[What are you.]
It was the question Old Man Shin asked Noe-a when Goe Seon, the White Lotus Sword, and Namgung Bia left the room.
When I heard that Namgung Bia was going to the North Sea, I had half lost my senses and demanded an answer from Namgung Myeong.
But he gave none.
As the silence continued, I gradually grew angry.
By then, I was already half out of my mind.
Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the blood and heat boiling within me had risen all the way to the top of my head.
I was in a state where anger I could hardly control was surging up.
Thinking back on it now, it was simply strange. Even if the situation had been unexpected, it was hardly something worth getting that angry over.
The emotions I found difficult to control were always a hindrance.
The problem was that even when I knew that, I still could not control them.
‘What do you mean, what am I?’
Just before I shouted in a voice heated with anger, Old Man Shin cut in, giving me enough time to cool down a little.
What are you.
I remembered what Old Man Shin had said to Namgung Myeong.
Was it the day before, or the day before that? Old Man Shin had said the same thing to Namgung Myeong.
—You are not Myeong-i.
Old Man Shin had quietly watched Namgung Myeong raise his voice at him, then reached that conclusion in a firm voice as the exchange drew to an end.
That man was not Namgung Myeong.
‘Then who the hell is he?’
If that was not Namgung Myeong’s remnant of thought, then what was it?
[…Heh heh….]
After Old Man Shin’s question, a faint laugh came from Noe-a.
[…You ask what I am, Shin Cheol. That is a rather laughable joke.]
[Do you take it for a joke?]
Hummm.
I felt heat in my heart. It was not mine.
The scent of plum blossoms began to flow faintly along my blood meridians.
Light yet dense. Dense, yet somehow transparent sword qi.
It was unmistakably Old Man Shin’s energy.
[You are not Myeong-i. Am I wrong?]
[…Ha….]
At the firm declaration, Namgung Myeong laughed.
[Then who am I? I am Namgung Myeong.]
Namgung Myeong spoke coldly, as if telling him not to say such absurd things, but Old Man Shin’s response remained the same.
[You may have deceived your descendant, but do you truly think it makes sense to try deceiving us?]
[Shin Cheol…!]
[You are not Myeong-i.]
Wooooom—!
At Old Man Shin’s words, Noe-a, held in my hand, began to tremble violently.
[Stop spouting bullshit. I am Namgung Myeong. If I am not Namgung Myeong, then who am I supposed to be?]
Rrrrumb—! The vibration was strong enough to make my hand shake.
Crack-crack! Sparks flew through the air. It was because of the faint lightning qi spreading from Noe-a.
[After all these long years, you appear only to insult me? You? Me?]
[Yes. It must have been a very long time.]
Old Man Shin’s memories were empty.
For some reason, they were full of dissonance, and he had said that the memories missing between the gaps were split apart as though they had been shattered into fragments.
What had he said?
That he had woken up one day to find himself sealed inside a demonic object?
It was somewhat different from history.
According to the recorded history of Hwasan, the Hwasan Sword Immortal had ended his life immediately after fulfilling his entire role as sect leader.
Yet in my actual conversation with his remnant of thought—
I had realized that something was wrong with that history.
It had become twisted somewhere along the way.
I did not know whether the people involved with Yeon Ilcheon had done something in the past, or whether something had been done by the Blood Demon’s side.
But there had certainly been a problem.
Old Man Shin was probably the one most concerned about it.
[Yes. It was an exceedingly long time. What could you possibly know, when you never experienced such an age? How can you speak so carelessly?]
Namgung Myeong’s voice was filled with anger.
It had been the same last time.
Namgung Myeong had grown just as angry at Old Man Shin, who had not endured the same passage of time.
[You still know nothing.]
His anger was justified.
If I had remained as a remnant of thought for all those long years, waiting for someone who might never come, I might have gone half-mad as well.
But—
[You are right. I do not know.]
Old Man Shin seemed to think differently.
[However, I know at least that you are not Myeong-i.]
[You really are…!]
[It must have been a very long time. Long enough for Mount Tai to crumble, and for nameless streets and countless people to spring up atop it.]
Hwang A Bulyeong of Shaolin had barely managed to cling to his sanity, worn down pitifully by the weight of time.
Dang Je-mun had endured his entire life with the single-minded purpose of serving Old Man Shin, yet the Tang Clan he had wanted to protect had rotted away.
It had been far too long.
To endure such an age, one had to undergo changes mingled with degeneration and corruption.
To those who had once dreamed of saving the world, could this world truly have seemed right?
The fact that they had not gone mad long ago was impressive in itself.
And yet—
‘There’s no way Old Man Shin doesn’t know that.’
Why, then, was Old Man Shin claiming that the voice before him was not Namgung Myeong?
I still could not understand.
Then Old Man Shin continued speaking.
[That is the nature of time. Even if you lost the form you once possessed, it could not be helped.]
[And you, who understand that, are insulting me now?]
[Even that hardheaded Cheol-yeong fellow has lost his hope. It cannot be helped.]
[Then at the very least….]
[But.]
What was this?
‘…What is this?’
The two of them were speaking, yet for some reason, cold sweat seemed to be running down my back.
The air was heavy. It was not because of Namgung Myeong. This was—
‘Old Man Shin’s presence?’
The atmosphere was changing according to Old Man Shin’s emotions.
‘Huh.’
Realizing that, I once again understood just how extraordinary the old man was.
Even though only his remnant of thought remained, without his true body, he could create this degree of presence merely by controlling his emotions.
He seemed like a foul-tempered old man, but at times like this, he showed an entirely different side.
Amid the heavy, pressing air, Old Man Shin spoke to Namgung Myeong.
[At the very least, he did not lose his convictions.]
[…!]
[I cannot sense such convictions in you. Even so, are you truly Namgung Myeong?]
There was clearly something contained in that seemingly casual voice.
A belief so profound that I could never dare to recognize its full depth.
Something distant enough to let him speak of convictions with such certainty.
[...]
Had Old Man Shin’s words struck a nerve?
Namgung Myeong fell silent for a moment, then spoke in a dry voice before long.
[…Even knowing how many years have passed, is that what you choose to say now?]
Even if he had once possessed convictions, enough time had passed for them to have crumbled long ago.
That was how many years had gone by.
It was strange to think that his convictions could still remain.
[What is strange about it?]
[You, who have experienced none of it, speak as though you can do something. At the very least… at the very least, you should not have said that.]
Unlike those who remained, Old Man Shin had not endured those long years. He had no right to say such things.
I could understand Namgung Myeong’s argument.
He had suffered like hell to remain there, only for some man who had awakened after several hundred years to arrive and demand to know why he had changed. It was enough to make anyone furious.
The problem was—
‘There seems to be something bothering him.’
There was something unsettling in Namgung Myeong’s voice as he spoke those words.
Old Man Shin seemed to sense it as well.
[…Convictions. Yes. They can be lost. I have no right to condemn you for that.]
[...]
[However, if you were going to do it, you should have done it completely.]
[What do you mean….]
Old Man Shin’s voice seemed to be growing lower.
[If you were going to lose your convictions, then you should have done only that. But have you not filled the place where your convictions once stood with desire?]
[…!]
[Do you intend to deny that as well?]
At his weighty words, the air sank even lower.
He had filled the space left by his convictions with desire. What did that mean?
I could not tell, but Namgung Myeong seemed to have an idea.
[All I can sense from you is desire. The greed to set your clan right. The impatience to repair the swordsmanship that has been ruined. That is all.]
[And what is wrong with that…? Even at this point, are you saying I should have sought only peace and put the Namgung Clan behind me? What kind of selfish thing is that to say!]
The world had rotted away long ago.
Rather than foolishly crying out for peace and waiting even here, he would save his own kin.
In a way, it was the most rational thought of all.
He had said the same thing last time.
That Old Man Shin could not understand Namgung Myeong because Hwasan had lost nothing.
It was true, but Old Man Shin’s voice only became clearer after hearing it.
[You are right. It is selfish. To be honest, there would have been nothing strange about anyone doing the same.]
[Then how can you…!]
[But that would only be true if you were not Namgung Myeong.]
There was strength in the tone that cut his words short.
[There was something he used to say like a habit. If you are Namgung Myeong, then you will know it.]
[...]
[Do you know? Even when his entire body was painted in blood, he said this.]
Namgung Myeong fell silent.
Was it because he did not know? Or because he could not bring himself to say it?
Once again, I could not tell.
[In a world crumbling apart, there is no need for a Namgung left standing alone.]
[…!]
[He used to say that the Namgung Clan’s sword became a sword that protected someone by becoming an emperor. But what use is a sword that has no one left to protect? That was what he said every day.]
A ruler without subjects had no meaning.
It was an arrogant and irritating thing to say, but because the words carried his heart within them, they struck some deep chord.
[If Myeong-i had lost his convictions, he would have cut his own throat then and there. To fill an empty space with desire? What a ridiculous thing to say.]
Only then did I understand.
The reason Old Man Shin’s voice was gradually growing darker and colder was not that his emotions were drying up.
Rather—
‘He was angry.’
He was so furious that he had instead become coldly composed.
[So do not insult my friend any further.]
Perhaps it was because the meaning infused in his voice was so powerful. For an instant, it felt as though my breathing stopped.
I wanted to join the conversation, but Old Man Shin’s presence pressed down on me so heavily that I could not utter a word.
I was deeply struck by that faith.
‘How could he be like that?’
The certainty that, no matter how corrupted his friend might have become, he could never have become that.
The faith built over a lifetime that allowed him to believe it.
What kind of life had they lived? What kind of relationship had they formed, to be able to believe in each other with such transparent certainty?
It was a relationship I could not understand, having never lived that way myself.
[I will ask again. Who are you?]
[…Shin Cheol.]
Namgung Myeong’s voice as he called Old Man Shin seemed to tremble faintly. Or perhaps it sounded resigned.
After remaining silent for quite some time, Namgung Myeong began to speak again.
[I am… I am… Namgung Myeong.]
This time, too, it was the same as before.
[That fact will never change, no matter what happens.]
[You really are…!]
[Only…]
[Not the true body.]
At the final words Namgung Myeong uttered, Old Man Shin, who had been about to unleash a roar, stopped speaking.
[…What? What did you just say?]
The true body? What did that mean now?
At the sudden, nonsensical words, my eyes widened as well.
As I rolled my eyes, wondering what was going on, Namgung Myeong continued.
[The lingering attachment the true body left behind for the sake of the Namgung Clan. I am that.]
[…What? Lingering attachment? Then where did the real Myeong-i go?]
Leaving aside this talk of a true body and all that—
If the one speaking now was something resembling dregs, then where was the real Namgung Myeong?
Even Old Man Shin was flustered as he asked, and Namgung Myeong answered him.
[…The North Sea. He is in the North Sea.]
Of all things, the name of that fucking land had surfaced yet again.
******************
I opened my eyes.
For some reason, my heavy eyelids were irritating.
“…Ugh….”
I rose unsteadily. When I moved my arms, I felt a strange ache in my muscles.
‘What?’
After sitting up, I clutched my head and thought.
When had I lost consciousness? Had what I remembered until just now been a dream?
The dream in which Namgung Myeong and Old Man Shin had spoken. No, it did not seem to have been a dream.
We had been talking like that, and after hearing the name North Sea, I seemed to have abruptly taken Noe-a and left.
Then I had immediately tried to spar with Namgung Bia.
I used Noe-a… Ah.
‘That’s right. I used Noe-a.’
I also remembered that after trying to use my energy this way and that, Noe-a had suddenly activated.
And while sparring with it… I lost.
Right. I lost. I lost to Namgung Bia.
I had foolishly tried to show off with swordsmanship while holding a sword I knew nothing about, then lost after falling for a feint.
And then—
‘…’
Smack—!
Suddenly remembering something touching my lips, I slapped my own cheek.
It was because I felt heat rising in my face.
That was as far as I could remember. Painfully, damnably clearly, too.
Then what was going on now?
Why had I lost consciousness, only to wake up again?
‘…No way.’
Had I fainted just because of that little kiss?
Wow, that would be a problem.
‘This is so embarrassing….’
Fainting over a mere kiss was unacceptable.
If that really was what had happened, I intended to bite my tongue and die right then and there.
‘Don’t just think about it. Should I die now? Yes, that would be better.’
Just as I was about to stop wasting time on such pointless thoughts born of embarrassment and put it into practice—
[Stop doing foolish things. That isn’t it.]
Old Man Sin spoke to me in a voice full of exasperation.
[That’s what you do the moment you wake up… What in the world am I to do with this brat?]
‘It isn’t? Then what is it? Why was I lying down?’
[Why are you asking the obvious? It was the backlash from using Noe-a.]
‘What?’
Backlash?
Perhaps because of Old Man Sin’s words, the memories I had forgotten came rushing back.
Right after Namgung Bia had ambushed me with a kiss. I had stood frozen like a stone for several seconds. It was just when I realized my mistake and tried to move my body.
That was when—
“Ugh…!”
I had suddenly clutched my heart.
An immense pain had struck my heart without warning.
And not long after that, I had lost consciousness.
‘…That was the backlash from using Noe-a?’
[Why did you insist on using something that wasn’t suited to you in the first place!]
There had been no problem when I touched it, nor even when I used it.
‘Aside from it devouring quite a lot of qi, it seemed fine…. Are you saying the backlash was that severe?’
[Considering you were using an artifact of that caliber, would it not be stranger if there were no backlash at all?]
‘But… Gwij eong….’
[You said it yourself, did you not? That Gwij eong was less efficient than Noe-a.]
‘…’
There was a definite edge to his words.
The old man was holding a grudge because I had compared Gwij eong to Noe-a.
‘…I’m sorry about that.’
[Hmph.]
I tried apologizing, but it seemed that was not enough to appease Old Man Sin.
I would put that aside for now. Judging by what Old Man Sin had said, it was not entirely unreasonable.
Even considering the amount of qi I had felt when using Noe-a, it would have been strange for something that strengthened the physical body to that extent to have no backlash.
‘So it wasn’t merely consuming my qi.’
The problem was that in my previous life, I had never seen the Demon Sword Empress suffer pain of this magnitude immediately after using Noe-a.
‘I had seen her looking exhausted after using up all her strength. But I had never seen her suffer that kind of pain.’
That meant it was highly likely the problem was specific to me.
As for the cause—
‘Because I tried to use something that wasn’t suited to me….’
Just as Old Man Sin had said.
It must have been a side effect of using an artifact that was fundamentally incompatible with me.
In the first place, Noe-a was something meant to be used with lightning qi. The fact that I had been able to use it at all after covering it in fire qi was strange enough.
‘If I’d known this would happen, I wouldn’t have used it.’
Leaving aside the artifact’s performance itself, it was not something I could use efficiently in the first place.
I had nearly killed myself just because I found it fascinating and wanted to try it out.
‘…Putting that aside. How did I actually use it?’
Backlash or no backlash, I first had to figure out how I had managed to use Noe-a at all.
I was just about to think through the reason when—
[Brat. This is hardly the time for that, is it?]
Old Man Sin spoke to me.
‘What?’
[Can you not see what is beside you?]
What was he talking about?
Following Old Man Sin’s words, I looked to the side.
There—
“…Huh…?”
My father was sitting and drinking tea.
Across from him sat Moyong Huiya, Wi Seol-a, and Namgung Bia, all of them hanging their heads low.
‘…’
Seeing that, I gave a small nod and lay back down on the bed.
I must still be dreaming.
I closed my eyes with that thought in mind.
But it took less than ten seconds to realize that this was not a dream.