Episode 23. Concept Planning (2)
I sat side by side with Gang Giyeon on the practice room floor.
In the mirror across from us, Gang Giyeon was reflected, fidgeting with his hands for no reason.
The awkward atmosphere was suffocating.
I debated whether I should lighten the mood, but figured this kid needed me to set the stage rather than coddle him, so I broke the ice first.
"If you have something to say, feel free."
Still, Gang Giyeon didn't speak up right away.
Did he want me to make small talk? I hadn't pegged him as someone bad at expressing himself.
Fortunately, before long, Gang Giyeon opened his mouth.
"About being nervous... I was wondering if I could get some advice."
The reason Gang Giyeon had requested this meeting was, surprisingly, "needs advice."
It seemed my nerve in not messing up the first evaluation had impressed him.
'A kid in Spark who looks mentally strong... was there anyone besides Choi Jeho?'
Jeong Seongbin would grow a pretty strong backbone later, but for now, they were all just kids.
Choi Jeho, who was at least worth asking, had an extreme difficulty level when it came to conversation.
So by process of elimination, I was the only one left, huh.
'I respect that attitude of seeking advice even from a nobody like me if there's something lacking.'
It takes unusual courage to receive direct criticism from others. In that regard, he was truly admirable.
While I was genuinely moved, Gang Giyeon asked me.
"Hyung, are you the type who usually doesn't get nervous?"
"I didn't get nervous often, but I wouldn't say I never did. I thought I was average."
"How did you fix getting nervous?"
Yeah, I fixed it by getting torn to shreds by Manager Nam in front of the executives as an example.
I closed my eyes, trying hard to forget the sight of the conference room where shouting matches had taken place.
Hold it together. Gang Giyeon is a high schooler, not a salaryman.
Instead of teaching Gang Giyeon the bitter taste of corporate life, I explained it after softening the painful memories as much as possible.
"I practiced a lot like it was the real thing. Like a mock interview."
"Like the real thing..."
Gang Giyeon murmured, following my words.
"Imagine messing up. Imagine making mistakes. Then figure out how to deal with mistakes, and check what situations make you the most nervous."
"I did a lot of mock tests, but they didn't work very well. I even set up a camera."
"If the pressure is less than the real thing, you can still panic even after a lot of practice."
Even if you prepare a presentation overnight, the moment your boss says, "Deputy Kim, what's with your expression?" it feels like all the blood drains from your body.
"Did the teachers give you any separate advice?"
"They said I'm doing well, so I just need to do as much as I practiced... things like that."
As expected of UA. Their advice was kind.
They probably avoided provoking them on purpose, thinking about how the idols might have mental breakdowns later.
You can only hear praise from others when your ears are open to it.
Hearing that he was doing well when he couldn't even show his skills right now wouldn't have resonated much with Gang Giyeon.
"How can I create that pressure?"
Gang Giyeon asked.
For one, I had held a grand self-Q&A session, spinning out hundreds of follow-up questions that Manager Nam would have asked.
It was a good thing I lived alone; if I'd had a roommate, they definitely would have thought I was losing my mind.
"If you practice with the nervous situation set up as specifically as possible, I think you'd get used to it... but you can't exactly ask the teachers to recreate the environment one by one."
"Exactly."
I thought for a moment and then made a suggestion to Gang Giyeon.
"Want me to play the evaluator?"
"Huh?"
Gang Giyeon's eyes widened slightly.
He had been speaking flatly without raising his voice even once. This must have been unexpected.
"You said setting up a camera isn't enough. If we make the surroundings and atmosphere more realistic, it might help."
"But when you open your mouth, the atmosphere lightens. Won't that kill the vibe?"
"Don't worry. I'm good at playing the grumpy old-timer."
Gang Giyeon made an expression saying he couldn't believe that at all. He'd be shocked to see my passionate performance possessed by Manager Nam's spirit.
I never thought I'd willingly do something good for Spark in my life.
I had received a lot of help from Gang Giyeon so far, so I decided I was simply repaying the favor.
"Then... please."
Whether because he had no other options or because he was truly desperate, Gang Giyeon accepted my proposal without deliberating long.
"It's in exchange for you watching my practice during the day. If you want to practice at night, just let me know anytime."
"Let's start tomorrow."
"I really respect your passion."
I didn't hold back my praise for Gang Giyeon's attitude—he clearly would have suggested starting today if there were more practice room hours left.
And I added a brief word about something that had been bothering me.
"More importantly, you don't need to hesitate this much for a simple request like this."
Worrying among yourselves about whether to ask for advice and then making things worse was 50,000 times worse than just asking first and dealing with the aftermath later.
It was the same with fighting. Rather than fighting behind my back and deepening emotional rifts, I'd rather you hit each other right in front of me.
Though the best is fighting behind my back, making up, and then coming back like nothing happened.
'He pestered Choi Jeho several times to practice together as a group, so he shouldn't be the type to find it hard to ask something of others.'
Moreover, Gang Giyeon was surprisingly the type to not complain if it was for his goals.
It meant he wasn't the type to beat around the bush asking for separate time just for this.
Then a quite surprising answer came from Gang Giyeon.
"You seem busy these days, hyung, so I was wondering if it was okay to ask."
And it came with a pretty commendable reason at that.
He was worlds apart in character from Manager Nam, who had said, "Deputy Kim looks busy," while asking me to reserve a Spark birthday cafe.
It was a moment that made my old thought—"I'd rather eat all the rice cakes and die than give one more to someone I hate"—feel meaningless.
Yeah, taking the rice cakes meant for someone you hate and giving them to someone who works hard is the decent thing to do as a human.
I recalled Chief Song, the very model of a hardworking person—good personality, good at work, and diligent to boot.
Chief Song, I'm sorry I couldn't take better care of you all this time.
The Manager Nam voice imitation that had made Chief Song burst into laughter... I'll make good use of it here too. I hope you don't work overtime today and stay safe.
Just as my heart was about to grow warm, my eyes caught the clock pointing at 11:50.
Before worrying about others, it was time for me to finish my own overtime work. It was bitter.
* * *
After the late-night conversation, my relationship with Gang Giyeon became a bit more interesting.
"You're supposed to go ta-da-da tang here, but hyung just goes u-dang tang."
"Sorry about that."
During the day, Gang Giyeon grabbed me by the collar and pulled me along....
"Gang Giyeon, don't let your hands shake. Fix your gaze forward. Straighten your back."
"Yes."
At night, I held onto Gang Giyeon like I'd caught a mouse.
There were days when Lee Cheonghyeon, the only other one left, nagged us for 20 minutes about facial expression management, asking what we were doing every night, before running away.
"Straighten your shoulders and your waist too. If your posture shrinks, you'll get more nervous."
"...I'm nervous even when I straighten my posture."
"Go lie down on the floor over there for about three minutes and then get up."
It was a joke to help him relax, but Gang Giyeon really lay down on the floor.
He must be that desperate. How frustrating must it be to have outstanding ability but be unable to show it.
With the resolve of a dance instructor determined to see his student shine, I approached Gang Giyeon where he lay.
"How is it? Do you feel a little less tense?"
"...Yes. Maybe because it's comfortable."
Gang Giyeon's expression looked much more relaxed, as if he wasn't lying.
Watching Gang Giyeon regain his breath, I spoke.
"Then get up now. Let's run the simulation from the top again."
Gang Giyeon got up with great effort. I thought highly of his endurance for never once telling me it was hard.
That said, Gang Giyeon wasn't just eating up my practice time.
Unintentionally, since I saw him every day, I learned things from this side too.
Watching a model case dozens of times as if monitoring him, I could observe his movements down to more precise levels.
For example, like this.
"It seems like the weight on your left foot has decreased compared to before. Was that just now because you were tired or because you were nervous?"
"Because I was tired."
"Of course you're tired. But you know the teachers won't take that into account during the evaluation, right?"
"...Yes."
When I told him the angle between his index and middle fingers changed every time he danced, Gang Giyeon's face clearly showed he was horrified.
So what. Even if I didn't mention it, he'd worry about it later on his own.
I asked Gang Giyeon, who was soaked in cold sweat despite barely moving.
"Has your ankle hurt since then?"
"No. Maybe because I went to the hospital early that time."
"So if it hurts, go to the hospital right away. Don't put it off because it's annoying and let it turn into something serious."
"Yes, yes."
Having grown accustomed to the barrage of nagging, Gang Giyeon answered mechanically.
"Still, your movements have become much more natural than at the beginning. At least I think you've gotten used to me."
"I feel that way too."
"It might be because I look too soft for the atmosphere to properly set in. Maybe I should have Choi Jeho sit in instead?"
"Huh?"
Gang Giyeon made an absurd expression at my words.
"Do... do you really think you look soft, hyung?"
"I think I'm either average or slightly hazy, one of the two."
I held back from saying that I probably looked even doughier than a boiled dumpling.
Because otherwise, there'd be no reason Manager Nam would have picked on only me so persistently just three days after I joined.
But the answer that came back was truly shocking.
"Hyung, uh... I don't know if I should say this."
"Say it."
"Honestly? Without a filter?"
"Since when did you have a filter? Talk straight."
"Just looking at your face is damn scary."
...What?
"Lee Cheonghyeon said he thought you were a director, not a trainee, when he first saw you."
"What are these dense, cool-toned bastards going on about."
"Ju-u hyung was so nervous on your first day that he couldn't even eat dinner properly."
"No way."
"It's true. You give off plenty of pressure, so I don't think you need to worry about that."
The more I listened to Gang Giyeon, the more bewildered I became.
It seemed I'd have to take care of my dark circles soon.
* * *
After hearing Gang Giyeon's shocking confession and returning to the dorm, Lee Cheonghyeon was waiting for me.
At this point, it felt like I was onboarding new hires one by one.
Lee Cheonghyeon, who had taken over Kim Iwol's back office past midnight, asked.
"Hyung! I've finished the melody, so what should I do now?"
"Shouldn't you ask an actual expert about that, rather than a guy who just looks like a director, Cheonghyeon?"
"Gang Giyeon told you that?! He pretended not to listen when I said it!"
"If you two keep talking nonsense, I'll tell Seongbin to increase your practice hours."
"Come on. We have so many constructive conversations!"
Then Lee Cheonghyeon began to compliment me, displaying social skills accumulated from who-knows-where at his age.
Things like, "You observe movements so well," and "Gang Giyeon talks about it often."
But Lee Cheonghyeon's approach wasn't entirely smooth either.
"If your dynamic vision is that good, why can't you output?"
He threw a heavy punch at the very end.
"Can you draw a Picasso painting exactly the same just by looking at it?"
"Aha."
Thanks to that, some pointless conversation went back and forth too.
After chatting like that for a bit, I turned the conversation toward work.
"More importantly, you said you finished the melody. Can I listen?"
"Of course. But please give feedback gently."
"Gently?"
"Right now, it feels like I'm revealing a house I built starting from the roof."
Lee Cheonghyeon spoke in an uncharacteristically cautious tone.
It wasn't like I, a non-expert, could offer any advice anyway.
Standing beside Lee Cheonghyeon, who was covering his eyes as if he couldn't bear to watch, I put in my earphones and played the track.
What flowed out was unmistakably the melody of the B-side track "Start," which I knew from the past as composed by Lee Cheonghyeon.
But there was a distinctly different part compared to before.
'Isn't the song a bit... better than before?'
It was so much better that it was frustrating I could only express it this way with my lacking vocabulary.
Lee Cheonghyeon's song was good. I could guarantee it, wagering all my PSD files from my many years as a Spark fan.