I remember the people crushed under cars. The people shot dead in a place filled with groans and screams too. Even the noise of bodies hitting the floor from the recoil as bullets lodged in their heads. I spoke in a daze.
“People actually died. They were dying miserably, like trash!”
“When?”
At John’s question, asked as if he were simply curious, I felt as though someone had clamped a hand around my throat and squeezed it shut. Should I say what I experienced was the future? Should I say it was the past? Since it hasn’t happened yet, does that mean it becomes something that never happened? I’m the only one who remembers those deaths.
Perhaps my voice had been quite loud, because Seo Jihyeok approached, grabbed John’s head with one hand, and instantly slammed him to the floor. The man toppled sideways with a choked grunt.
“Are you okay?”
Seo Jihyeok asked, quickly looking me over, but in truth, nothing was okay. My head was tangled like a knotted ball of thread.
Why do all the Muhan Church people say different things? Is the goal only to go to the past, like Kanu said? If you offer up money and jewels and wait, do you go to the past? Then what about those Muhan Church bastards who were holding guns and shooting people? Why does the research center have to be blown apart by torpedoes? And what about the engineers walking around the Fourth Undersea Base with guns?
...Why is everything so complicated. I’m a simple human. A human who can be happy with a cup of coffee.
Not knowing what Seo Jihyeok might do to that man if I answered that I wasn’t okay, I swallowed my gloom along with an inhale and answered.
“I’m fine.”
Seo Jihyeok didn’t release his strength, keeping the man’s head pressed to the floor. Then he glanced at me and spoke.
“Don’t listen to those pseudo-religious bastards. It’s nothing but the talk of men desperate to lure others in.”
The more I hear about the Muhan Church, the less I understand what’s what. Since people are actually dying, either the inside of that religion is chaotically fragmented, or some of the people I met are lying. It feels like my stomach is being scratched raw.
“Someone... I think someone is lying, but I don’t know what’s a lie and what’s real.”
Without taking his eyes off his opponent, Seo Jihyeok answered me.
“A pseudo-religion? That can happen. My father was the pastor of a fairly large church, but pseudo-religious types completely broke it apart. They didn’t even need guns. They just came with three-inch tongues, and the church was gone.”
Can a church just disappear? Well. If a four-story undersea base can collapse, a church can disappear even more easily.
Thinking about it now, what does it even mean to treat someone humanely? So if I take the central elevator up and lie flat on the floor obediently at the Second Undersea Base, does that mean they’ll let me live? In the first place, it’s laughable for people holding guns to talk about something humane. If you can only show mercy when you have the power to control others by force, then that mercy isn’t for others. It’s just one step in a powerful person’s process of acquiring benefit. The situation can change at any time; how can you trust a peace achieved through someone else’s generosity? And should I be grateful to them for not shooting me? ...Those crazy pseudo-religious fanatics. Why do they all say different things just to confuse me?
“I don’t know what to believe.”
“Ah. There’s a right answer to that.”
Having said that, Seo Jihyeok called out to Lee Jihyeon, who had been looking at the undersea base bulletin board on her pad.
“Jihyeon!”
“What!”
“What do you do when you don’t know who to trust?”
“...What kind of nonsense is that. There’s no one worth trusting except the Lord!”
“See?”
Seo Jihyeok shrugged his shoulders while looking at me. ...What’s supposed to be the right answer there. Is it telling me not to trust anyone?
At least, thanks to Seo Jihyeok, I was distracted for a moment, and my thoughts about the Muhan Church were diluted somewhat. The emotions that had overflowed in my chest with tension and sorrow subsided as time passed, and now only sighs came out. I felt like if I gathered all the sighs I had let out at this undersea base, they would have already devoured my entire lifespan.
Hearing crying, I turned my head to see Henry awake and wailing.
“Daaad! Moooom! Mom! Where are you! Mom!”
Yu Geumi and Tu Manako beside the crying child were flustered and at a loss. Yu Geumi spoke while making hiss, hiss, hiss sounds like a snake.
“Calm down. Hup! Hup! Hup! Stop crying. Shh! Shh! You can’t cry.”
“Yeah, stop crying. Your mom isn’t here.”
“Why isn’t Mom heeere!”
“Ugh! No. Your mom must be somewhere around here. Sorry! I said the wrong thing!”
Even with Tu Manako joining in, it did little to soothe the child. Kyaaah! The child flailed backwards and began crying even more miserably. The two were struggling to calm the crying child.
Watching that, I rummaged through my bag and pulled out several sugar-free candies. A doll would have been better.
I slowly approached, lifted the crying Henry, hugged him tight in the darkness, and slowly patted his back. Kids are deceptively strong. It reminded me of holding down my friend’s large dog—the one that weighed twenty kilograms—to dress its wounded paw. Honestly, it’s easier to hug a dog from behind. Kids are bipedal, so they even know how to kick. I tried to make my voice as soft as possible as I spoke.
“You woke up and there are only strangers around, so you’re really scared, right? Yes, yes. I know it’s very scary. Mom and Dad aren’t beside you, and there are only strangers all around. Right?”
It doesn’t matter whether the child understands the words or not. Frightened children calm down only with time. I hugged the child and earnestly patted his back. I felt my chest growing damp with tears and snot.
“Mom! Dad!”
“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re very scared, aren’t you? It’ll be okay. I’ll find your mom and dad for you. If I really can’t find them, the Child Welfare Act will diligently search for your parents for you. It’s okay. Don’t worry. Henry doesn’t need to worry. We’ll find your mom and dad somehow.”
With him pressed close, as I patted his back at a steady pace, his heightened emotions gradually subsided. Even adults, if they opened their eyes after sleeping to find themselves surrounded by strangers in an unfamiliar place, would be unimaginably terrified, so for a seven-year-old, this reaction is actually brave.
The gym center was still dark, and a few people’s faces glowed ghost-like from the pad lights, while the surroundings held only exercise equipment stacked up grotesquely. The walls were adorned with large drawings of things like exercise equipment instructions and Ophion snakes. If I had woken up not in my room but in a place like this, I would have screamed my head off. I patted the child’s back and explained earnestly.
“We’re going to find Mom. We’re going to find Dad too. Our Henry has to bravely take us to find them.”
When the child had stopped crying a little, I set him down and met his eyes up close. He had a face that looked ready to burst into tears and demand his parents be brought before him at once, but I quickly unwrapped a candy and spoke.
“I’m a dentist. I’ll be watching to make sure Henry eats exactly three candies. After you eat the candies, we’ll go find Mom and Dad. Eat the candy, Henry.”
“Mom... Mom said I’ll get cavities if I eat these...”
Sniffling, the child prepared to reload and fire his tears, so I spoke simply. This is what’s most important. Saying it with a firm expression that leaves no room for argument.
“You have to eat all the candy. We’re going to find Mom and Dad. You have to eat all the candy. All of it. We’re going to find Mom and Dad.”
After repeating this twice, Henry put the candy in his mouth, tears streaming down his cheeks. He stopped crying faster because I’m not his parent. Children cry depending on the person and the situation.
Five minutes of this is exhausting. Honestly, this... is just a stopgap measure. He’s scheduled to cry again later. I have a feeling the next scheduled procedure is him crying because I lied to him.
At dental clinics, children already start crying from in front of the door. Many parents lie to their children to bring them in, or if it’s the first visit, the child comes knowing nothing. Sometimes parents have to run a marathon to catch kids who dash out upon hearing the hand drill. There are kids who thrash around like octopi possessed by evil spirits, cleaning the entire floor with their tears.
“Our Henry is brave. Eat all the candy, and let’s go find Mom and Dad.”
Shower him with praise! Following my signal, Geumi and Tu Manako praised Henry with voices that sounded like their souls had left their bodies. Yu Geumi spoke in an even more exhausted voice.
“Henry eats candy so well. Let’s go find Mom. When we find Mom, I think I’ll have a lot to say.”
“...I’m going home with Dad.”
“Aww. Good Henry. Is the candy delicious? You eat so well. Yeah. Let’s go home. If I find your dad, I’ll shave his whole head.”
Tu Manako whispered those last words as if grinding her teeth. Stifling a laugh that threatened to burst out at that, I stroked the head of the child trying hard to melt the large candy in his mouth.
He had only cried, but I unexpectedly felt like my own head was clearing up. Let’s just think about going back. What does it matter if it’s the Muhan Church or whatever? Let’s just think about going home. Let’s just think about getting out of this undersea base. How screwed up their religion is, is that any of my business?
Gang Sujeong looked at Henry, who had stopped crying, with troubled eyes and spoke to me.
“You’re good with kids.”
“It’s rare for a kid with perfectly fine teeth to come to a dental clinic.”
I answered with an awkward smile. A few weeks ago, a six-year-old I met at the dental clinic had come in after falling hard, chipping his front tooth and tearing his lip. The child hadn’t stopped crying until he left the clinic. That child’s mother left like a zombie, carrying a wailing siren that wouldn’t stop no matter what she did. Gang Sujeong spoke to her team leader with an uncomfortable expression.
“...In a situation like this, is it really a good choice to take such a young child? He’s not even a Korean national. That kid’s father is Leonard, that bastard from the American team.”
Sin Haeryang took his eyes off the map on his pad and spoke toward Gang Sujeong.
“We’re taking him.”
Gang Sujeong let out a sigh as if the ground were sinking beneath her. I touched my damp chest and around my shoulder and spoke.
“I’ll take care of him.”
“If I may make an excuse for my humanity, I wouldn’t have said such things either if that child were a Korean national or born to decent parents.”
Neither of those are things that child could choose.