〈 Chapter 435 〉 Regret.
Even as Dang Jemun looked at me with an inscrutable expression.
My eyes were fixed solely on the Dokcheondan beside the white stone.
‘…Just how many of those are there?’
Roughly counting, the number exceeded ten.
With that amount, it would be enough to buy out a medium or small family, if I were exaggerating.
Naturally, there was good reason for that; by this point, the Dang Clan couldn't even produce the Dokcheondan, which was a divine pill from the past.
And the unique properties of the Dokcheondan included not only the concentrated internal energy unique to divine pills, but one other thing.
That was precisely.
‘I heard it builds resistance to poison.’
That consuming the inner pill would build resistance to poison.
I wasn't sure if this was a recorded fact.
But that was what was written.
A divine pill that grants tremendous internal energy just by eating it, and even builds resistance to poison.
A legacy of the past that cannot be obtained even if one were to offer up vast riches now.
‘Dokcheondan….’
They were rolling around right before my eyes.
To think I could obtain them just by passing some test or whatever.
‘Though I couldn't use them immediately.’
Since my vessel was in an unstable state, if I absorbed energy equal to that of a Dokcheondan, I'd obviously be wrecked on the spot.
‘But even if I can't eat them, I can share them.’
There were many around me I could give them to.
Even if that weren't the case, considering the value the Dokcheondan held, I had to obtain them by any means necessary.
The same went for the white stone... no, the White Demon Stone as well.
Originally, those that came from the bodies of demon beasts would lose their energy and color within a few days.
But the white demon stone did not.
Just looking at it now, it hadn't lost any of its color or light, and seeing as it still contained its energy….
‘I've never seen another White Demon Stone before, so I can't be certain.’
But looking at it, I roughly presumed that was the case.
I looked at the White Demon Stone placed in the center and the Dokcheondan beside it.
‘Damn… so this is a secret vault.’
I was on the verge of tearing up just looking at it.
[Huin… are you crying?]
“Yes… these are tears of joy. Please don't mind me.”
[Ah… okay.]
The secret vaults I had faced until now flashed through my head.
The first was the secret vault of the Geumcheonyeonga.
The second was probably the secret vault of the Sinyonggwan.
Both times, though I had supposedly obtained fortuitous encounters, only shitty things had happened.
‘…Life is worth living now. This is what a fortuitous encounter is.’
If that wasn't a fortuitous encounter, what was?
That shitty Geumcheonyeonga.
Come to think of it, both were Yeonilcheon's secret vaults.
Bastard. Bad bastard.
He thinks he's all that just because he's a regressor? Going around trying to kill people.
I'm cleaning up the mess they left behind.
Resentment toward the previous generation's regressor piled up thickly in my heart.
Dang Jemun hadn't even said she would give them to me yet. But the Dokcheondan already felt like they were mine.
“Senior….”
[Yes.]
“May I offer you a bow?”
[…Yes?]
At my words, Dang Jemun made a rather displeased expression.
Seeing that, I immediately nodded, thinking I shouldn't do it.
Yes, that was a bit too much.
“It was a joke.”
[Huin… why is it that you resemble Shin Cheol in such strange ways?]
“That's really offensive, you know…?”
To think she said I resembled that damned old man, of all people. I felt quite displeased.
Perhaps my words were amusing, because Dang Jemun covered her mouth and giggled.
So that woman could laugh.
She had only seemed cold, so it was an unexpected sight. Was it because of that? I decided to sneak in a question about something that had been difficult to ask.
“Senior.”
[Yes.]
“It's… not really important, but why did you place that beside the Dokcheondan?”
[?]
At my question, Dang Jemun turned her head to look at the White Demon Stone.
[Ah.]
Then, as if she had just noticed it, she clapped her hands.
[It's a boast. That came from a demon beast I caught. I was going to show it off to Shin Cheol when I saw him.]
“...”
She said that to me in a slightly raised voice.
It was an unexpectedly rather cute reason.
To think I had thought there was some grand reason for placing it there….
When it was simply for boasting….
‘How absurd.’
I forced down a hollow laugh that was about to escape.
‘That it came from a demon beast she caught herself….’
Looking at the White Demon Stone, I recalled the Suryonggang.
The river created there was said to be the aftermath of a white-grade demon beast caught by Dang Jemun.
‘So this slender woman possesses that much strength.’
A fleeting doubt brushed past me.
The achievements of past heroes.
And it was something I thought each time I met them directly.
Each and every one of them seemed to be no less than the current Three Lords.
‘Just how…’
How strong had they been?
And if they were that strong, why had they been unable to defeat a single Blood Demon?
It was a doubt that arose unintentionally.
How should I put it, the difference between the stories of the past and the flow of the present.
The sense of disconnect from that suddenly gave rise to suspicion.
‘For now… rather than such things, the Dokcheondan is more important.’
Before I knew it, the White Demon Stone's importance had dropped far behind.
What could I do, that's just how life is.
Shaaa….
“You, stay quiet for a bit.”
I pushed Jeoksusa's head, which kept butting in tactlessly, back in again.
[Huin.]
“Yes. Senior.”
I raised my head sharply at Dang Jemun's voice.
At that sight, Dang Jemun made a strange expression.
[…Your attitude seems a bit different from before… . Am I imagining things?]
Asking if my attitude had changed?
Of course.
Unlike those bastards who called it a fortuitous encounter and then handed me shit, this was someone giving me proper goods.
If she told me to bow my head, I could do it a hundred more times.
Since when was I so prideful?
‘Hungry people should treat those who offer rice as their lord and their god.’
It was a method of living I had learned while rolling around half-dead.
Leaving behind Dang Jemun, from whom I felt a slight sense of distance. I asked what I wanted to ask.
“Please tell me, Senior. How must I take this test?”
[...]
She had said I needed to take a test to obtain that Dokcheondan.
I could do it right away, no matter what it was.
‘She said it was a test prepared for Shin Noya.’
If it was truly for him, I wondered why she had prepared such a bothersome test, but.
‘This must also be part of the arrangement.’
There must surely be a reason for doing it.
If there was one thing that bothered me in this situation.
‘…Is it really okay for me to take all of Shin Noya's fortuitous encounters?’
If most of the fortuitous encounters I had obtained until now had been prepared for Shin Noya.
I wondered if it was okay for me to devour them all.
Noya had said it was fine, so it should be okay.
‘But I just feel uncomfortable.’
Because I was being consumed by a self-loathing I myself couldn't understand.
Of course, even so, I couldn't not do it.
In preparation for the Blood Calamity, I had decided to do everything without thinking about what I should or shouldn't do.
It was a situation where I had to swallow everything, whether it was someone else's fortuitous encounter or whatever the hell else.
I didn't have much time.
I was reminded of that once again.
‘Anyway… they are fortuitous encounters Noya wouldn't have obtained.’
If things had gone according to their wishes, and Noya had succeeded in reincarnating or possessing a body and appearing on this land once more, it might have been better to leave the fortuitous encounters alone.
Based on my past life's experience, there was no record of someone like Shin Noya appearing.
That is to say.
‘Their plan failed.’
Whatever they had planned, it had failed.
So.
‘I'll obtain them and clean up that shit too.’
While I'm at it, I just need to catch the Heavenly Demon, the Blood Demon, and all the rest.
For reference, this was what Noya had said to me.
That I might as well take care of it together while stopping the Blood Calamity.
At the time, I had thought it was nonsense.
But looking at it now, it was the situation I had to be in.
‘That old man, didn't he actually predict all of this?’
I had the thought that Shin Noya might have known things would turn out this way.
Then.
[Before starting the test.]
Dang Jemun brought up a conversation.
[There is something I wish to ask Huin.]
“Yes.”
Something she wanted to ask me?
What could it be?
The moment I looked at Dang Jemun with questioning eyes.
[Have you ever experienced regret?]
“Yes…?”
Quite an out-of-the-blue remark.
And one that dug into my weakness at the same time.
Asking if I had ever regretted? Me?
‘As if I haven't.’
It was a ridiculous question.
My entire life had been regret, so how could I not have experienced it?
“I have. To the point of being sick of it.”
I shouldn't have lived like that.
I shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't have said that.
I shouldn't have left you behind. I shouldn't have done that under the excuse that it was for your sake.
Though it was only a brief recollection, the bitter regrets with missing subjects came up countless times.
Dang Jemun, looking at my expression, took on a rather surprised gaze.
What was my expression like for her to react that way?
Unfortunately, there was no way to check.
After a brief silence, Dang Jemun continued once more.
[…Have you ever thought of overcoming that regret?]
“Overcoming regret?”
At Dang Jemun's words, I let out a scoff without realizing it.
It was clear mockery. This was a mistake.
I quickly lowered the corners of my mouth and spoke carefully.
“…I don't think regret is something you overcome.”
[Then?]
“You carry it with you. That's how I see regret.”
[...]
Regret is like an attachment.
Because you live looking at the past rather than the present, regret continuously tightens its grip around your neck.
Overcoming it?
No. Nonsense.
You merely carry it with you.
Because I know there are memories you can never forget.
I simply recall that time and take step after step without rest.
‘Is this conversation part of the test?’
That was the only thought in my head.
Suppressing my whirling thoughts, I looked at Dang Jemun.
‘…Huh?’
After checking Dang Jemun's face, I widened my eyes.
Because for some reason, her eyes were filled with sorrow.
[…Then, is Huin properly moving forward while carrying that regret in your heart?]
At the words that came from Dang Jemun's mouth, I immediately tried to answer that it was so.
But.
“...”
I couldn't answer.
Because I knew all too well that the affirmation I was about to blurt out was a lie to myself.
This was the one thing I absolutely could not answer.
Dang Jemun's expression, looking at me like that, gradually deepened.
Then she spoke to me in a somewhat heavier voice.
[Then… I shall begin the test now….]
At those words, I snapped to attention.
It seemed like a rather abrupt start, but the sooner it began, the better for me.
Not knowing what might pop out, I focused.
While scrutinizing Dang Jemun with my nerves on edge, she spat out words in a calm voice.
[The test you will take, Huin, has neither success nor failure.]
“Yes? What do you mean…?”
Neither success nor failure?
Then how was the passing judgment to be made?
[When the test ends. Whatever thought Huin has at that time. It does not matter what it is.]
“Senior?”
Dang Jemun muttered incomprehensible words.
Hearing them, anxiety sprouted from within.
Cases where she started saying such out-of-the-blue things mostly ended with….
‘Me getting screwed.’
With that bitter thought, I urgently tried to call out to Dang Jemun, but.
[I simply hope that you choose a different path than I did.]
With those words, Dang Jemun reached her hand out to me.
At that moment.
Kwa-dudududuk—!
“What?!”
The surrounding space began to distort.
Damn, I knew this would happen…!
I urgently tried to escape the suddenly unfolding situation, but the rift was already affecting the entirety of my surroundings, including me.
Beyond my blurred vision, Dang Jemun's voice could be heard.
[…Even if it's later…]
A small trace of laughter remained in that voice.
Or was it sadness? If not that, then perhaps longing.
Because I did not know the person called Dang Jemun well, it was difficult to distinguish between them.
[If you see Shin Cheol, please pass on my words.]
I tried to give some kind of answer, but my voice was already unable to come out.
Within the distorting space.
Only Dang Jemun's voice resounded.
[Tell him I missed him. Really… I missed him so much. And… I…]
The words soaked in longing could not be finished until the end.
The rift gradually grew stronger, and unable to withstand the pressure beyond its limit, my consciousness snapped cleanly.
And when I opened my eyes once more….
“Huk…!”
I was lying in the center of an unknown pit.