Episode 151. Settling a Grievance
It was only after seeing my incredible plank that Jeong Seongbin permitted me to accompany him. All that effort I’d put into training my forearms was worth it.
And on a peaceful day, Jeong Seongbin and I found our way to an unfamiliar studio. It was the place Jang Junhu had told us about beforehand.
In front of the entrance, Jeong Seongbin took a deep breath.
He had every right to be nervous. It was already remarkable that he’d resolved to come here on his own.
“If you want to turn back, that’s okay too. Your Sunbae-nim will always be waiting for you right here.”
“Haha….”
I wasn’t joking. Jang Junhu was probably feeling like he was standing on the edge of a cliff right now.
Even though I’d cleared a path for him to step back, Jeong Seongbin chose the path of courage.
When we went up to the studio’s front door and rang the bell, the door swung open abruptly without a word. Jang Junhu stood before us, his expression stiff.
“Hello, Sunbae-nim.”
“Hello.”
Jeong Seongbin followed my energetic greeting with a small one of his own.
“…I see.”
Surprisingly, Jang Junhu returned the greeting. Perhaps it was a rare experience, because Jeong Seongbin’s eyes went wide.
As Jeong Seongbin and I sat side by side on the long sofa, Jang Junhu seated himself in the chair in front of his computer. After that, no one spoke for a long while.
Before coming here, there was exactly one thing I’d asked of Jeong Seongbin.
‘You know it won’t be a comfortable atmosphere, right?’
‘Yes….’
‘Still, don’t let it get to you. Don’t watch his mood, and don’t try to force the atmosphere to lighten for no reason. If you don’t feel like smiling, you don’t have to.’
It was the exact opposite of how I always told them to behave.
But the situation was different now. I didn’t want the victim to be made to feel small by the perpetrator.
Jeong Seongbin kept my words well.
Instead of forcing a smile saying he was fine or worrying about Jang Junhu’s displeased mood, he sat quietly, very quietly.
Jang Junhu’s gaze shifted to me once, then to Jeong Seongbin once.
This bastard still hasn’t come to his senses. He wronged Jeong Seongbin, yet he’s watching my reaction more, isn’t he?
I was waiting to see how long he’d keep his mouth shut when Jang Junhu spoke.
“I’ve thought about it, and I think I was a bit too hard on you.”
That was it. No other words followed after that.
Jang Junhu looked at me again. It was a gaze demanding a reaction.
I chose to remain silent. Then Jang Junhu hurriedly spilled out words.
“I did it because I was thinking of you. But then, I thought maybe it felt difficult from your perspective….”
The last time, when I’d told Jeong Seongbin to gather any evidence of Jang Junhu tormenting him.
Jeong Seongbin had scraped together everything from text messages to unfinished diaries and given them all to me. There were so many hard-to-read stories inside them.
How could someone who claims to be looking out for a far younger junior do such things? Could those actions really be anything other than difficult, painful, and tormenting?
If he knew how many diary pages had crinkled from being wet with tears then dried, could this bastard still say such things?
Jeong Seongbin’s two clenched fists resting neatly on his thighs trembled faintly.
I placed my hand over them. And slowly stroked his fists.
“Sunbae-nim.”
“….”
“It seems you’ve never written an apology letter before.”
Both Jang Junhu and Jeong Seongbin flinched. Strength slowly entered my left hand, which was stroking Jeong Seongbin’s hand.
“You haven’t said a single word of apology.”
When I sneered, Jang Junhu’s face contorted.
“Seongbin, would you step out?”
I’d suggested it, worried the coercive atmosphere might trigger unpleasant memories, but Jeong Seongbin refused. Instead of leaving, he stared straight at Jang Junhu.
“Listening to this, one might wonder if you actually did something wrong to Seongbin, Sunbae-nim.”
“Don’t be sarcastic.”
“It’s obvious you’re just trying to wrap this up and get out. How could I not? I came here as Seongbin’s guardian, more or less.”
At my words, Jang Junhu averted his gaze.
“You know as well as I do that our Seongbin is a good kid. Talented, hardworking, innocent, and considerate of others.”
“….”
“If you wronged someone like that, and even made this apology for your own peace of mind, you should at least properly ask for forgiveness.”
No one knew when Jeong Seongbin’s self-esteem, shattered by Jang Junhu’s sense of inferiority, would return. All because of one irresponsible adult.
Even so, Jeong Seongbin had come to give Jang Junhu a chance.
So then, if Jang Junhu was truly reflecting……
“Isn’t that the bare minimum of courtesy to Seongbin, who came all the way here?”
Jang Junhu hung his head.
If he were someone who felt shame from just a few words of mine, he wouldn’t have done such things in the first place.
So that must be the posture of ‘anguish.’ Wondering how to get through me and be forgiven by Jeong Seongbin.
Then, Jeong Seongbin rose from his seat. And he lightly grabbed my forearm.
“Hyung, let’s go.”
Had it become too hard to endure this atmosphere any longer?
When I looked up at him worriedly, Jeong Seongbin’s expression was far from passive.
Rather, it looked resolute, if anything.
“I thought this meeting was supposed to be for moving in a better direction.”
“Hey, Jeong Seongbin.”
Jang Junhu called out to Jeong Seongbin urgently.
But Jeong Seongbin wasn’t shaken. Instead, he continued calmly.
“But it seems that wasn’t the case.”
“….”
“If this isn’t the conversation I thought it would be, I don’t think I have anything more to say.”
Jeong Seongbin bowed at the waist. Then he turned around without hesitation.
At that moment, a loud sound came from where Jang Junhu had been.
A cast-aside chair was pushed back against the wall, and Jang Junhu was on his knees, head bowed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sunbae-nim.”
“I was wrong.”
When I’d been caught practicing so hard my nose bled and begged on my knees for forgiveness, Jeong Seongbin had desperately tried to lift me up.
The Jeong Seongbin of now was different. He simply looked down at Jang Junhu, who was prostrated before him, with a complicated expression, without doing anything.
“I wish you would forgive me….”
Jang Junhu’s hands shook violently.
He was probably feeling firsthand how much Jeong Seongbin had changed.
But this wasn’t enough.
As an adult, as someone who did wrong, he ought to know how to take responsibility for it.
With a ‘proper apology.’
“What exactly should Seongbin forgive?”
At my question, Jang Junhu’s head snapped up. The glare he shot at me was fierce enough to kill.
“I’m asking ‘what’ he should forgive.”
I spoke slowly, emphasizing each word.
Jang Junhu looked up at Jeong Seongbin. Jeong Seongbin’s shadowed face was looking at Jang Junhu.
“I cursed at you… threw things at you. I hit your head when I walked past. I nitpicked your recording for no reason when there was nothing wrong. I’m sorry for embarrassing you in front of people. I was wrong.”
Jang Junhu stammered out.
“Why did you do that?”
I asked again.
Jang Junhu bit his lip. The tips of Jang Junhu’s fingers, pressed against the floor, turned white.
Jeong Seongbin watched Jang Junhu for a long time. Still, when Jang Junhu didn’t open his mouth, the moment Jeong Seongbin tried to turn away.
“It was jealousy.”
Jang Junhu’s words caught Jeong Seongbin by the ankle.
“A brat much younger than me, no… I was furious that you were good. If I admitted that a kid who’d just become a middle schooler was better than me, I wondered how much he’d look down on me inside.”
“….”
“I vented my anger on you. When things weren’t going well, taking it out on you was the fastest and easiest way. I shouldn’t have, but I wasn’t in my right mind.”
Ugly feelings of inferiority poured out one after another. Jeong Seongbin’s expression as he listened quietly was hard to describe in words.
“I won’t ever do it again.”
“….”
“I promise. I’m begging you like this… so please forgive me just this once.”
Jang Junhu added. His forehead touched the floor.
Jeong Seongbin ended the conversation by saying he’d think about it. Then he and I came out of the building in silence.
Jeong Seongbin was quiet until we got in the car. I didn’t bother trying to talk to him either.
Jeong Seongbin opened his mouth inside the elevator going back to the dorm.
“It really wasn’t my fault.”
His voice was dry. Pretending not to notice, I answered while looking at the mirror on the opposite side.
“Of course. You’re not the type to go around causing trouble for others.”
Even at my words, Jeong Seongbin didn’t flash his usual grin or act flustered. He just sniffled and hung his head.
When the elevator doors opened, instead of taking him into the dorm, I headed for the emergency stairs.
As the metal door opened and closed, the surroundings grew quiet.
Only then did Jeong Seongbin bury his face in both hands.
“You did well.”
I hugged Jeong Seongbin. And slowly stroked his back.
Jeong Seongbin cried for a long time, until the smell of rust from the rusty hinges seeped into his T-shirt.
* * *
“Seongbin hyung has been so busy lately.”
Yi Cheonghyeon muttered, watching Jeong Seongbin talking with the Manager.
“He’s been organizing stuff in his room too.”
Gang Giyeon chimed in. Bak Juu nodded in agreement as well.
After Jang Junhu’s apology, Jeong Seongbin had become a bit brighter than usual. And he’d become much more proactive in everything.
“…I was worried he might be down, so I’m glad.”
Bak Juu smiled softly. He must have been quite worried about his friend.
With an expression bright enough to melt Bak Juu’s worries like snow, Jeong Seongbin came running over.
“Everyone! Our schedules for this month have been set!”
“Oh! How many?”
Yi Cheonghyeon craned his neck to see the paper in Jeong Seongbin’s hand.
“The thing is, we have to decide on them now.”
“Hm?”
Jeong Seongbin laid the paper he’d received from the Manager down on the floor.
The moment I saw the table packed as tight as a cheat sheet, I knew.
“There are a few overlapping schedules, so we have to exclude some events and interviews. And for programs where only some members appear, we have to decide who’s going.”
That Spark had skyrocketed.
And that now… the only thing left was to work like dogs running around.