What did I just see? What are all these memories? Are those things I actually experienced? Then why don’t I remember them? What happened after I went there like that?
······How much time has passed? I shouldn’t have time to be standing around like this. There’s a fire outside, so I need to get to the Russian restaurant quickly.
When I recalled the sight of “me” standing there blankly, eyes unfocused, not reacting at all even as the water rose, a sense of revulsion came over me, along with an unpleasant feeling. That isn’t me. That isn’t Park Muhyeon. There’s no way I would just stand there. There’s no way I’d do that.
Reason whispered coldly in my head. Really? Then where did everyone from Engineer Team Da go? When you woke up today, there was no one in Baekho-dong. The people from Engineer Team Da must have escaped from the undersea base, so of course they wouldn’t be at the Baekho-dong lodgings. When you woke up this morning, didn’t you think it was strange that none of them were in their rooms?
Then······just how many situations are there that I don’t remember? Was it really three times? How long did I live like that, with my mind gone? I don’t know what happened to “me”? Is this what it feels like to wake up on the street at dawn, drunk or drugged? The fact that there was a past I couldn’t remember terrified me.
The android was quietly watching me as I fell into confusion. Suddenly, my eyes met the android’s. Its inorganic eyes, reflecting the light exactly as it was, held no emotion at all, like an electronic device.
My heart was confused, sad, and afraid, yet nothing around me had changed from a short while ago. ······A storm in a teacup, huh. I just need to calm down. The situation hasn’t changed much from before. I just know a little more now. It won’t suddenly get any worse.
I tried to pull myself away from the feeling that a storm was raging inside me, that wind and rain were about to pour down. Though I was frightened, I quickly regained my composure amid the empty indifference around me. Only after taking several deep breaths did I point at the ruined display case and ask the android a question.
“How long was I touching the ash?”
“2_seconds_have_passed_since_it_touched_your_hand.”
Less time passed than I thought. I thought more than ten minutes had gone by. Then that means I pulled my hand away as soon as I touched the ash. I felt an impulse to touch it again, but what I had seen was too shocking for me to find the courage.
“Has anyone else touched this besides me?”
The android paused for a moment, then gave its answer.
“People_came_by_for_recording_purposes_but_it_seems_they_did_not_touch_it_directly.”
For now, I’m glad I’m the only one who saw that memory. If other people touched this ash, would they be able to experience the same thing I did? Isn’t it strange for other people to be able to see my past memories?
······To begin with, the fact that my memories are inside the ash left behind after a gemstone oxidized is strange. Why are my memories inside a jewel that supposedly shattered and broke? Then what am I? Is my brain not a storage place for memories? What the hell?
I looked at the ash and small lumps of charcoal, all that remained after the gemstone’s original shape had vanished without a trace, and thought about it. Would it be possible to restore this back into a jewel? After thinking for about five seconds, I shook my head. ······That seems impossible. You can’t restore charcoal back into wood.
Why was the “me” I saw in the ash standing there blankly, with a nosebleed? Was my physical condition that bad?
When I woke up this morning too, my nose had started bleeding badly enough to drip onto the floor. The day before, I hadn’t done anything physically strenuous enough in the undersea base to make my nose bleed. Was the indoor air dry enough to cause it? But then, a few minutes later, the floor turned into a sea of water, so wasn’t there plenty of moisture?
At first, even after dying and coming back to life, there had been nothing wrong with my body. I did sweat a little, but I had only been badly startled; I could laugh it off as a dream that I had nearly died and come back. But when I woke up this morning, I was bleeding bucketfuls from my nose, and it wouldn’t stop easily either.
Why is my body getting worse as time goes on? What price am I paying for repeating this act of dying and coming back to life? Just because all the great white sharks go extinct and the jewels burn away, does that mean there can be no effect on my body when I die and revive?
Even the other people who die and come back with no memories at all complain of physical pain, if only for a moment. Can my brain handle the memories, pain, sorrow, and despair that keep piling up with each passing day?
The thought crossed my mind that someday, like in the memory I had just seen, I might end up wandering the undersea base alone, out of my mind. Just imagining it frightened me so much that my body froze like stone. ······What am I supposed to do?
I stayed still with my face buried in both hands, but the smell of burning stung my nose and forced me to raise my head. The tears that had been about to come out nearly went back in because of my worries about the future. The way I felt right now, I wanted to sit down somewhere, lament my lot in life, and cry a little, but even grieving required the leisure to do so.
“Is it all right if I take this ash and the lumps of charcoal?”
“Those_items_are_not_exhibition_items_recorded_in_this_exhibition.”
Good. Judging from that answer, either the believers of the Infinite Church can’t read my memories, or they don’t even know these chunks of coal are important.
I looked around because I wanted to collect the ash without touching it, but there was no bag, nothing. I immediately took off one sock. Then I put the sock over my hand, reached toward the ash and charcoal lumps, grabbed them, and turned the sock inside out to put them inside. I twisted the top of the sock several times, tied it with difficulty, and put it in my pocket. I’ll watch this ash TV later.
The android said nothing and simply watched what I was doing. Apparently stealing jewels was a problem, but taking this sort of pile of ash wasn’t.
I asked the android to take me to one more jewel display case where only ash remained. After using my remaining sock to hold the ash, I put my shoes on barefoot. Even though eight jewels had turned into heaps of ash, jewels were still everywhere around me.
“How many jewels are on display in this exhibition hall in total?”
“A_total_of_135_are_on_display. Of_those_8_have_been_destroyed_and_diamonds_are_not_currently_on_display_so_a_total_of_126_are_on_normal_display.”
That’s enormous. I thought there were about seventy, but maybe because it was dark here and there due to the lighting, there were more than I expected. Where the hell did the Infinite Church bastards scrape together over a hundred of these things? Did they collect them by receiving donations from people who joined, like Kanu?
If they can store memories equal to the number of jewels, and that means I can die and come back to life that many times, then now I can leave my memories in the ash 126 more times, right?
But if I die and come back to life about 135 times, is that even human? I’m not that interested in religion, but I think even the messiahs of other religions only died and came back once at most. Even food disappears without a trace if you chew it fifty times. Can the human mind really withstand that many shocks over and over? In my opinion, it probably can’t. If I die and come back 135 times, there won’t even be fragments of my soul left. What the hell are these Infinite Church lunatics trying to do?
My legs lost strength, and as I leaned on the android for a moment, I remembered a question David had once asked an android. Briefly reflecting on the past, I asked the android without thinking much.
“How many people are currently in the exhibition hall?”
Please be one. One. Surely not. I’m alone, right?
“Two_people.”
······Nothing in this world ever goes the way I want. The moment I heard the android’s crisp answer, a chill ran up the back of my neck. Ignoring the cold sensation crawling up my spine, I calmly asked the android again.
This much doesn’t scare me anymore. I’ve been through too many situations more frightening than this.
“One of them is me, and the other is you, the android?”
“Androids_are_not_people_and_are_therefore_not_included_in_the_number_of_people.”
My head began to throb. I can be as scared as I want now, right? Damn it. Someone besides me is hiding somewhere in this exhibition hall. I’m going to die of fear.
It might be a believer of the Infinite Church, or it might be an ordinary person who fled here. While praying it was the latter, I gripped the hammer in one hand. It was the object that had left terrible bruises on my hips and waist, but holding it made me feel at least a little reassured. As I sat back in the android’s arms, I made a quiet request.
“Please guide me so I don’t run into the other person. I want to leave this exhibition hall quietly, alone.”
“Yes. Understood. Guiding_you_along_the_optimal_route.”
Then the android began moving again without a sound. I relaxed my body as much as possible. In any case, I couldn’t put proper strength into it. I only tightened my grip on the hammer and breathed as softly as I could. From a distance, I might look dead or unconscious. I hoped it looked like the android was going out to throw me away outside the exhibition hall.
Even though I knew the android was walking at a steady pace, all I could think was that the exhibition hall was too large and, at the same time, that the android was moving too slowly. My heart felt as if it would burst from anxiety, so I hid the hammer at my side and started thinking about something else.
Kim Jae-hui had told me she had looped more than thirty times in a short span of about thirty minutes, and that the range was twenty meters. Back when I boarded the elevator, Ronald had asked me questions as if distance and range were important. Then do I have around eight to ten hours, a wide range of three thousand meters, and about 135 chances to loop?
Before I knew it, the android had stopped and was slowly setting me down in front of the exhibition hall exit. Feeling the ache in my bruised hips and waist, along with the fatigue and muscle pain flooding my whole body, I asked regretfully. You’re much better than a wheelchair.
“Can you support me even after I leave the exhibition hall?”
“I_can_only_move_as_far_as_the_designated_location.”
“I see. Thank you. Could you help the person left alone in the exhibition hall now? I’d like you to explain the jewels displayed in the exhibition hall to that person in detail, in alphabetical order. In particular, I’d like you to explain diamonds at length and in detail. It would be even better if you held onto them while explaining.”
“I_wish_you_a_pleasant_journey.”
The android crossed the exhibition hall without a sound and disappeared.