Regret

Even as Dang Jemun looked at me with an enigmatic expression,

my eyes remained fixed solely on the Poison Heaven Pills beside the white stone.

‘…Just how many of those are there?’

Even a rough count put the number at more than ten.

With that quantity, one could exaggerate and say it would be enough to buy out a mid-sized clan and still have some left over.

Naturally, that was to be expected. The Tang Clan of the present day could no longer even produce them, and the Poison Heaven Pill was a divine elixir from the past.

The Poison Heaven Pill had another characteristic besides the condensed inner energy unique to divine elixirs.

That was—

‘It was said to cultivate resistance to poison.’

Taking the pill would build up one’s resistance to poison.

I could not be certain whether this was an established fact, but—

That was what had been written in the records.

A divine elixir that granted an immense amount of internal energy merely by being consumed, while even granting resistance to poison.

A legacy of the past that could not be obtained even by paying billions now.

‘The Poison Heaven Pill….’

It was rolling around right before my eyes.

I could obtain it if I passed whatever test awaited me.

‘Though I wouldn’t be able to use it right away, even if I obtained it.’

My vessel was still unstable. If I absorbed energy on the level of a Poison Heaven Pill, it would obviously be shattered on the spot.

‘But even if I can’t take it, I can give it to someone else.’

There were plenty of people around me who could make use of it.

Even if that were not the case, considering the value of the Poison Heaven Pill, I had to obtain it by whatever means necessary.

The same went for the white stone—no, the White Demon Stone.

Normally, once it emerged from a monster’s body, it would lose its energy and color within a few days.

But the White Demon Stone was different.

Even now, it had lost none of its color or luster, and it seemed to retain its power intact….

‘I’ve never seen another White Demon Stone, so I can’t be certain.’

But seeing that one, I could make a fairly reasonable guess.

I looked at the White Demon Stone placed in the center and the Poison Heaven Pills beside it and thought.

‘That’s right, damn it… This is what a secret vault is supposed to be.’

I was nearly moved to tears just looking at it.

[Descendant… Are you crying?]

“Yes…. They’re tears of joy. Please don’t mind me.”

[Ah… Okay.]

The secret vaults I had encountered until now flashed through my mind.

The first had been the secret vault of the Geumcheon Yeonga Clan.

The second had probably been the secret vault of the Divine Dragon Hall.

I had suffered nothing but one damn thing after another in both of them, hardly the sort of thing one could call obtaining a fortuitous opportunity.

‘…This is the stuff. This is what a fortuitous opportunity is.’

What else could a fortuitous opportunity be if not that?

That wretched Geumcheon Yeonga Clan.

Come to think of it, both had been secret vaults left behind by Yeon Il-cheon.

Damn bastard. What a terrible bastard.

Did being a regressor make him all that? He even tried to kill people.

I was the one cleaning up the shit he had left behind.

My resentment toward the former regressor continued to pile up inside me.

Dang Jemun had not even said she would give them to me yet, but the Poison Heaven Pills already felt as though they were mine.

“Senior….”

[Yes.]

“May I offer you a bow?”

[…What?]

At my words, Dang Jemun looked somewhat repulsed.

Seeing that, I immediately nodded, deciding not to do it.

Right. That was going a little too far.

“I was joking.”

[Descendant…. Of all things, you resemble Sin Cheol in strange ways.]

“That’s really insulting, you know…?”

Of all the people I could resemble, she had compared me to that old codger. I found it considerably unpleasant.

Perhaps she found my words amusing, because Dang Jemun covered her mouth and chuckled.

So this woman did laugh.

She had seemed so cold and composed, so this was unexpected. Perhaps because I had seen that side of her, I decided to cautiously ask about something I had found difficult to bring up.

“Senior.”

[Yes.]

“That… It’s not particularly important, but why did you put that beside the Poison Heaven Pills?”

[?]

At my question, Dang Jemun turned her head to look at the White Demon Stone.

[Ah.]

Then she clapped her hands as though she had only just noticed it.

[It’s to show off. That came from a monster I caught myself. I wanted to show it off when I saw Sin Cheol.]

“…”

She said it to me in a slightly raised voice.

It was an unexpectedly adorable reason.

I had thought she had placed it there for some grand purpose.

But it was simply to show off….

‘This is ridiculous.’

I forcibly held back the hollow laugh that was about to escape.

‘The fact that it came from a monster she caught herself….’

Looking at the White Demon Stone, I thought of the Water Dragon River.

The river that had been created there was said to have been the aftermath of a white-grade monster caught by Dang Jemun.

‘Did this delicate woman really possess that much strength?’

The question briefly crossed my mind.

The deeds of the heroes of the past.

It was a thought that came to me whenever I encountered them directly.

Each and every one of them seemed no weaker than the Three Venerables of the present day.

‘Just how….’

How strong had they been?

And if they had been so strong, why had they been unable to defeat even a single Blood Demon?

It was a question that lingered faintly in my mind.

The difference between the stories of the past and the flow of the present—

The sense of incongruity that arose from it suddenly gave birth to doubt.

‘For now…. The Poison Heaven Pills are more important than something like this.’

The White Demon Stone had been pushed far down the list of priorities before I knew it.

What could I do? That was simply how life was.

Shaaah….

“You, stay quiet for a while.”

I pushed the head of the Red Water Serpent back down again as it kept thoughtlessly butting in.

[Descendant.]

“Yes, Senior.”

I raised my head sharply at Dang Jemun’s voice.

At that, Dang Jemun made a strange expression.

[…Your attitude seems a little different from before…. Am I mistaken?]

Was my attitude different?

Of course it was.

Unlike those people who called something a fortuitous opportunity and then handed me shit, she was giving me something genuinely worthwhile.

If she told me to bow my head, I could bow a hundred more times.

Since when had I been so proud, anyway?

‘When you’re hungry, the person who feeds you is both your master and your god.’

That was the way to survive in this life, a lesson I had learned through being worked to death.

Leaving Dang Jemun, who now seemed to feel a slight distance between us, I asked what I wanted to know.

“Please tell me, Senior. How am I supposed to take this test?”

[…]

She had said I needed to take a test to obtain those Poison Heaven Pills.

I was ready to do so immediately.

‘She said it was a test prepared for Lord Shin.’

If it truly was for him, I wondered why they had prepared something as bothersome as a test.

‘This must be another part of the arrangements left behind.’

There had to be some reason for it.

If there was only one thing that bothered me in this situation, it was this:

‘…Is it really all right for me to take all of Lord Shin’s fortuitous opportunities?’

If most of the opportunities I had obtained until now had ultimately been prepared for Lord Shin—

Was it really all right for me to devour them all?

Lord Shin had said it was fine, so it should have been all right.

‘It just doesn’t sit right with me.’

That was probably because I was being weighed down by a sense of self-reproach that even I could not understand.

Of course, even so, I could not choose not to do it.

I had decided to take everything I could, whether I should or should not, in preparation for the Blood Calamity.

Whether they were someone else’s opportunities or whatever else, I had to devour them all.

I did not have much time.

I reminded myself of that once more.

‘Besides…. This was an opportunity Lord Shin would never have been able to obtain.’

If, as they had wished, Lord Shin had succeeded in appearing in this land once more through reincarnation or possession, then perhaps it would have been better to leave the opportunities untouched.

But from what I had experienced in my previous life, no one like Lord Shin had ever appeared.

In other words—

‘Their plan had failed.’

Whatever they had planned, it meant that it had failed.

Therefore—

‘I’ll obtain them and clean up that shit for them while I’m at it.’

And while I was at it, I could simply kill the Heavenly Demon and the Blood Demon as well.

For the record, those were Lord Shin’s own words to me.

He had said that since I was stopping the Blood Calamity anyway, I might as well do that too.

At the time, I had wondered what kind of nonsense he was spouting.

But now that I looked back on it, that was exactly the situation I was in.

‘Did that old man actually anticipate all of this?’

Could Lord Shin have known that things would turn out this way?

The thought occurred to me.

Just then—

[Before beginning the test.]

Dang Jemun spoke up.

[There’s something I want to ask the descendant.]

“Yes.”

She wanted to ask me something?

What could it be?

The moment I looked at Dang Jemun with questioning eyes—

[Have you ever regretted anything?]

“Excuse me…?”

The question came completely out of nowhere.

At the same time, it pierced straight into my shame.

Had I ever regretted anything? Me?

‘There’s no way I haven’t.’

It was a ridiculous question.

My entire life had been regret. How could I possibly have never known it?

“I have. Enough to be sick of it.”

I shouldn’t have lived that way.

I shouldn’t have done those things.

I shouldn’t have said those words.

I shouldn’t have left you behind. I shouldn’t have done that under the pretext of doing it for your sake.

Though I had only thought of it for a moment, countless bitter regrets surfaced—regrets whose subjects were not even clearly defined.

Dang Jemun looked somewhat surprised as she watched my expression.

What kind of expression was I making for her to react that way?

Unfortunately, there was no way for me to check.

After a brief silence, Dang Jemun continued speaking.

[…Have you ever thought about overcoming those regrets?]

“Overcoming regret?”

At Dang Jemun’s words, I let out a small laugh without meaning to.

It was unmistakably derisive. That had been a mistake.

I hurriedly lowered the corners of my mouth and spoke carefully.

“…I don’t think regret is something you overcome.”

[Then?]

“It’s something you contain and carry with you. That’s what regret is, as I see it.”

[…]

Regret was like lingering attachment.

Because one lived looking toward the past rather than the present, regret continued to tighten around one’s throat.

Overcome it?

No. That was nonsense.

You simply carried it with you.

Knowing that it was a memory you could never forget.

I merely remembered those times and continued putting one foot before the other without rest.

‘Is this conversation part of the test?’

That was all I could think.

Forcing down the thoughts that were beginning to grow muddled, I looked at Dang Jemun.

‘…Huh?’

The moment I saw her face, my eyes widened.

For some reason, she wore a sorrowful expression.

[…Then, descendant, are you truly moving forward properly while holding your regrets in your heart?]

I was about to answer yes immediately.

But—

“…”

I could not answer.

Because I knew all too well that an immediate affirmative would be a lie.

That, at least, was something I could not answer.

The expression Dang Jemun wore as she looked at me gradually deepened.

Then she spoke to me in a somewhat heavy voice.

[Now, I will begin the test….]

At those words, I came fully to my senses.

The start seemed rather sudden, but I was glad if it began quickly.

I focused, not knowing what might emerge.

As I watched Dang Jemun with my tension heightened, she spoke to me in a calm voice.

[The test the descendant will undergo has neither success nor failure.]

“What? What does that…?”

Neither success nor failure?

Then how was she planning to determine whether I passed?

[When the test ends, whatever thoughts the descendant possesses—that is all that matters.]

“Senior?”

Dang Jemun began uttering words I could not understand.

As I listened, unease began to bloom inside me.

Whenever someone started saying things that abrupt and nonsensical, the ending was usually….

‘It was always me who ended up getting screwed.’

With that ominous thought, I hurriedly tried to call out to Dang Jemun, but—

[I only hope that you will choose differently from me.]

With those final words, Dang Jemun reached out her hand toward me.

At that moment—

Krrrdddk—!

“What?!”

The space around us began to twist.

Damn it, I knew this would happen…!

I hurriedly tried to escape from the sudden situation, but the rupture had already begun affecting everything, myself included.

Beyond my distorted field of vision, I heard Dang Jemun’s voice.

[…Even if it is later…]

There was a faint trace of laughter in her voice.

Or was it sorrow? If not that, then perhaps longing.

I did not know Dang Jemun well enough to distinguish between them.

[When you see Sin Cheol, please deliver a message to him.]

I tried to give her some kind of answer, but my voice would no longer come out.

Within the crumpling space,

only Dang Jemun’s voice echoed.

[Tell him that I wanted to see him. That I really, truly wanted to see him… And then… I…]

Her words, filled with longing, did not reach their end.

The rupture grew stronger, and my mind, unable to withstand the pressure beyond its limits, abruptly snapped.

And when I opened my eyes once more….

“Haaah…!”

I was lying at the center of an unknown pit.