It felt like my finger was on fire. Sss. I swallowed a breath and slowly exhaled, struggling to endure the pain. I thrust my intact right hand into my backpack and rummaged around for a smooth piece of cloth. I grabbed whatever soft cloth I could find and pulled it out; it was my T-shirt. Thinking that a T-shirt was softer than a towel, I tore it into a long strip with my right hand and teeth. Then I gathered my left hand together and wrapped it tightly in the cloth.
Nothing should touch the severed cross-section. When my finger was first cut off, I could only think that it stung, and it didn't even hurt that much, but the moment I saw the severed part with my eyes, pain surged in as if it had been waiting. How does my brain process things? Tears poured down from the pain, but I clamped my mouth shut, since making noise would be like announcing to the whole neighborhood that I was here.
Beyond the light of the broken flashlight in the darkness, as Baek Aeyeong approached the fallen Jennifer, I could see Jennifer, shot in the leg, screaming in agony and swinging the axe wildly.
I could faintly see everyone near Jennifer screaming and hunching down as if plastering themselves to the floor to avoid the axe. Jennifer seemed to be swinging her axe-wielding arm into the darkness, both because her leg was injured and because she was afraid her only weapon would be taken. Did she not care who got hit anyway? Because she didn't have a single ally?
Baek Aeyeong dodged the arc of the horizontally swinging axe several times and then smashed the back of Jennifer's head with the rifle butt. The flashlight rolled away, perhaps kicked by someone, and stopped after hitting the elevator wall far off. Jennifer didn't move at all.
The flashlight's light flickered, flickered, then shrank to the size of a fingernail before going out with a poof. In the darkness, only groans and sobs could be heard. Why was the human body made unable to adapt to pain? Where is my finger? I have to take it within 12 hours. How skilled is the undersea base hospital at replantation surgery? Can I even get to Daehan Island?
To think I have to endure the darkness in this state. Hadn't they said the backup power was 5 minutes? How much time had passed? I sat down on the floor, raised my left hand above my chest, and waited for the darkness to pass.
When I came to my senses, I was somehow sitting in a movie theater on fire. Flames were blazing all around, yet the seat I sat in wasn't hot. Had I lost consciousness? Was I dreaming? On the screen, scenes from just moments ago inside the elevator were playing.
My finger was intact. To my left sat Kim Jaehui, who clicked his tongue, pointed at the screen showing my severed finger, and spoke to me.
"I told you before, didn't I? That they aren't worth helping."
"......"
"Did you really have to go through all that to find out?"
"......"
"Mr. Savior. If you think talking things out solves everything and people know how to live compromising little by little, then why do wars happen? Why is the world being ruined by environmental pollution? Suppose you plead for cooperation while recounting every detail of what you've been through. How many people have believed you up until now? Why did that unnamed Haitian woman survive alone? Did people listen to the young contracted black woman from a least developed country any more than they would listen to barking? She probably had it harder than you."
"......"
Why are you here? Where is this?
"......"
"The ones you must fight are distrust and selfishness. Not us Infinite Church believers. But those will wander in human hearts forever."
"......"
"Mr. Savior. How about you stop saving anyone and just escape from here? Just leave them all to drown. After all, the people here can't even remember what you did. You don't owe anyone anything. And why should anyone help you? They won't even remember it. People are busy living their own lives. They forget good deeds after five days. You forget too."
"......"
Kim Jaehui, who had been letting out a deep sigh, popped a few pieces of popcorn from his arms into his mouth and chewed. Then he forcibly shoved a few pieces of caramel popcorn into my mouth.
"That's why I said you should kill Team Leader Shin Haeryang. That he's necessary. That person. I told you he notices lies like a ghost. Did he have a lot of liars around him? How does he know so well?"
"......"
"Your finger hurts a lot, right? What to do. Now you can't even practice dentistry anymore, can you? If I were a patient, I'd go to a dentist who can use both hands, not one who can only use his right. Mr. Savior, are you going to starve to death now? You know rehabilitation takes a long time. Since you're solely responsible for your family's livelihood, maybe all three of you will starve to death together. Wouldn't it be better to kill yourself right here? Start fresh. If you're lucky, you might get out alive with a healthy body. You don't want to die leaving a ton of debt like Dad, do you? You worked hard to pay it all off, and now Mom's surgery and rehab costs are debt again. Did you feel crushed by guilt because you underwent spinal surgery alone instead of Mom and can walk around? Mom said she was fine. What can you do when Dad donated all the money to religion? Is Mom's life miserable, wheelchair-bound? But Mom is a stranger too, so what does it matter. The debt can be paid by your younger brother and Mom. If you ask me, Mr. Savior, you're the most pitiful one."
"......"
Kim Jaehui pointed at my waist, where there was nothing, and said.
"You didn't even notice the axe being taken from your waist? Well, the tool belt is so old, I understand. But you still have a rubber hammer. The moment you wake up, smash Jennifer's head with it. Or cut off her finger just like she did to you. Cutting it off every time you meet sounds good too."
"......"
"Hailey and Jennifer aren't the type to live taking orders from anyone, or to endure being oppressed. They've always held hegemony in their lives; how could they stand some foreigner suddenly interfering? And with that personality, they'll either already be dead next time, or you'll meet them again in an unpleasant situation—wouldn't you be reminded of what happened now every time you meet?"
Kim Jaehui looked at my intact left hand and let out deep sighs before speaking.
"You have to make others hurt as much as you hurt. Actually, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is wrong. It should be two eyes for an eye, and twenty-eight teeth for a tooth. The other person has to hurt more than you do. Even if you make them the same as you, it just makes things equal; shouldn't the other side suffer greater damage? Look at the word 'revenge.' How thrilling, and it sounds good too. Since your right hand is still intact, shall we smash Jennifer's teeth with a hammer before today ends? If she has an impacted wisdom tooth, I could smash even more. It's just that you've never properly listened, but hearing someone else's screams can feel good. Even if you cut off Jennifer's finger to vent your own severed finger, who could stop you? Ah. Aeyoung is there."
"......"
The movie screen played, and an image of Baek Aeyeong checking on the fallen Jennifer appeared.
"Scratch even the pretty, kind Aeyoung's feelings. Try shouting at her, asking why she couldn't protect you like Shin Haeryang or Seo Jihyeok. Say that you trusted her and followed her words, and this is what happened to you. Ask her what she's going to do now. Ask her how she'll take responsibility, and then say you'll cut off Jennifer's finger, the one who did this to your finger, instead. Demean her, asking if that's all her abilities amount to, why she couldn't do better. If you shout, your pain will lessen and your anger will subside a little."
"......"
Kim Jaehui muttered while looking at Dana hiding in the corner of the screen.
"Take care of only herself. Live selfishly; if people have fallen, pretend not to see; steal goods and lives when you see the chance; survive here and lie about it. So what. Dead people can't talk. Steal the gold bars from Aeyoung's room. If you don't return them, you could pay off your debt in one go. Those people are strangers anyway, so what do I care. You don't need to help people diligently. Love for humanity? If people judge that something is even slightly disadvantageous or unprofitable to them, they don't even treat the other person like a human. Live pathetically, don't suffer even a hair's worth of loss, act calculatingly. It's not like you can't think that way. Our Mr. Savior is smart enough. If you just told the people who think you're naive and foolish about the discrimination you've faced and the curses you've heard while living up until now, they'd be appalled."
"......"
"Everyone is similar and the same anyway. Why do you alone have to be a better person?"
My frozen tongue finally loosened.
"...Because I don't want to live like that when I only have one life."
The moment I answered in my own voice, the flames inside the movie theater all began to go out through the sprinklers. Kim Jaehui, whose bangs were completely soaked by the water gushing from the ceiling, made a surprised expression before getting slapped on the back. Kim Jaehui frowned at the person who approached him. Kim Gayeong, who had come up unnoticed, shouted at Kim Jaehui.
"I told you not to fall to the same level! The world you live in will be full of people without eyes and without teeth! Only those who live in darkness, who can't eat anything and starve, will survive! Is that how you want to live! Kim Jaehui! You too wish someone would save you."
An orange scent flared, and the lights in the movie theater turned on.
The moment I opened my eyes to the bright light, I realized I had been slumped against the elevator wall, unconscious for several minutes. Or perhaps dozing. The pain I hadn't been able to feel surged and receded, and my left hand hurt as if it had been burned in a fire.
The place where darkness had lifted was horrific beyond compare; bloodstains were splattered all over the floor and elevator walls. It was like a perfectly tailored party venue for serial killers. The stopped elevator began to ascend again, but Baek Aeyeong was the only one moving. Baek Aeyeong, wearing the problematic axe at his waist, quickly approached me.
"Where are you hurt?"
I silently raised my left hand, tightly wrapped in the T-shirt, toward Baek Aeyeong, who was drenched in sweat and blood. If I opened my mouth, I felt like I would burst into tears from the pain. It looked like Jennifer's head and legs were bound with cloth or clothing, as if Baek Aeyeong had performed first aid in the darkness.
Baek Aeyeong checked the wound, then rewrapped the T-shirt around my left hand far more neatly than the sloppy first aid I'd done with my right hand, and pulled out a plastic bag from a small pocket. He moved around the elevator as if pacing its perimeter. Then, glancing at the floor midway, he quickly picked something up and put it in. I didn't want to see what he was doing—surely that wasn't my finger? Baek Aeyeong tied the plastic bag containing my finger to my right wrist and spoke.
"We just need to get to the hospital quickly. I put it in here, so it's fine. No problem. It's okay."
Nothing was okay, but I stayed still and nodded, afraid that if I opened my mouth, sobs would burst out.