I went around asking here and there about the whereabouts of the people from Engineer Team A and for news from those who had come out on the escape boats. There was little to show for it. They were curious about their own teammates too, so every question only came back as another question. Kim Jaehee, who had been lying on a beach bed as if dead, opened only his eyes and asked,
“Why are you so curious about our team? Was there someone among our teammates you liked? For example, me?”
“I’m wondering whether the members of Engineer Team A are alive and well. Jaehee, aren’t you curious? The teammates you were working with until just recently are scattered somewhere around the undersea bases or Daehan Island, and you don’t even know whether they’re alive or dead.”
“I’m a little curious about Aeyeong. As for Sanghyeon, judging by how he usually acts, I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”
Baek Aeyeong was probably roaming around Daehan Island fully armed right now. The only person whose whereabouts I knew even remotely was Baek Aeyeong.
“You aren’t interested in the others, so why are you curious about Aeyeong?”
If his reason was that he was worried because she was the youngest woman among the members he had worked with, or that they were close and he wanted to know if she was doing well, I would have wanted to tell him Baek Aeyeong’s current situation. But Kim Jaehee propped both hands behind his head like a pillow and said,
“She’s pretty. She’s strange, too, and fun.”
…Good grief. If he were my younger brother, I could have smacked this bastard, but he wasn’t. Kim Jaehee, sprawled out carelessly, turned only his head toward me and said,
“I didn’t know you were that close with the people on our team. I only knew that Jihyeok hyung had visited the dental clinic. If I’d known it would be like this, I would’ve gone to the clinic as soon as Deep Blue opened too.”
“…I owe the people of Engineer Team A a great deal. If I meet them again, I want to repay some of the help I received. …I hope they’re alive and healthy.”
“Is that so? You must be tired, so I recommend resting. If they’re alive, they’ll probably contact you, won’t they?”
And if they were dead, there would be no contact? Kim Jaehee didn’t seem very interested in whether his company coworkers were dead or alive.
Perhaps deciding that the beach was safe from the escape boats floating offshore, a few brave people were swimming toward the shore. I waited, wondering if there might be a familiar face, but most of them seemed to be from the mining side.
The people waiting cheered and whistled at those who had swum all the way to the sandy shore, handing them towels or water. Those who reached the beach were loudly recounting, like tales of valor, what the situation at the undersea base had been like when they escaped and how they had dramatically made their way out. But in truth, they did not know whether the people I was curious about were alive or dead.
Midday was passing quickly. As time went on, tension tightened around my whole body. I heard that across the island, on the sea beyond the opposite beach, the escape boats from the Jujak-dong Research Center had already surfaced.
What if something had gone wrong with the escape boats from the other rounds? What about Henry? Emma? Why is there no one? What happens if there really is no one? Then where on earth did the people who disappeared go? Are you telling me they didn’t go to Daehan Island? If the people who escaped before don’t exist in this world, and only the people who escaped today remain in this world…
Does that mean only Baek Aeyeong and Kim Jaehee escaped?
Overcome by emptiness and despair, I staggered and collapsed sideways onto an ownerless beach bed. Half the people on Daehan Island’s beach said this place was safe because it was close to the sea and that they would stay there, while the rest were trying to scatter toward the hospital, the auditorium, the lodgings, headquarters, and the undersea base. When I said in a weak voice that the terrorists were gathered at the First Undersea Base, the undersea base was removed from the list of options in an instant.
Kim Jaehee had been lying far away, but he moved to a beach bed near me and sat on its edge as he asked,
“Who do you miss that much? You’re asking whether they’re alive or dead because there’s someone you want to see.”
It felt as if his question had dealt me a fatal wound.
Kim Jaehee’s question and the crashing sound of the waves reached my ears together. The seawater washing up onto the beach gleamed silver beneath the sunlight. As I sat on a beach bed in the shade of a parasol, the sound of waves endlessly breaking kept reaching me. The salty sea breeze lingered at the tip of my nose before sweeping through my hair, damp with sweat from the hot sunlight.
Ah. I’m… at the beach I wanted to go to on the weekend. I’m sitting here like this, resting. Until just recently, I had been waking up in my room at the Fourth Undersea Base.
The sea of Daehan Island was beautiful and still. It behaved as if nothing had happened, while hiding in its belly the people I had met. From far away came the cries of seagulls. The sunlight shining on the beach was not just hot but stinging; without the parasol’s shade, the crown of my head would have burned. Listening to the stories of people who surfed or went snorkeling, it seemed most of the people working on Daehan Island enjoyed marine sports.
Perhaps the people from the undersea bases played on the beach during their vacations too. There was a beach volleyball net, so maybe they split into teams and played sports, held swimming races, or went snorkeling or free diving. There was no sign saying food was prohibited, so maybe they held barbecue parties, or packed food from the cafeteria and ate it as if they had come on a picnic. Maybe they cleaned up the trash together, or cursed at the people who didn’t. Even people who clashed over every little thing at work might loosen up somewhat when they rested.
I closed my eyes and, for a little while, imagined the people I had met in the undersea base playing on the beach of Daehan Island.
Under the sunlight, I terribly missed those who had lived in a place where not a single ray of the sun could reach.
“…Everyone. I miss everyone I met. I want to see Geumi, and I want to see Jihyeon, and Gayoung, and Jihyeok, and Haeryang, and Sujeong too.”
I called out the names of the people I had met in the undersea base at random. Among them were people I considered good, people I considered bad, and people I would never have met in my life if I hadn’t come to this undersea base. There were good people, but there were also vicious people; people who, blinded by short-term gain, made decisions that harmed others, and people who held on to their good convictions even without any benefit to themselves.
“…Sumire, and… that damn Benjamin bastard too. He’s a researcher. I don’t like him, but I hope he’s alive. And also… Zixuan isn’t to my liking either, but I hope he’s alive too.”
Every time I called someone’s name, tears tried to come out for no reason. But Kim Jaehee was staring at me without even blinking, as if observing me, so although my throat tightened, I managed not to cry. Kim Jaehee seemed less like a person and more like a sand sculpture fixed in place.
After I had called every name that came to mind and shut my mouth, Kim Jaehee listened quietly for a while before asking,
“Do you want to go back to the past?”
“…”
I had thought Kim Jaehee would enjoy asking me that question, but unexpectedly, he did not. He simply waited silently for my answer. You kept saying you wanted to go back.
As I gradually confirmed the absence of the people I had believed would have escaped, that question of Kim Jaehee’s sounded immensely tempting.
The me now and the ignorant Park Muhyeon from when the loop first began were practically different people altogether. If I tried the loop again from the beginning, perhaps I could get better results than now. First, as soon as I woke up, I would make an announcement, and this time I would become the guide and lead people around.
Then I would tell them the escape methods that had the highest success rates from everything I had experienced so far. I didn’t know how long it would take to get a large number of people out at once without injuries. I would make more mistakes than now, and experience defeats, despair, and deaths. It might take long enough for all the jewels in the exhibition hall prepared in the Second Undersea Base to turn to ash, and for the brilliance of the enormous diamond said to have no name to fade completely.
By then, my hair would probably have gone white from stress. I was certain that after that much time had passed, I would not be sane. I had never seen a normal person among the white-haired members of the Church of Infinity. My brain might overload so badly that I wouldn’t just get nosebleeds; my brain might be flowing out through my nose. By then, I might have realized and deeply understood the purpose of the Church of Infinity and become a believer myself.
In exchange, someday, when I came to the beach of Daehan Island again, I might be able to bring out enough people to fill this shore.
Did I want to go back to the past to meet the people of the undersea base again? In my heart, I did. I wanted to meet them again.
I missed them.
I wanted to see them.
I did not want to leave them to die there like that.
Chewing over Kim Jaehee’s question, I clenched my teeth. Even if all of them died in the sea, I can’t go back. I glanced for a moment at my left hand wrapped in bandages, then closed my eyes and said to Kim Jaehee,
“I’m not going back. Even if I lose a great deal.”
“How heartless.”
“…”
“You’re pretending not to know and ignoring the people you could save, Muhyeon. Maybe it’s because you haven’t been on Daehan Island long, but I guess there wasn’t anyone you became close to or attached to? Is it all someone else’s business?”
Kim Jaehee’s words flew like daggers and stabbed deep into my chest. Having worked in an office for quite a long time, I had learned how to defend myself so that my heart would not be wounded by words people spat out for the purpose of hurting me. Though since I started working at the undersea base, it did feel as if my heart was breaking and being pieced back together day after day.
When I stared at him quietly without much reaction, Kim Jaehee, who had stabbed me with words, grew restless and then began speaking with a gloomy expression.
“I really liked you because I thought you might be my savior, Muhyeon. From the moment I got your call, I felt like I could fly, and even while I was struggling up the stairs, I can’t tell you how much I hoped I might be saved. I was very disappointed when you said you didn’t want the role of savior and would only become my friend. But when I think about it again, it’s not that bad. So I had quite a lot of expectations. Maybe not now. Maybe my mind will change like a reed in the wind.”
Kim Jaehee let out a long sigh and said,
“Honestly, since you’re a dentist, I thought you’d want to die again and go back to the past if only because of your fingers, or that you’d go to the prayer ceremony at the First Undersea Base. If not that, then because of the people you wanted to meet. …The Church of Infinity’s ritual this time may fail. Because someone like you, someone who doesn’t want to return to the past, was chosen.”