Episode 91. Internal Conflict (1)
To Jeong Seongbin, Kim Iwol was undoubtedly the most reliable member of the team.
Even worries that were difficult to share with friends or younger brothers somehow felt light enough to talk about in front of Kim Iwol.
Moreover, Kim Iwol was competent, talented, and proactive.
Though he had started as a trainee late and had no particular skill in dancing, Kim Iwol grew little by little through effort that couldn't help but be acknowledged.
So Jeong Seongbin had never once worried about anything concerning Kim Iwol.
Except for exactly one thing: health management.
Kim Iwol's stamina was far superior compared to the other members. While the other members collapsed from exhaustion after long practice sessions, Kim Iwol was always calm.
And that wasn't all.
Even when everyone returned to the dorm exhausted and went to sleep, it was routine for Kim Iwol to sit in front of his laptop before his wet hair even dried.
He never missed a PT session. Rather, the trainer was surprised by Kim Iwol's unchanging, machine-like training volume.
Once, while eating bread Kim Iwol had baked and commuting to school together, the younger member Giyeon had said...
"Hyung, isn't Iwol-hyung actually a cyborg?"
...and Kim Iwol was indeed that consistent.
During periods when he slept too little, his dark circles did get a bit darker, but Kim Iwol was always peaceful.
He didn't get tired from lack of sleep, nor did he get sensitive from dieting.
There was exactly one time when he said he was tired during a group monitoring session and went to his room first, but.
Jeong Seongbin could tell without being told that it wasn't because he was feeling ill. He simply didn't pry further, figuring there must be some circumstances.
Besides, Kim Iwol wasn't the type to fully accept it when someone worried about him.
Most of what Kim Iwol said was...
"I'll take care of it myself. Don't worry."
"I'm still fine. Go in first."
"I'll clean up and leave when it's time."
...and so on.
Jeong Seongbin knew that Kim Iwol always drew a firm line when it came to work and schedules.
So the only things Jeong Seongbin could do were occasionally express concern for his health or occasionally nag him to sleep early while bringing up his younger brother, Lee Cheonghyeon.
So when that very Kim Iwol got a nosebleed in the middle of the practice room.
Jeong Seongbin was greatly surprised, yet he couldn't shake the thought from one corner of his mind that this was bound to happen.
Everyone was startled, but only Kim Iwol didn't move an inch.
Rather, Kim Iwol calmly pressed a wad of tissues under his nose and spoke. He said he would practice with his nose plugged.
Even as blood trickled between his fingers, Kim Iwol was nonchalant.
It was to the point where one might wonder if something had torn and was bleeding, yet there he was.
Everyone advised Kim Iwol to return to the dorm, but he refused to listen.
Even though the blood didn't stop for over ten minutes, seeing him being stubborn, Kang Giyeon—who normally never raised his voice to his hyungs—packed his things by force, and only then did Kim Iwol leave the practice room.
Only after confirming that Kim Iwol had lain down on his bed in his room could everyone finally breathe a sigh of relief.
I'll make sure to contact the manager hyung when I wake up in the morning.
Thinking that, Jeong Seongbin also lay down on his bed and fell asleep. At least until someone woke him.
That someone placed a hand on his sleeping shoulder and shook him gently.
And soon after, called out to him in a small voice.
"Seongbin-ah, Seongbin-ah..."
The one who had called his name several times was his friend and fellow roommate, Park Juu.
Jeong Seongbin opened his eyes with difficulty. In the unlit room, he could faintly make out Park Juu's silhouette.
"Mmm... why?"
"Sorry for waking you. But... where did Iwol-hyung go?"
"What?"
In that moment, Jeong Seongbin woke from sleep with the shock of having been struck on the back of the head.
"What do you mean? Isn't he in his room?"
Jeong Seongbin sat up abruptly and asked. His eyes, adjusted to the darkness, clearly saw Park Juu's uneasy expression.
"Since I was already awake, I was worried Iwol-hyung might have another nosebleed, so I went to check, but his bed was empty... I wondered if he'd told you he was leaving."
Jeong Seongbin had never heard anything like that.
Jeong Seongbin immediately kicked off his blanket and headed toward the other members' room.
Just as Park Juu had said, one bunk bed on the first floor was empty.
Some might say a grown adult man could step out at night.
But the Kim Iwol Jeong Seongbin had seen all this time was someone who never arbitrarily did anything that went against the rules.
For such a Kim Iwol to leave without a word, there had to be a reason.
Jeong Seongbin hurried out to the living room and picked up the phone. And called the manager hyung.
If Kim Iwol had suddenly gone to the hospital in the middle of the night, the manager would surely have accompanied him.
However, contrary to Jeong Seongbin's expectations, after the ringing stopped, he heard the manager's voice, sounding like he'd been in a deep sleep.
"...Hello?"
"Ah, hyung..."
"Is it Seongbin? What's going on at this hour?"
Jeong Seongbin was flustered by the voice dripping with drowsiness.
Jeong Seongbin hung up with an apology, giving the excuse that he suddenly couldn't remember tomorrow's schedule, trying to stay as calm as possible.
Park Juu, who had been watching Jeong Seongbin crouching in front of the living room storage cabinet during the call, asked.
"...The manager hyung doesn't know either?"
"Yeah. It looks like hyung went out alone."
Jeong Seongbin hid his anxious heart and fidgeted with his lips.
He kept thinking of what he'd seen during the day—Kim Iwol's face so pale it was almost white, and the blood that had continuously flowed over the back of his hand.
It was then. Park Juu, who had been watching Jeong Seongbin, spoke.
"I'll take a look around the neighborhood... He might have gone to the convenience store to buy medicine or something."
"Huh? No, I'll go. You sleep more."
"Seongbin, you have school tomorrow. I can sleep until practice."
Saying that, Park Juu headed for the front door. Suddenly, Jeong Seongbin recalled the time Park Juu had suffered from a high fever.
At that time, Kim Iwol had rushed outside without hesitation in the middle of the night. So perhaps that's why Park Juu was being more proactive now.
At the same time, he also remembered what Kim Iwol had suggested to the team for his sake.
"Then let's at least move around in pairs within the company."
...those words he had said.
Jeong Seongbin pushed himself up from the floor. And left the dorm with Park Juu.
The two ran around here and there in the neighborhood for quite a while.
They visited every convenience store around and even went to the emergency room at the nearby hospital.
They asked if a tall man named Kim Iwol had come, but the only answer they got was "No."
"So he didn't go out to buy medicine...?"
Park Juu trailed off and muttered. It was already past midnight.
Then something flashed through Jeong Seongbin's mind.
It was a question Kim Iwol had suddenly thrown out some time ago.
"Let's assume that if you practice hard exactly as I tell you for just one week, you'll definitely get corresponding results. Then would you do as I say?"
"For sure?"
"Yeah, for sure."
One week. And after that, Kim Iwol had checked the time to make sure the members practiced in 5-hour blocks.
And Kim Iwol himself, who had filled nearly 15 hours of practice every day.
"Juu."
"Yeah?"
"I think I know where hyung is."
Jeong Seongbin ran straight there.
Even to Park Juu's question of where they were going, Jeong Seongbin didn't stop and simply answered, "The practice room." Park Juu seemed surprised but didn't raise any major objections.
Even as he hurried his steps, Jeong Seongbin hoped that this practice-addicted hyung was not in the practice room.
Praying that his insistence on practicing to the very end wasn't solely due to some revelation from the ancestral gods or whatever.
However, what greeted Jeong Seongbin and Park Juu in the UA basement was white light seeping from the practice room that they had clearly turned off.
When Jeong Seongbin opened the practice room door, he saw Kim Iwol standing there, whole body soaked in sweat, looking refreshed.
* * *
I looked at Jeong Seongbin's face once, then at the clock hanging on the practice room wall once.
"What are you doing here at this hour? Don't tell me you came alone?"
Before those words even finished, Park Juu's head was visible over Jeong Seongbin's shoulder.
Two minors had gone out at night holding hands, huh. They were asking for a scolding.
Just as I was wondering whether to point out that they'd run out without contacting anyone in the middle of the night, or to praise them for bravely coming together, Jeong Seongbin's expression hardened.
"Hyung, is that what's important right now?"
Wrinkles even formed between Jeong Seongbin's brows, a rare sight.
"Do you know how surprised we were when you disappeared? And why are you in the practice room until this hour when you're not even feeling well?"
Only then did I realize these guys had come all the way here because of me.
It was a shame to be caught, but since I'd already filled all the time, there was nothing to regret about going back. I closed the water bottle lid and spoke.
"Sorry. I thought you were all asleep. I'll head back now—"
"No, it's not an apology we want to hear!"
Jeong Seongbin's voice echoed in the practice room. He shouted as if frustrated.
"You keep saying you're fine even though you're bleeding so much, and you won't even listen when we tell you to go to the hospital! What if it's something serious?"
"Seongbin-ah, it's just a nosebleed..."
"Normally, clothes don't get soaked from just a nosebleed. And people don't stagger when they walk!"
Jeong Seongbin didn't back down an inch. It seemed my T-shirt being covered in blood had been quite a shock.
But I really didn't need to go to the hospital. Because my nosebleed wasn't a health problem, but a system penalty.
Moreover, in health checkups over the past 9 years, not once had a problem come up. As if someone like me could have some serious illness.
I was at a loss for how to explain this. I could only be grateful that Park Juu was awkwardly trying to stop Jeong Seongbin.
Despite Park Juu's attempts to dissuade him, Jeong Seongbin didn't stop.
"We came together just like you told us to, in pairs. We fill all our practice hours and do everything you tell us to, just like you said. So why don't you keep a single promise to tell the members when you're in pain?"
"I did it because I'm not sick. Who expects a nosebleed?"
"If it had been Cheonghyeon or Giyeon, would you have said the same thing? That this degree of nosebleed is nothing, so just fill your practice hours and go?"
Jeong Seongbin was more persistent than when I had been hit by Yu Hansu.
I let out a small sigh internally. I didn't want to bicker with a kid.
"Seongbin-ah, you were like that back then too."
"...What?"
"About practice. You said you'd do it even if there were no results."
To my question asking whether he would practice hard on the premise that he could get results just by following my words, Jeong Seongbin had clearly answered that way.
And sure enough, Jeong Seongbin, with his good memory, immediately recalled that conversation.
I didn't miss this opportunity and continued speaking.
"I did it because I was sure results would show. I wanted to get into shape as much as possible before the comeback. That's not a bad thing, is it?"
"But there was no premise that you'd overdo it like this."
"That's just a matter of different conditions. Is there anyone among the members right now who isn't practicing to their limits?"
"Why is that limit so harsh only on you? It's true we're all doing our best, but we don't sleep less and practice more like you do. Because you take care of everything for us! So why is it that in everything, you only to yourself..."
"Seongbin-ah, don't tell me you're asking because you don't know?"
I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"I'm doing this because I'm far more lacking than you guys."