My life was like a long cave.
Not a single ray of light entered, so I could not see an inch ahead.
I had come too far to turn back, so I could not even afford to contemplate it.
And yet, it was a life bereft of even the hope that there might be an end if I continued forward.
Endlessly, I walked and walked again.
When my feet tripped and I fell, I stood back up and walked again.
When the darkness grew terrifying and my body trembled with fear, I endured and walked again.
I lived like that.
No, was it even right to say that I lived?
I asked myself, and I answered myself.
When a question was posed, I gave an answer.
That it was something someone had to do, and I was merely the one who did it.
Then, to that answer, I asked anew.
Could I truly excuse myself by saying it was something that needed to be done?
Did justice and conviction exist within that act?
"…"
I did not answer.
It was true that I could not.
I knew.
That such things did not exist within me.
Since when had I dreamed of righteousness?
I never dreamed it.
I had never possessed it to begin with, nor had I ever wished for it.
Then, what was my justice?
For what had I lived that life?
I was swept away by the raging current, unable to withstand it.
First, I offered that as my excuse.
It could not be helped.
It was the best I could do.
Otherwise, I would die.
That was why I had no choice.
I lived thinking thus, but.
"Really?"
When I pressed further, the answer was already decided.
"No."
It was all self-justification.
To begin with, I should never have entered the cave.
I knew it, yet I walked in myself.
Why? Because there was nowhere else to flee.
Having entered like that, I searched endlessly.
For the one who had pushed me in the back.
Someone had pushed me into the cave, and because I was living like this, there simply had to be someone to blame.
Even when I trembled in the darkness.
Even when I walked on endlessly, unable to find hope.
Even when I tired and sat down, wailing.
I searched for someone to blame.
I knew.
That there was no one to blame, I already knew.
It was just.
I could not admit it, so I needed someone to blame.
That was the life I lived.
A life in which I fled inside, failed to reach the end of the cave, and withered away in the darkness.
A life like a cockroach that died fleeing, having never seen a single light.
I died living like that and regressed.
I never thought of it as a miracle.
Because it was something I had never wished for, I feared to even express that I welcomed it.
I simply obtained it, so I lived. This time, I would live a somewhat different life.
I would hide away in a remote mountain village where no one knew, living so quietly that neither mouse nor bird would know.
I lived thinking that, but.
"It didn't go as you wished."
Truly, nothing ever goes as you wish.
The gust I failed to stop swept me up once more.
When I opened my eyes, I had already become the eye of the typhoon.
"Was this something I couldn't avoid after all?"
Is fate something a mere human cannot stop?
Am I destined to be swept away by the surging waves in the end?
Then, what on earth should I do?
I.
What should I do?
"What are you worrying about?"
"I" spoke.
"You simply need to ensure it doesn't turn out that way."
If I am bound to be swept away.
Let us make the oncoming wind blow shallower.
Or, let us make it so the wind does not blow at all.
Wouldn't that suffice?
*Shiiiiik-!*
Heat rises.
The seething emotions affected my eyeballs.
Energy seeps into my body.
There is a harbinger ahead.
A harbinger that, left alone, would become a wind to sweep me away.
A force that would become a typhoon to shake the entire world, not merely me.
Thus, I must chew and swallow it before it blows.
Before it becomes a greater disaster, I must deal with it now.
For what?
Taking the place of the Divine Sword.
"To ultimately save the world…."
...
...
Save the world?
"Me?"
*Crack—!!*
*Bang-!*
Tan, which had been flying toward Cheonma, changed angle and crashed into the trees beside her.
*Ssss….*
Tan, having struck the trees, could inflict no direct damage aside from its authority, and so dispersed into mist.
I, who had altered Tan's trajectory, had to look at Cheonma with my body stiffened.
"Huu… huk… huu."
Hot breath flowed out roughly.
My body burned with emotions surging up to my head.
"Haa… hu…."
Repeatedly exhaling deep breaths, I covered my forehead with my palm.
Something was strange.
Saving the world.
I stiffened at the words I had thought myself.
"Huuk… huu…!"
Beyond my rough breathing, I cooled my hardened head.
"Me, save the world?"
To call it a reason was far too narrow.
"Save? Who's saving what?"
I kill Cheonma to save the world.
I save the world by taking the place of the Divine Sword.
That was the pretext under which I acted.
However.
"Do I even have the right to do that?"
*Rustle.*
When the thought occurred, strength left my hand.
"…Haa…. Ha…."
I had forgotten what my first goal was after regressing.
"Live while running away."
That was my goal.
I had to run away from what I had done and escape what was to come, lying low and holding my breath.
That was definitely my goal, but.
As matters grew tangled and entwined, hadn't my way of thinking changed?
Since I had gained things to protect, I decided to try and stop the Bloody Calamity.
That was why I started.
I had to move for the sake of what I must protect, without distinguishing between means and methods.
I convinced myself of that.
I did not hesitate to kill.
Those who were meant to die in my previous life, I captured and turned into demonkin.
Most were ones I would use and then kill later.
There were some I would use and discard, and some I would use as shields.
Though I chose to do it because they were ones to be killed, I knew from the start that it was not the right thing.
But I did not care.
I had no lingering attachments, and it had been long since I cast away my guilt.
This was what I had been preparing through such means, but.
Is this truly an act to save the world?
"Perhaps it could be."
The goal I am heading toward could be that.
But.
"Do you really think you're doing this for that?"
An act to save the world.
Did I truly think that way?
It sent chills down my spine.
"Where exactly did it break?"
I was on the verge of suffocation at the thought I had come up with myself.
Didn't I already know?
That I had no interest whatsoever in saving the world.
It was nothing more than an extra.
"I don't give a damn if this world collapses or not."
Since when had I started thinking as if I had become a hero?
Something was wrong with my senses.
My heated head gradually cooled.
My pupils began to return to normal.
Only then did I see.
*Drip.*
Cheonma, looking this way while bleeding.
With eyes that somehow looked sad, blood trickled from the corner of her mouth.
Those eyes were repulsive.
Was it because they were such damned similar eyes? They were all the more repulsive for it.
And yet, inwardly, I asked.
"That bleeding woman."
Is she truly the calamity you believe her to be?
"If she isn't a calamity, then what?"
I held fast to my thoughts.
I simply faltered because she looked exactly like Wi Seola.
Surely that was it.
A way to kill Cheonma.
No, I had obtained hope that I could kill her.
My Tan could even devour Cheonma's power. I felt such conviction.
If so, all I had to do was rush in and devour her this instant, and yet…
"Why didn't you dodge?"
My mouth posed the question to Cheonma.
"…"
"You could have dodged well enough. I'm asking why you didn't."
The barrier broke.
Thus, Cheonma was struck by the Flame Prison, but in truth, that level was something she could dodge.
But Cheonma did not dodge.
It was the same earlier—she had let herself be dragged into something she had no need to be dragged into, and without counterattacking my assaults, she had taken them all.
"You were the same just now. You were going to take this one too, weren't you?"
Tan charged at Cheonma's barrier.
If she had eyes, she would know.
That Tan could chew up and swallow her barrier.
*Swhoo.*
I saw Cheonma's broken barrier regenerating.
It seemed I could simply break it, but destroying it completely was beyond me.
Even so, being able to create an opportunity was no different.
Then, when she should have been struggling to dodge Tan, she was simply watching Tan charge at her.
"Why didn't you dodge? Did you think you could win even without it?"
"…"
"Answer me. What on earth were you thinking—"
"Because you seemed to want to do that."
"What?"
To my rough question, Cheonma answered calmly.
"You looked uncomfortable. You seemed to want to do it. So I stayed."
"What are you saying? Answer properly…."
"Isn't that so?"
At her words as she tilted her head, the retort I was about to spit out was momentarily blocked.
But it was only an instant.
"So, are you trying to die for me?"
If I wanted to strike her, she took the blow.
If I wanted to drag her, she let herself be dragged.
Now, since I was trying to kill her, did that mean she was thinking of finally dying for me?
To such a question, Cheonma answered immediately.
"You wouldn't have killed me."
I ground my teeth at the subtle conviction.
"Bullshit. Then what the hell was I doing until just now, playing house?"
Hadn't I been struggling to kill her by any means necessary?
How could she have such a fucking conviction?
"You wouldn't have done that."
"That's why I'm asking. Why are you so sure?"
"I don't know. But I feel like you wouldn't. Besides."
Cheonma wiped the last traces of blood with her sleeve.
"My sister told me not to fight recklessly."
"…Ha."
*Fwoosh-!*
I cupped flames at my fingertips.
By repeating compression and rotation, I cast the Sacred Spear.
Far more energy seeped in than when I first used it.
The limit of what I could contain and control.
Thirty percent of my total internal energy.
If the Sacred Spear I used earlier was ten percent, this was three times that amount.
"You think I can't kill you?"
What a ridiculous thing to say.
It was none other than Cheonma before me.
Regardless of how different her appearance and aura were from my memories.
She was still the one who had caused the Bloody Calamity in my previous life.
And I was saying I couldn't kill someone like that?
"Cut the crap."
I aimed the completed Sacred Spear at Cheonma.
"If you won't resist, just stay as you are. It's easier."
Don't be bewitched by that appearance.
"I'm going to kill you here."
"…"
Even at the warning, Cheonma showed no reaction.
She simply looked at me with her purple pupils.
That same reaction, as always.
"Yeah, let's see if you won't dodge until the—"
"No."
I flinched.
At the words Cheonma uttered the moment I was about to change stance, my body stiffened briefly.
No?
"What's 'no' all of a sudden?"
"I am not 'you'."
What kind of bullshit was that?
I furrowed my brow, scrunching up my face.
"My name is… not something like 'you'…."
Cheonma, who was about to continue speaking, suddenly closed her mouth.
Frustration seeped into her expressionless face.
"A name?"
Cheonma's name.
I think Gu Huibi had called her something like a lover earlier. I wondered if she meant that.
No, did she even have a name to begin with?
She called herself Cheonma. She had never spoken anything else.
"What is your name?"
"…"
I asked, but Cheonma remained silent as ever.
If she was going to say no, she should have had a name ready to speak.
Then.
"I don't know. I can't remember."
Cheonma bit her lip as though frustrated, and after saying that…
"…What was my name?"
Instead, she looked at me and asked.