Joseph had been unable to hide his excitement ever since the topic of romance came up in relation to me or Shin Haeryang. But when silence followed after that, he looked at us as if the wind had gone out of his sails and grumbled.
Since Joseph had said the reason he wanted to go back to the past was because of a child, I was about to start eagerly prying into his life story—how he had ended up raising a child, what the circumstances were—then quietly shut my mouth.
The sudden radio transmission from Beth gave the three men something to talk about for a while, but afterward, a tedious silence settled over us again.
To be honest, I’d expected the Infinite Church to try to wring something out of me over the radio at any moment, or to tell me that since I was the Savior, I should show them some results. I was a little surprised there was none of that. Was I thinking in such performance-oriented terms because I was Korean? If I looked at what the Infinite Church had done in this round on a broad scale, it seemed to amount to sending down a truckload of armed people, saying they were going to take me with them, and having Medic deliver all kinds of provisions to Deep Blue.
If I had been just a little younger, or mentally worn down, or had even one screw loose in my head, I think I would have gone wherever the Infinite Church told me to go and eaten whatever they gave me.
So many people came, claiming they were here to meet me. They said the injured were hurt because of them, so they would treat them diligently. They said they would take responsibility, which wasn’t a bad attitude. They said they had painfully disposed of the person who belittled and betrayed me. They said that aside from a few things concerning my safety, they would do whatever I told them to do. On the surface, what a wonderful organization. They feed you well. They pack you plenty of snacks. They give you good coffee. Even families don’t treat one another this devotedly. Do you think people make that many different dishes to eat at home?
If I had known absolutely nothing about the Infinite Church, this incident might have built up a steadily positive impression in me. People choose the path that is convenient and beneficial to them. Even more so in a frightening and dangerous disaster situation like this, when there is no specific person they can trust.
What would happen if I accepted the Infinite Church positively and voluntarily joined, beginning life as the Savior? Depending on what kind of group you belong to, your values and thoughts become colored without you realizing it. I’d probably try to view the Infinite Church more leniently than I do now. Maybe my mental state itself would change a little. I might not bother opposing the things the Infinite Church intended to do, or might even try to defend them in some respects.
For a very brief moment, I began trying to see the Infinite Church in a positive light.
According to Joseph, there were probably around fifty to sixty believers in the undersea base. When you think about it, isn’t it impressive for fifty people to gather and get along well? If human relationships don’t go well in life, it’s only natural that someone might pick up a gun or a knife. And people say the believers’ thinking is a little extreme and that they act in a backward-looking way, but if you get right down to it, aren’t people these days all like that? Everyone is sensory-driven, stimulation-seeking, and loves cruel things. Koreans love spicy food too, so what’s the problem with that? As you get older, you end up living conservatively enough to wonder why you liked those things when you were young. And your stomach can’t digest things properly anymore, so you have no choice but to eat food that isn’t spicy, isn’t salty, and is less sweet.
What’s the problem with the believers of the Infinite Church living in the past? Why do you think retro trends come around in this world? A person’s life is just repeating the tastes they liked from age seven to age twenty-seven until they die. Look at Baek Ayeong, who still likes rock music that died out fifty years ago. She’ll listen to rock until she’s a hundred and twenty and have it played at her funeral too. You can go on living trapped in the past you love. Doesn’t every person live with at least one good memory? What? Our kids carry guns around? They must have picked up guns because talking didn’t work. So did you get shot? You haven’t been shot yet? Hey. Shoot that one a few times. Be generous and give them about five rounds. What do you mean, what’s generosity? It’s Korean affection. What do you mean, what’s affection? Just shoot. Ratatatata!
Mm. ……I only imagined it for a moment, but I feel like I’m breaking out in hives. It doesn’t suit me.
Unless I get shot in the head a few more times and lose my sense of self, or throw away my ethics, I think it’ll be difficult. It already feels too late for me to develop a favorable view of the Infinite Church just because they treat me well.
Wherever the penlight shone, blood and dark red fluids were smeared across the floor here and there. Come to think of it, I hadn’t even been badly injured in this round. A wound to the palm was lucky. Compared to Baek Ayeong’s gunshot wound to the chest, my injury was nothing.
If I had been hurt as badly as Baek Ayeong, I would have had no choice but to rely on the Infinite Church. ……Huh? If I had been hurt as badly as Baek Ayeong, I would have no choice but to rely on the Infinite Church? I would, wouldn’t I? There were no doctors inside the undersea base, so I would have no choice but to go to Daehando Hospital, and in that process, I would have no choice but to rely on the Infinite Church, which would be in control of the central elevator.
Suddenly, it felt as if a cold wind were blowing against my back.
What if. What if the Savior they had gone to such lengths to create was someone hostile to the Infinite Church?
……Why else would the Infinite Church have separately selected Savior candidates? Those candidates were surely people loyal to the Infinite Church and its believers, people who would diligently and without complaint handle the duties they would be assigned through miracles.
The believers of the Infinite Church had said they didn’t even know why I had been chosen as the Savior instead of the Savior candidate they had prepared. Then what would happen if an outsider like me, someone who despised the Infinite Church’s conduct, became the Savior?
Would the Infinite Church just quietly kill me off? ……What good would it do the Infinite Church to kill me? I’d just return to dawn today. In the next round, I’d move cautiously because I’d want to avoid the believers of the Infinite Church by any means possible. And I’d simply have more accumulated resentment. The believers of the Infinite Church probably already knew perfectly well that threatening me with death wouldn’t work.
No matter how I thought about it, wouldn’t persuading me be easier? It seemed better to keep showing me favorable sides and tempt me with sweet words like, “We are this wonderful religion. Please join our faith and help the believers accomplish the things they wish to do. In return, we will give you money, give you food, help you leave this place, and even after you leave the undersea base, we will provide all kinds of support for you, Savior.”
That seemed to be what the Infinite Church was doing now. But what if the Savior was someone those various temptations didn’t work on?
If the Savior refused money, refused to eat their food, didn’t believe them when they said they would help him leave, and wanted nothing whatsoever to do with the Infinite Church even after getting out of the undersea base, how would the Infinite Church deal with him? The more I looked at the blood scattered across the floor and at Joseph tied up, the more only cruel thoughts came to mind.
There must be quite a few ways to make someone have no choice but to accept the Infinite Church’s demands. For example, inflicting a nonfatal injury so he would be forced to rely on the believers of the Infinite Church. Or administering drugs so he couldn’t stay sane. Or torturing people who had been even slightly close to me, breaking their backs, threatening to yank out their healthy teeth by force…… Let’s stop thinking about this. It’s too terrifying. No. Something like that absolutely cannot happen.
What would have happened if this hostage situation hadn’t occurred? If I had wandered around on my own in a daze and been caught by the believers of the Infinite Church, what state would I be in now?
Would I be able to be this free, like I was now, without my hands and feet bound like Joseph’s? Back then, would I have dared refuse the food the believers of the Infinite Church gave me? I probably would have had no choice but to eat the high-class dishes and desserts they had laid out, pressured by the people around me and conscious of their stares.
Could I have flatly said that the wish to go back to the past was impossible? Could I be certain that no violence would be inflicted on me when I spoke according to my convictions? In a situation where I was surrounded by a group with loaded guns, mixed in with people who had no future?
Just as Shin Haeryang had separated Joseph and me in this consultation room, it occurred to me that this hostage situation was what had separated the Infinite Church and me.
He had said he wanted to drag out the hostage situation for a long time to buy time for his team members to escape. And he had also said his goal was to negotiate so Baek Ayeong could undergo surgery at Daehando Hospital. Because we had continued to remain in Deep Blue, all of Shin Haeryang’s goals had been achieved.
Then what would happen once the hostage situation ended?
Shin Haeryang had said he expected to be shot to death. Then what about me? What would happen to me when the hostage situation ended?
I wanted to grab people and ask what would happen to me, but I held back. How I should act was something I had to decide for myself. When the time came for the hostage situation to end, how should I act?
I asked Shin Haeryang, who was sitting quietly, in a low voice.
“Why do you think the hostage situation will end? Don’t you think this stalemate might continue?”
“……I don’t think they’ll waste time like that. Judging from their attitude, they seem to be treating me as small fry. The moment the lights come on, the other side will storm in.”
Would the undersea base collapse first? Or would someone break in here first? Because Shin Haeryang spoke as if someone could invade at any moment, I glanced unnecessarily toward the consultation room door, then asked.
“Not while it’s dark?”
“The darkness is more advantageous for me, but it isn’t for the other side.”
Was it more advantageous for Shin Haeryang alone if Deep Blue was dark? Well, seeing him smash three people with his fists, that did seem to be the case. Did he live without looking ahead? How did he hit people without seeing them? If someone told me to treat patients with my eyes closed, I absolutely couldn’t do it.
I slowly stood and pressed the consultation room light switch several times, but the lights didn’t come on. A sudden curiosity occurred to me, so I asked Shin Haeryang.
“How did you cut the power to Deep Blue?”
“I poured water on it to cause a short circuit, and as soon as the power went out, I cut the wiring.”
Shin Haeryang obediently answered the owner of Deep Blue. Hey. You really smashed up my dental clinic however you wanted…… No. It’s fine as long as you’re healthy. I’m just a salaried worker at Deep Blue. This isn’t my private clinic, at least. No, seriously, where do you even learn things like…… No. I don’t want to know. Even if I found out, what would I use it for? It’s not like I’m going to cut the lights like that.
All at once, our surroundings brightened. To eyes that had adjusted to the darkness, nothing was visible for an instant.