Rico rubbed the backs of her hands over her eyes and let out a long sigh.
“I hate and fear people so much.”
Hearing that, I remembered that bastard Arthur, who had gone around slaughtering people whenever he felt like it. Yet the only way to stop him had been for brave people to risk their lives and restrain him despite being wounded. If I went to Zhuque-dong, I might run into that bastard again. How could someone find comfort and peace through other people, yet harbor such fear and hatred toward them? I wondered if that bastard Benjamin was still alive.
“······We have a lot in common. I was more afraid of meeting people with weapons than I was of the water rising in my room.”
Rico looked toward the door of the Apep Diving facility and spoke.
“You know, I want to go kill the bastard who killed Jyang right now. In my head, I keep thinking that I should leave this diving area immediately and go to the café. I want to find him and shoot holes in him from head to toe until there isn’t a single intact part left. Every time I pull the trigger, I’ll demand that he bring Jyang back to life. I’ll watch without blinking as he bleeds more blood than Jyang did and dies in even greater agony.”
Rico looked as though she might spring up from her chair at any moment and run toward the door.
“I want to kill the bastards who stopped me in front of the elevator, too. I want to see them crying in pain after being shot so many times. I’ll beg those bastards crawling across the floor in tears to bring Lincoln back to life. I’ll tell them to save Jyang, too, since he died because he couldn’t get to a hospital in time because of them. ······I know he won’t come back alive. But I want to make them feel the frustration and pain I felt. I want them to feel ten times the pain Jyang suffered. I want to hear the screams of the people who pointed guns at us today. I want to show them that they aren’t the only ones who can use guns to frighten people. But······I’m too scared to go. Funny, isn’t it? I know that if I went and picked a fight, I’d definitely be the one to die this time, so all I can do is imagine it.”
Rico poured out a torrent of words along with her tears. It was a relief that I had thrown away the bottle of liquor. If I’d had alcohol beside me, I might have drunk it too.
“Since I can’t even get revenge, should I go back now and at least bring Jyang’s body back from the cart? What am I supposed to tell his parents? ······I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. Is it really all right for me to run away alone through the diving facility like this? My friend died right in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything. All I can do is cry endlessly like this. I’m so sorry to Jyang. Maybe things would have been better if Jyang had lived instead of me. He always knew exactly what he wanted to do. And I can’t do anything at all.”
I wished I had been older and more experienced, an adult capable of skillfully comforting someone going through something like this. Or perhaps a CIA or MI6 agent on leave, someone with enough ability to go take revenge in her place.
I was just as incapable of doing anything, and could only panic inwardly. I didn’t even have a handkerchief to offer her in this situation. When Rico wiped her face with the backs and palms of her hands, I spoke awkwardly.
“What to do is something you have to decide, Ms. Rico. If someone else decides for you, you might regret it for the rest of your life. Whether to go pursue revenge with little chance of success, or escape the underwater base. I’d like you to leave the underwater base with us. There’s nothing to be ashamed of in running away from a dangerous place. Trying to survive is brave and admirable.”
I spoke while hiding my troubled feelings.
“Mr. Jyang’s death wasn’t your fault, Ms. Rico. And I don’t think Mr. Jyang would expect you to take bloody revenge. He would probably hope that you left this place alive and well.”
Rico didn’t look like the sort of person who went around doing things like assassination or bomb-making as a side job, but just in case, I asked her.
“······Ms. Rico. Do you happen to know how to use a gun?”
Rico gave me an uncomfortable answer.
“Where I lived in Australia, we didn’t even have toy guns that could shoot plastic pellets.”
“I see.”
So I wasn’t standing in the way of some skilled gunslinger. I had thought Australia was one of those Western countries where guns were freely available, but perhaps that wasn’t the case. Maybe that was just my preconception.
“You said you kept hearing Mr. Jyang’s voice from the time of the shooting. Is it still happening?”
“That scene keeps repeating itself over and over, even now.”
A brief silence followed. I was startled when I suddenly heard the sound of water, but a gigantic snake-like slide was operating, spewing water like a waterfall. Rico didn’t move even after seeing it; apparently, that was how it normally operated. I let out a deep sigh and spoke.
“I don’t think people with memories as good as yours should commit murder. Never mind the value of life, the fact that we live in a country ruled by law, that private revenge has no end, that people can change, that the way to make someone sincerely repent for a crime isn’t to retaliate in kind, that all humans are connected by six degrees of separation, that the truth can’t be concealed, that disposing of a body is difficult when committing the perfect crime, or that creating an alibi is hard. I mean apart from all of that.”
“Why?”
“I still occasionally remember the car accident I had in middle school, even though I’m over thirty now. When I’m not in a good state of mind, I sometimes hear my father shouting at me to get a grip. The same goes for the people who got angry with me or were irritated by me. And the embarrassing things I’ve done. When I lie down to sleep at night, all kinds of memories from the past come rushing in. With a memory like this. If I imagined my brain replaying the things I’d done every day until I became a hundred and twenty years old, I don’t think I could stand it.”
I felt as though I had already collected far too many things worth remembering for a lifetime. Elizabeth collapsing after being shot by my gun. The man who collapsed after being shot. The smell of burning flesh in the darkness. The sensation of the ankle I had grabbed. The faces of those who had died beside me.
All of it kept coming back to me. I felt as though I had aged by a whole day.
“······I’m going to live while doing as many good things as I can. Leaving aside whether that will make the world a better place, I want to plant plenty of good memories in myself, too. Instead of taking direct revenge, I’ll go out and testify about what happened today to anyone and everyone. If people don’t believe me, I’ll write a book and post about it online. I don’t know how an international criminal trial proceeds, but if necessary, I’ll participate in the trial as a witness. Otherwise, I’ll go as a spectator and see how this matter is handled. I’ll change jobs and work hard to earn money, then financially support the people who helped me. I’ll also volunteer in disasters of a similar nature. I’ll try to recover from what I experienced today in my own way.”
I found it strange that I was freely confiding these things in a stranger when I hadn’t been able to tell anyone I considered even a little close about my condition. Perhaps it was because I didn’t think telling her these things would cause her to judge me or burden her emotionally. Rico continued staring at the door before speaking.
“I want revenge so badly, but I also want to run away to survive.”
“Then let’s run away. You won’t be alone. Three people will be running away with you.”
Kim Jaehee called out to us from the second floor. After hesitating, Rico waited for the elevator with me. I was relieved that she hadn’t left me behind and dashed through the door.
When we got on the elevator, there were only two buttons: the first floor and the second floor. I pressed the button for the second floor, and after waiting a moment, we arrived at the floor directly above us.
Sin Haeryang and Kim Jaehee had taken out several things that appeared to be scuba-diving equipment and laid them across the floor.
“Fortunately, the air tanks were already filled, so we didn’t have to fill them ourselves.”
Sin Haeryang spoke in a slightly brighter voice. So that wasn’t called an oxygen tank, but an air tank. Was that a good thing? Did it mean we could save time?
As I made a rough guess, knowing nothing at all about diving, Sin Haeryang examined Rico and me with his eyes before asking:
“How are your bodies feeling?”
“······Uh. I think I’m worse off than usual.”
“If your arms or legs hurt severely, or if you feel like you might lose consciousness, you need to be specific.”
I watched Sin Haeryang’s expression, then eventually answered honestly.
“I see. I have muscle pain throughout my body. I think I’ve reached my physical limit, too. Everything hurts, and I want to lie down and not get up for three or four days. Mentally, I’ve already left the underwater base and returned to Korea. Going into the seawater feels like a tremendous burden, and I hate the very thought of getting wet.”
Sin Haeryang stared at me for a moment before turning his head toward Rico beside me. Meeting his eyes, Rico answered.
“Me? I’m drunk, and I want to kill everyone indiscriminately. My life is so sad. I don’t know why I should keep living. I feel like my body is getting hotter and hotter, but it’ll be freezing if I swim now, right? Maybe it’s because of the alcohol, but I feel recklessly as if I could do anything. At the same time, I also feel like I’ll die if I act on this feeling.”
Sin Haeryang’s expression barely changed from before he asked the question. Perhaps inwardly, he was thinking that he wanted to quit. Kim Jaehee spoke to him.
“Team Leader, ask me, too.”
Sin Haeryang questioned his team member in a reluctant tone. He didn’t seem particularly eager to know.
“······And what’s your condition?”
“I don’t want to get in the water. The seawater feels much colder than I expected, and I’m terrified of the darkness. My legs, ears, and chest suddenly feel like they’re hurting. My great-grandmother came to me in a dream last night and warned me not to go near the water. Ah. I feel like I’m getting a cramp in my calf?”
Sin Haeryang let out a low sigh upon hearing this from Kim Jaehee, whose calves did not exist. Was he in a condition to dive? Curious, I asked Sin Haeryang.
“Can we dive in this condition?”
“Strictly speaking, no.”
It sounded as though, although we technically shouldn’t, he intended to make us dive by force.
“Then what kind of condition do you need to be in to dive?”
“Diving should be done when both your body and mind are healthy.”
Then it seemed as though no one here would be able to dive. At best, perhaps only Sin Haeryang. I pointed toward the enormous slide beside me and asked:
“What’s this black, snake-like thing?”
“It’s called the Apep System. More precisely, it’s a water-pressure control system. It can control the water pressure within a range of sixty meters.”