Episode 183
- Office Opening: Part 1 (1)
Soft music, bright pink effects.
And then…….
The Twelve Commandments of the Dorm
1. Everyone does the housework together (Seongbin)
2. Talk a lot (Cheonghyeon)
3. Line up your shoes neatly (Giyeon)
4. Don’t turn off the mood lights at night (Jeho)
5. Don’t ruin the practice atmosphere (Iwol)
6. Do the dishes on time (Juu)
7. Share your time of arrival home (Seongbin)
8. Air out the place for thirty minutes a day (Juu)
9. Apply lotion after washing, regardless of the season (Iwol)
10. Make requests face-to-face (Giyeon)
11. Take medicine with water (Iwol)
12. When working simultaneously on the shared sheet, don’t recklessly press Back (If the sheet gets messed up, don’t touch anything else—call me) (Iwol)
……Strict rules written neatly and densely across a small whiteboard.
Only after the Twelve Commandments had appeared—making it impossible to tell whether this was an idol house or a gym—did a title in an old variety-show font appear on the video.
A Full Reveal of the Spark Dream House
Following a wall clock showing five in the morning, the camera turned toward the kitchen.
Someone was standing stiffly like a wooden general, cooking in front of the gas range.
Beside him were an opened bag of bread and several cute plates, all lined up at perfect angles.
It was Kim Iwol.
Kim Iwol (21 / eldest)
Notable trait: Woke up at the sound of the cameras being installed, so they failed to capture him waking up
‘This is so incredibly real.’
Spark was an idol group that couldn’t lie. But who would’ve thought they’d be this honest? Thanks to that, we got to see Iwol baking bread in a black T-shirt with his forearms on display. What a wonderful world.
Kim Iwol flipped the slices of bread with the practiced ease of a famous toast-shop owner in Noryangjin. He placed a frying pan on another burner and began making fried eggs as well.
Staff: Does Iwol cook bread at this hour every time?
Iwol: Whoever gets up early does it. Seongbin does it pretty often, too. Director, would you like me to toast you a slice?
While looking around the dorm and estimating how many people were there, Kim Iwol tore open the bag of bread without hesitation.
Once he had placed eggs on three slices with jam and three without, alarms began ringing in both rooms.
The first place shown on-screen was the large room by the entrance.
Lee Cheonghyeon, who had been sleeping with his face buried deep in his pillow, shut off the alarm by striking its button as though he were hitting a timer.
Cheonghyeon: ……Hyung Jeho.
Jeho: Yeah.
After confirming that the other was awake, the two slowly pushed off their blankets and got up. Baek Haewon couldn’t tear herself away from the scene for about three minutes, replaying Lee Cheonghyeon’s hoarse voice.
As Lee Cheonghyeon climbed down the ladder from the bunk bed, he checked Kim Iwol’s spot.
Cheonghyeon: When did this hyung go out? Seriously, he’s a genius at miracle mornings. A genius.
While Lee Cheonghyeon marveled, Choi Jeho picked up his glasses. He always wore contact lenses while filming, but today he seemed to have decided to wear glasses, as he usually did around the dorm.
Meanwhile, the other room had a somewhat more difficult time getting up. Kang Giyeon was vigorously rubbing his dry-looking face.
Seongbin: Giyeon, are you really sleepy?
Giyeon: No.
Juu: I’m really sleepy…….
Seongbin: Ahaha, you look it.
Despite being in the same room, this room felt much more human than the room of the members who sprang out of bed like flaming blades.
However, that only lasted a moment.
Seongbin: Gasp, looks like Iwol hyung is already up?
(Seongbin detects the smell of bread and shoots out of the room)
As Jeong Seongbin dashed out like an old man chasing a swarm of wasps, the kitchen gradually grew noisy.
Only after distributing toast to every single staff member did Spark gather around the dining table.
The bare faces of the members, who had gathered after only washing their faces, were…….
(100% pure morning bare faces)
……fucking incredible, even after taking off the fans’ rose-colored glasses.
How could not one of them be puffy after sleeping and waking up? Was it really possible that not a single one of them had been using elaborate makeup to make his eyes look bigger?
Apart from Park Juu’s hair, which was a little wrecked, perhaps because of his sleeping habits, Spark’s condition was more than respectable—good enough to be photographed for a news article on their way to work.
Seongbin: Hyung, you don’t have filming today, right?
Iwol: No. You guys don’t have any urgent schedules either, right?
Seongbin: Nope.
It had already been announced in the news that Kim Iwol was filming a drama. I had spent several exhausting days fighting keyboard wars with those assholes asking whether Kim-Pep was already planning to escape solo.
Cheonghyeon: I’ll do the dishes!
Juu: No.
Cheonghyeon: Why?
Juu: Cheonghyeon has to type on his keyboard…… You can’t get those precious hands wet.
Cheonghyeon: Hyung……!
Moved, Lee Cheonghyeon switched to wiping down the table.
Even on A-Wangsil, Spark was always running around and working their asses off. I guess that was all thanks to them dividing up the housework at the dorm.
Our kids are so fucking admirable. Someone stick six hundred grape stickers on them.
While there were combinations that showed such warm brotherly affection, there were also combinations that did not.
Jeho: I think the washing machine’s spin cycle is broken.
Iwol: Really? Then could you carry the laundry into the bathroom and spin around two hundred times as fast as you can? Like a fire-wheel game.
Jeho: Do you think I’m a manual centrifuge?
While Kim Iwol went to the balcony to look up the washing machine’s service number, Choi Jeho stared blankly down at the laundry dripping water.
Then he sighed and moved all the laundry to the front of the bathroom with Kang Giyeon.
‘No way? Are they really going to put on a laundry fire-wheel show?!’
Baek Haewon hoped discreetly, even while wondering whether Choi Jeho could really be that stupid. No, come on. People are allowed to hope.
Unfortunately, Choi Jeho did not demonstrate the rare spectacle of spinning the laundry around like a windmill.
Instead…… he showed off some fucking incredible veins.
More precisely, the “bulging forearms, veins standing out as though they might burst from wringing water out of the laundry.”
Baek Haewon calmly pressed pause. Then she picked up her phone.
J agadine @vbkasi2123
Yoo Jeho has really lost his mind, hasn’t he? Does he not know how scary the world is? There are guests over and he’s just baring his forearms and wringing laundry like a farmhand. Keep this up and you’ll be eating nothing but white rice.
Spotted Squirrel @QKsA_39kd
When Iwol said it, he asked if Jeho thought he was a manual centrifuge???? Then why is he doing manual centrifuging????? Is anything Iwol says actually treated like words???? Is what Iwol says really that funny to you????????
Rabbit???? @V_12nnvka2
I thought I’d read it wrong LOLㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Gown @fkvmd3w589
LOLㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ For a second I was like, “Is this expression even right?” LOL
Ppippi @kgoqwqw23
Ah, I want to screenshot this right now, upscale the image quality, and make it my icon, but there are so many killing points I can’t stop watching…… This is an ant hell. We’re getting a hundred episodes of dorm life, right? I believe in you, UA.
Haenyeo @UJ_sjgk10051
This is insanely stimulating and fucking crazy;;;
No matter how I think about it, how can they unleash such an evil, immoral piece of content? Just throw it out there indiscriminately? And make it suitable for all ages?
Kim Iwol’s back while baking bread is so blessed that I want to ask him for his college entrance exam secrets, but is this really okay??
He’ll probably say he studied mainly from the textbooksㅠ
???????????? @V_12nnvka2
LOLㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Why are college entrance exam secrets coming up there?ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
Oil Lamp @ajdhdq_QWR
LOLㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Your simping is even crazier.
Baek Haewon’s cultured commentary filled the timeline. Only after taking a few deep breaths could Baek Haewon resume her tour of Spark’s life at the dorm.
***
Spark’s riotous dorm story continued after that.
Seongbin: Giyeon, a package came. What did you order?
Giyeon: Ankle weights. The kind you strap around your ankles.
Iwol: Don’t tell me you’re going to wear them? What are you going to do if you damage your joints by using something like that carelessly?
Giyeon: Don’t worry. They’re for you, hyung.
Iwol: Oh, really?
Juu: You’re reassured because they’re for hyung……?
Kim Iwol, who loved his younger brothers so dearly that he couldn’t even sense his own dark future…….
Iwol: Next, Choi Jeho.
Jeho: I commend you for diligently announcing your schedule again this time.
Cheonghyeon: Hyung, you know you praised him for that last time too, right?
Iwol: That’s because there’s no sincerity. I sentence you to being praised by every member.
Jeho: Ha…….
Choi Jeho, who was beaten from every direction because he failed to praise Seongbin in a more varied manner, and countless other sides of them had all appeared.
More importantly, so this is what you guys do—fold laundry while praising each other. You’re so domestic, cozy, and adorable. The living room does look a little cramped, but still.
Giyeon: We’re supposed to work out at the dorm today, right?
Jeho: That’s right. We invited guests over. We can’t go to the gym while leaving them behind.
At Jeong Seongbin’s words, Kang Giyeon brought several exercise mats into the living room. A door that I had never once seen open was opened as well, perhaps because the room was being used as a closet.
There were definitely clothes hangers along the edges. But the center was simply…… the main branch of Spark Gym.
Even though they had eaten nothing but white bread, Spark worked out as though their lives depended on it. When Baek Haewon saw Park Juu—who looked the most vacant of them all—doing pull-ups while wearing gym gloves, she wanted to die on the spot.
Cheonghyeon: Giyeon, how about deciding who mops the floor with a plank challenge?
Giyeon: Go.
‘Don’t casually do high-stimulation planks like that just because you’re the maknaes! If you’re going to do them, put on muscle-fit T-shirts!’
By this point, it was clear Baek Haewon didn’t understand her own feelings very well. Her mind kept swinging back and forth as though something had possessed it.
But Kim Iwol, at least, read Baek Haewon’s heart with ghostly accuracy.
Iwol: If you’re going to plank, put on workout clothes and do it in the living room. The lighting is better there.
The younger members obediently changed into pale black workout clothes that clung tightly to their bodies and came out into the living room. At the same time, they revealed muscles without a single ounce of excess fat—muscles impossible to believe belonged to high schoolers—and began their plank battle.
‘Kim Iwol. Just what are you…….’
It felt as though the cries of the fans who loved Spark’s physical beauty could be heard all the way here. Baek Haewon herself was busy letting out all kinds of strange noises.
Still, the younger members retained a hint of boyishness. Still…… if only a little.
The eldest members’ workout intensity was on another level.
Iwol: (No change in speed)
Jeho: (No change in speed 22)
The arm muscles of Kim Iwol, doing one-handed push-ups, and Choi Jeho, doing one-arm push-ups while standing on his hands, were astonishing.
Because Choi Jeho had his back to the camera, the curved erector spinae visible beneath his half-lifted T-shirt came into view. Baek Haewon covered her forehead. She felt less like a guest and more like a thief.
‘This is why they say the hyungs don’t say a word when they go to the gym together.’
Even Baek Haewon wouldn’t have the energy to talk to anyone if she worked out like that.
Besides, they were only at the dorm now. To build those muscles with that level of stamina, how much must they tear through the gym? It would be a blessing if they happened to come and go together.
Spark continued to do nothing but work out for two full hours. Fortunately, the video repeatedly fast-forwarded and zoomed in at exactly the right moments, satisfying Baek Haewon’s dark desires.
Juu: Are we having a meeting this week……?
Seongbin: Yeah, we have to. There was something we left unfinished when we were discussing ─spoiler prevention─ last time. They asked us to consolidate our opinions.
Four words—“spoiler prevention”—sent sparks flying from Baek Haewon’s eyes.
Is something big coming? After making everyone sob so hard with a fan song recently, are they bringing out something else? Do I just have to wait for the Chuseok allowance event?
Seongbin: If hyung’s busy, you could look over the minutes later and just leave your thoughts…….
Iwol: I’m not busy. I’ve memorized all my scripts.
Cheonghyeon: Amazing, incredible, our hyung is a genius.
Iwol: ……Are you all doing some kind of surprise camera where you praise me as a group these days?
Kim Iwol asked, looking dumbfounded.
What the hell, Kim Iwol? You are amazing, incredible, and a genius. And you’re fucking handsome, too. Now that you know, sit quietly and accept the praise.
The screen soon blurred. The words SPOILER PREVENTION appeared in large letters at the center.
At that size, it had to be a comeback at the very least. Baek Haewon’s big data, accumulated over many years, said so.
‘The fan song was only a digital single, so there wasn’t even a single stage. This time, we have to wring it out like an old beef-bone soup.’
Her heart raced at the thought of applying for a prerecording audience spot with the authority of a first-generation Sparkler. Her lower eyelid seemed to twitch along with it. This was all because of fatigue, fuck…….
Rubbing her magnesium-deficient eyelid, Baek Haewon focused on the screen again.
Seongbin: Then shall we take a look at each member’s living area?
That’s what I’m talking about.
For the sake of everyone who has a favorite member, they had to release something like this once in a while!