Episode 3. The Boomer System (2)
When you're job hunting, your resume is something you end up rewriting over and over.
At the same time, it was a document I'd grown sick of seeing after working in HR, and also one I'd revised every single day while dreaming of changing jobs.
But the resume I was looking at now was something I'd never seen in my life.
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[UA New Trainee] Gim Iwol
Gim Iwol (20 years old / previous age 29)
Work Experience
― Joined UA via street casting
External Activities
― Assistant Manager, HR Team, Hanpyeong Industrial (5th year)
Performance Evaluation (100)
― Vocal Proficiency: 4/20
― Dance Proficiency: 1/20
― Self PR: 12/20
― Attendance Management: 18/20
― Organizational Adaptability: 10/20
Accumulated EXP: 0
Accumulated Points: 0
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And of all things, it said it was my resume.
My past at Hanpyeong Industrial, which had been as tough and stringy as the fibers of an undercooked sweet potato, had been relegated to external activities.
So it'd all been a hollow career, huh, me.
But more importantly, was a Dance Proficiency of 1 for real? Not getting picked for the talent show at the workshop had truly been a stroke of heavenly luck.
I was staring intently, wondering what EXP and points were, when a new explanation appeared.
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[SYSTEM] The 'EXP-Point System' is being announced to 'Eul'.
▷ When you complete a 'Task', a certain amount of 'EXP' will be awarded.
▷ When EXP reaches 100, it can be exchanged for 1 Point.
▷ Points can be added to your proficiency.
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It was absurd.
If doing a lot of work made you dance better, executives would've already gathered office workers from all over the world to hold a grand talent show.
Other than that, the parts that stood out were "New Trainee" and "Street Casting."
"Joined via street casting?"
February, nine years ago. The streets. An idol casting.
I felt like I was starting to remember something.
Vaguely, I recalled someone grabbing me on my way home right before entering university.
I'd received a business card while on the phone with Nuna, probably.
They'd handed me a business card from UA, an agency famous as a house of ballad singers, while saying they were putting together an idol group, which had been quite puzzling.
I remembered thinking they were scammers who'd stolen another company's name and completely ignoring them.
Since this hadn't even been the first time I'd received a business card related to idols, I'd forgotten about it completely.
It seemed the current me corresponded to the case where I'd accepted that offer and joined.
"The only male idol to debut from UA afterward was Spark."
After all the twists and turns, I'd ended up at Spark again. How could such a thing exist in this world?
I had no idea what exactly they'd seen in me to scout me, but as the pieces fit together, my mind gradually started working again.
When blood rushes to your head, you can't even do what you're capable of.
I calmly tried to organize everything I'd learned so far as simply as possible.
1. I had returned to nine years ago.
2. I had become a trainee under UA.
3. If I don't debut as a six-member boy group, I can't save Nuna.
4. And I have to join that damned Hanpyeong Industrial again. With a lifetime contract.
The situation was still a mess, but I could finally accept reality.
Thinking of giving Nuna seventy years' worth of birthday presents I'd almost failed to give all at once seemed to put my mind at ease.
And I, of all people, would collect birthday presents with compound interest in this life.
It's nothing. I'll just grit my teeth and endure.
I pulled myself together with difficulty.
Just then, an alarm rang above my head. More precisely, from above the wooden ceiling.
At the same time, Center Emperor Choe Jeho, who'd been sleeping next to me, opened his eyes.
The same face from the pre-debut reality show, a nose bridge that wouldn't change even after nine years, and the slight furrow between his brows from poor eyesight every time he woke up.
The moment I saw that face I knew so well I felt like I'd go crazy, all my composure evaporated.
Instead, fury steeped in resentment filled the void.
Could I do it?
Me?
A happy debut, laughing and joking around with those bastards who pissed me off just by looking at them?
My stomach burned. There was no doubt my reflux esophagitis had flared up.
"Huh? Hyung woke up right away too."
At that moment, a face popped out from the ceiling along with a bright voice that made it hard to believe it was morning.
Was it the light?
Looking at features that seemed to glow with a halo, I momentarily lost my words.
The sculpting was so unreal that for a moment I didn't think he was human.
'Could it be Cutie Pretty Visual I Cheonghyeon?'
His appearance was so tremendous that it made my terrible grudge momentarily fade from my mind.
After seeing this face, it felt like I could forgive even UA selling full-body mini acrylic stands for 23,000 won each.
In the end, though, he was still just a bastard who'd burned his entire skin on his first long vacation, raising the retouching difficulty to the extreme.
It's something you see while living in this world. A face like that actually exists in the mortal realm.
Round eyes, nose, and lips came together, yet when combined, a cold aura emanated from them—there was something mysterious about Cutie Pretty Visual I Cheonghyeon's face.
"Jeho-hyung is also an early riser. I really like our room's lifestyle habits! The maknae is satisfied!"
The guy was bright and cheerful from the morning, as if something made him so happy.
Center Emperor Choe Jeho didn't even seem to be listening to him.
"Hyung! We eat breakfast at the practice room. Let's get ready to go there first!"
Cutie Pretty Visual I Cheonghyeon kindly explained as he came down from above.
How many more days would I have to listen to these voices that sent shivers through my ears just by hearing them? The world went dark before my eyes.
* * *
An hour later, I found myself standing inside the UA building with the pre-Spark members.
UA, which had cast me, was an agency famous since long ago as a house of ballad singers.
Most singers under UA were ballad singers each possessing a hit song.
Then, as if struck by some wind, UA suddenly declared it would enter the idol market.
And the space UA had set up just for show to train trainees was exactly the underground practice room I'd arrived at.
Spark's fans called this place the "UA Brand Underground Prison."
≫ A rookie who released only 2 songs having a blank period of 1 year and 2 months lol Just say you don't want to make money lolol
└ The kids must feel like crap too. They debuted but got sent to mysterious storage
It was because Spark's hiatus had been incredibly long.
It was so bad that rumors once circulated that their prison sentence increased every time an issue blew up.
For the record, this place wasn't unfamiliar to me either. I'd gotten sick of looking at it while taking screenshots of the choreo videos to check their synchronization.
Feeling a familiar shittiness, I stood there blankly when someone approached me and spoke.
"You must already be overwhelmed since you just joined, right? Since Iwol-hyung said this is your first time as a trainee, let me briefly explain our practice routine first."
It was Jeong Seongbin, the future Spark leader and spiritual pillar.
Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin had been a filial-piety-like member to me.
Among the impressionist crew that was Spark, he'd had the gentlest-looking face, so I'd memorized it quickly.
Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin explained various UA rules, including what time the trainer would arrive. His orientation skills were top-tier.
'It'd be his calling to be in charge of new employee training.'
I was admiring his smooth and clear pronunciation when Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin hit me with a surprise question.
"Is there anything else you're curious about?"
"No. Thank you for the explanation."
I'd answered hastily, worried he'd notice I'd been thinking about something else, and Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin's expression turned strange.
"Um, hyung. Didn't we agree to drop the honorifics yesterday?"
Such a detailed setting existed?
Judging by how Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin, who was a much senior trainee, was using honorifics, it seemed the hierarchy went by age.
Conservative organizational culture wasn't my taste. As someone whose calling was being a low-level employee, I felt even more uncomfortable.
"I guess it's still awkward... See. If you're okay with it, speak comfortably too."
"Yes."
I hated using age as an excuse to drop honorifics with someone I'd just met. But to avoid unnecessary nagging, I decided to play along.
Fortunately, Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin didn't make a bigger deal of this issue.
"Then shall we start with stretching?"
With those dreadful words, Spiritual Pillar Jeong Seongbin stood up from his seat.
The time had come to sweat to achieve the same goal as my enemies from hell.
I want to go home.
I want to go home so badly it hurts.
The words I'd engraved in my heart every day as an office worker came to mind unbidden.
Then the world before me flashed white.
Ah, I'm not buying manuals or anything else now.
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[SYSTEM] A work order from 'Manager' has arrived.
▶ You know how companies give out points as employee welfare? If you do well from today, you'll get points. There aren't many places that take care of you this much, right? Anyway, Assistant Manager Gim, you've been blessed. Don't waste it on useless things and spend it only where you need to.
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But if it was a material reward, that was a different story.
It was annoying that it was points instead of money, but from the receiver's standpoint, I had to squeeze out whatever I could get.
But couldn't that tone be changed somehow? Just seeing it cut my motivation in half.
Still, it was a profitable story for me, who was in no position to be picky. Especially since my dance proficiency was hitting rock bottom.
'So if I beg for work, they give it to me?'
The situation of asking for work from my side was quite unfamiliar. Usually, work poured down even if I stayed still.
I briefly wondered whether I should kneel in the direction of the text or bow my head.
Fortunately, the calamity of begging for work on top of being forced to debut did not occur.
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[SYSTEM] A 'new task' has been assigned.
▷ Complete 1 basic move
▷ Reward: EXP
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It's just one move, so couldn't I somehow do it?
They probably assigned a task possible with a dance proficiency of 1. I steeled my heart.
Without a doubt, this was the most foolish decision I'd made recently.
* * *
Do you know how much a Korean idol group in the so-called K-Pop powerhouse practices?
'Fuck, fuck...!'
I didn't know. That's why I feel like I'm dying now.
Ignorance truly is a sin. If this wasn't punishment, there was no explaining the hardships and adversities I was going through.
"Gim Iwol, I told you to turn left?"
"Turning isn't the problem right now. Hyung, be honest. You're confusing your left and right hands."
No matter what, I could at least tell that much apart.
But didn't I just turn left?
"How can a person be this awkward?"
"He's not just awkward, he's creaking. If his limbs are this free-spirited, his head will go on strike around tomorrow."
Center Emperor Choe Jeho, the group's dance specialist, and Super-Cute Gang Giyeon were earnestly discussing this situation with the world's most serious expressions.
Seeing the two guys in charge of the stage's completeness, a post I'd seen on a community forum came to mind.
≫ But UA really gathered members well despite being a shitty small agency lol. Not a single one who creates a hole with his skills
We'd added a klutz for you to give the public plenty of entertaining moments. My heart burned.
The strongly individualistic Center Emperor Choe Jeho didn't seem to have much thought about this situation.
On the other hand, Super-Cute Gang Giyeon, who'd been famous as a perfectionist since long ago, never took his ice-cold eyes off me until the end.
For me, someone who got motion sickness from looking at a photo of Spark for just five seconds, this was the worst punishment.
After I swept through the practice room like a broken runaway locomotive, Super-Cute Gang Giyeon's eyes glinted with a fierce light.
I could feel killing intent standing on end as sharp as the corners of his raised eyes.
Sure enough, the guy spoke in a chilly voice.
"Hyung."
"Yeah."
"Don't even think about going back to the dorm today."
I suddenly recalled what a junior at work who liked idols had said while eating a triangle kimbap in the pantry with empty eyes.
It was about what the three great mayos were.
That was when... while our team was working overtime for the third week, an article came out that the idol she liked had blown off a fan meeting, claiming to be sick, and gone to Kangwon Land.
I'd forgotten the one other than 'tuna mayo' and 'oppa, don't do whatever you want,' but Super-Cute Gang Giyeon's brand of mayo was quite pungent too.
How many times did I repeat those incomprehensible movements?
"Oh. You got it."
"Hurry up and do it again. Before you forget."
The instant the okay sign fell from the expressionless Center Emperor Choe Jeho and the rest-giving-none Super-Cute Gang Giyeon, my vision flashed white.
I'd thought it was the signal right before fainting, but it was the system. An incredibly persistent bastard.
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[SYSTEM] 'Task' completed.
▷ Reward: EXP (20)
▷ Accumulated EXP: 20
▷ Accumulated Points: 0
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20? 20?
After going through all this hell?
With my limbs trembling?
It's absurd. I must have taken this whole phenomenon far too lightly.