounded against him with all my strength, as though beating on a wall.
It probably did not leave so much as a mark, but I felt as though I would go mad if I did not do at least this much.
When the strength drained from my arms and I could no longer swing them, my father spoke to me.
[Are you satisfied?]
His words sounded as though every emotion within him had dried up and withered away.
In the end, I sank to the ground at those words.
Pitch-black darkness descended before my eyes.
Only then did my young self understand.
This was despair.
As I crouched there, overwhelmed by that foul, nauseating emotion, gasping for breath amid my flowing tears—
My father passed me without a care and said,
[Follow me. There is something I must show you.]
Though he said that, in truth, it was not a request.
My body was already being seized and dragged away.
I could not think of anything, nor did I want to think of anything.
All I wanted was to be crushed beneath the darkness and disappear.
But it did not end there.
In the underground depths of the Gu Clan, where my father led me by the hand, I came to understand what kind of place the Gu Clan truly was.
What it had been created for, and what we were meant to live for.
My father called it the karma of both you and me.
Damn him.
On that pitch-black winter night, I had to realize it.
The life that lay ahead of me would surely be hell.
******************
At the Sword Empress’s question, I had to keep my mouth shut for quite some time.
It was an unexpected question.
I had never imagined that she would ask me something like this.
‘…About Mother?’
She had said she was Mother’s friend, so it was possible. But that was not what puzzled me.
Had Gu Ryeonghwa never told her?
Or did she know something?
I knew that Gu Ryeonghwa had been watching that day.
However, she had lost consciousness soon after, so I did not think she had seen everything.
“Why are you curious about that?”
My voice had unconsciously taken on a slight edge. I needed to smooth out my thoughts.
The Sword Empress maintained a calm expression.
Where had Mother gone? It was something I had wondered about throughout my life.
Ironically, I only came to realize the answer after meeting the Heavenly Demon.
“Mother passed away.”
Did she really?
I questioned it myself, but I did not want to open that door.
It was better to leave Gu Ryeonghwa’s resentment and hatred intact.
The truth was a sin.
And damn it, I had to carry it with me.
“It is a matter concerning the clan, so I do not think I can tell you the details.”
I deliberately made it clear that I did not wish to answer.
That was better than needlessly speaking in circles or trailing off at the end of my words.
The Sword Empress stared into my eyes for a long while after hearing my answer.
I did not avoid her gaze either.
After the lengthy eye contact ended, the Sword Empress closed her eyes.
“I see…. I’m sorry for asking about something painful.”
“It is all right. It happened in the past.”
“Thank you for understanding. Ah… I was wondering when you planned to return to the clan.”
“I should be back within a day or two.”
“The Jehwajeon will begin soon, though…?”
Judging by the Sword Empress’s reaction, she did not yet know that Gu Ryeonghwa had said she would not return home.
“I was originally planning to wait and leave with her, but my sister said she would not go to the clan, so I intend to depart early.”
At set intervals, Gu Ryeonghwa was required to return from the Mount Hua Sect to the clan.
That had been one of the conditions the clan head had imposed on the Sword Empress.
In that sense, I was supposed to bring her back no matter what.
But considering why Father had sent me to the Mount Hua Sect, even wagering the Taeseondan on it—
‘By the terms of the agreement, I have to bring her back, but I’m in a position where I don’t have to carry it out if I throw a fit.’
The higher-ups of the clan and the Council of Elders were probably watching.
If I claimed that I had been obstinate, I would be punished, but it would not lead to any major problems.
‘If they’re so damn bothered, they can deal with it themselves.’
If that had not been their intention, they could handle it on their own.
If they were unhappy, they should never have sent me.
I did not want to forcibly bring back a child who said she did not want to go.
‘Having to do what I don’t want to do is enough if it’s only me.’
It was enough if I alone had to reclaim, one by one, the things I had abandoned in my previous life.
The Sword Empress wore a strange expression at my words.
I had spoken as though there would be no problem if possible, but perhaps there really was an issue after all.
Contrary to my concerns, however, the Sword Empress soon nodded and said she understood.
“I see. Very well.”
With that, the Sword Empress immediately rose to her feet.
“I’m sorry for taking up your time.”
“…Are you leaving?”
“I’ve said everything I needed to say, so I should hurry and disappear. The gazes from outside are rather frightening as well.”
The gazes were frightening…?
The Sword Empress stepped outside, and I followed to see her off.
“I look forward to hearing what favor you intend to ask of me.”
“You needn’t look forward to it.”
It was important in its own way, but… it was something I still needed to think about.
“Next time, I think the Divine Doctor will come with me.”
“…There is no need for him to come. I will visit you before I return.”
At my words, the Sword Empress smiled with her eyes and vaguely brushed the matter aside.
What was that? Was she indicating that she would not listen…? I had to admit, it was a little frightening.
“Hm?”
When I followed the Sword Empress outside, Gu Ryeonghwa and Namgung Bia were standing there.
I had assumed they had gone to train again today, so what was this about?
Namgung Bia silently looked back and forth between the Sword Empress and me with her expressionless face.
I was about to approach her, wondering what was wrong, when the Sword Empress went to Namgung Bia first.
“So you are that child.”
As the Sword Empress approached, Namgung Bia looked slightly surprised.
Since the Sword Empress was her senior as a martial artist, Namgung Bia seemed about to bow and offer her greetings.
But the Sword Empress gently took Namgung Bia’s hand.
“…Oh!”
“Thank you for saving my disciple…. Truly, thank you.”
“No…. It was nothing.”
Namgung Bia looked bewildered and slightly flustered. It was an unusual sight.
“I have heard a great deal about you from my disciple. She told me there was a beautiful older sister who looked after her and helped her.”
“…Uh….”
Perhaps embarrassed, Namgung Bia averted her gaze slightly.
“As I heard, you are exceedingly lovely. I have never seen a child as beautiful as you in all my life.”
As the praise continued, Namgung Bia lowered her head further, as though she wanted to bury it in the ground.
Looking at Namgung Bia, the Sword Empress said,
“I heard you are Yangcheon’s fiancée.”
Yangcheon?
I wondered what she meant by the name that came from the Sword Empress’s mouth.
I had never expected her to call him so familiarly.
Namgung Bia gave a slight nod.
It seemed she had no intention whatsoever of denying it.
By now, I had half given up on the matter myself…
“You and Yangcheon both have such beautiful hearts. I am certain you will make a wonderful pair.”
‘No matter how I look at it, that’s not true.’
It was not the sort of atmosphere in which I could say that aloud, so I held my tongue, but I denied it immediately in my heart.
The Sword Empress left after saying that she wanted to see Namgung Bia once more so she could repay her properly next time.
After confirming that the Sword Empress had departed, I asked Namgung Bia,
“Didn’t you go train?”
“…No.”
Fortunately, her broken arm seemed to have healed within a few days, and she had removed the bandages.
“…Hmm, that’s a relief… Wait, what’s wrong?”
“Hm?”
“No, you just seem to be in a good mood.”
Was I imagining it?
I felt as though Namgung Bia was smiling faintly.
Her face was expressionless as usual, but… how should I put it? She simply seemed to be in a good mood.
“Nothing happened.”
That was how Namgung Bia answered my question.
But to me, she definitely looked happy.
‘Is it because she was praised?’
No matter how many times people called her pretty, she had never seemed particularly concerned by it.
Perhaps she was more susceptible to compliments than I had thought.
******************
On the way back to the cabin, the Sword Empress thought,
‘…What could have happened?’
It concerned the children’s mother.
Gu Yangcheon clearly seemed to know something.
Yet he was deliberately trying to hide it.
If she pressed any further, he might even show hostility.
That was not what the Sword Empress wanted.
Not only did she owe him her life, she also felt guilty for having been unable to do anything, unlike Gu Ryeonghwa.
She wanted her disciple to be happy.
It was something she had always thought of as a master.
When her chronic illness had brought her close to death, she had wished for nothing more than her disciple’s happiness.
“Ryeonghwa.”
At the Sword Empress’s call, Gu Ryeonghwa stopped walking.
Perhaps simply holding hands as they walked was enough to make her happy, for her face was blooming with smiles.
“I heard you said you would not return to the clan. Is that true?”
“Ah….”
At the Sword Empress’s words, a shadow instantly fell across Gu Ryeonghwa’s face.
“It’s just… I said I didn’t want to go, and he told me I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to….”
“Even so, you must return. Is that not what you promised?”
“But…!”
Gu Ryeonghwa could not answer.
She knew that the Sword Empress had recovered her health. It was a miracle.
They could take walks together again, something they had once been unable to do, and whenever she had time, the Sword Empress would even guide her in swordsmanship.
For Gu Ryeonghwa, it was a dreamlike period.
That was why she hesitated all the more.
It was true that she did not want to return to the clan, but that was not the only reason.
The first reason was that the Sword Empress had so little time left.
And now, the reason was—
‘…What if something happens again while I’m gone?’
It was simply anxiety.
The Sword Empress noticed and gently stroked Gu Ryeonghwa’s head.
“Do not worry.”
“Master….”
“You are so anxious, so let us go together this time.”
“What…?”
At the Sword Empress’s sudden, incomprehensible declaration, Gu Ryeonghwa’s expression became strange.
Seeing her like that, the Sword Empress burst into laughter. It was not an empty lie meant to soothe her.
She was sincere.
“It seems I have business to attend to at the Gu Clan as well, so let us go together this time.”
The Sword Empress was going with her?
A question mark seemed to appear above Gu Ryeonghwa’s head.