Episode 103. 50-Minute Self-Introduction (2)
My past life had existed solely to accommodate others.
"Should we have loach soup for lunch today? If anyone can't eat it, try it now."
"Deputy Kim, wait. Give me a ride."
"Deputy Kim, please schedule a meeting with the department head for me."
No matter where I was or what work I did, there was no room for my own will.
For years, my duty was to handle assigned tasks without falling out of favor.
And now, such a person as me had to engage in small talk overnight to get people to look at me.
"Deputy Kim, do you know how busy executives are? Why on earth should I be spending my precious time listening to Deputy Kim right now?"
Whenever I tried to do something, Department Head Nam's voice rang clearly in my head. My breath caught in my throat.
But I still had to do self-PR, didn't I?
My self-PR score was already low. The time had come when I couldn't just sit back and watch any longer.
A sigh escaped me. With complicated feelings, I played the bass I had picked up for the first time in ages, day and night.
"Should I play a song I learned in band club? But what if they ask how I came to know this song? ...Should I play my high school anthem? But then it might be too boring?"
After thinking for a while, I reached a conclusion. That all this time, I had truly played the bass without any thought.
Is it okay for a person to have so little sense of self? I felt self-loathing.
What was the charm of Kim Iwol, the human, that could appeal to others?
No, did I even have something called charm? Me, who didn't have a single friend?
The more I thought about it, the more I bitterly felt that I had lived my life wrong.
So this was why that system bastard sent me back to the past. To live properly this time.
If I wasn't good at anything, I should at least have something distinctive, but unfortunately, the bass wasn't exactly an eye-catching instrument.
I could do speed playing, but I didn't think the fans would particularly like that.
To everyone who likes Kim Iwol, I'm truly sorry. A talentless idol weeps......
As I was clutching my head that felt like it would burst, Kang Giyeon knocked on the practice room door. The manager was calling for me.
* * *
"A solo variety show?"
As soon as Choi Jeho and I entered the conference room, the manager poured out many words in an excited state.
To summarize, a proposal for a solo variety show for our group had come in. It seemed to be a chain reaction from the recent broadcast of Dosaem.
"Since it's a MiTube-based variety show, the filming time isn't as long as last time, and the intensity is much lower. But you know young people these days watch MiTube more than TV, right? This is a much better opportunity for us!"
Very true. Moreover, they hadn't even designated guests, so how high the degree of freedom was.
This was an offer that had to be accepted unconditionally, without any deliberation.
...If only it wasn't a drinking show.
"No wonder they only called me and Choi Jeho."
Since we were the only ones who could drink, they probably didn't need to designate guests on their end either.
Right now, when I needed content to get my name out, a solo variety show was an opportunity like timely rain.
But the main theme being alcohol weighed on my mind.
Moderate drinking and a comfortable atmosphere? Good.
It was good, but.......
First, I had doubts about whether it was okay for the first solo variety show from a group where more than half the members are minors to be a drinking show.
It didn't seem very good for an idol with many young fans to be drinking heavily.
"Though Spark did get a good reaction when mentioning alcohol."
I still couldn't forget the community that was ablaze when Spark first brought up company dinner stories on the radio. That was when I first learned how diverse expressions of affection in Korean could be.
Still, if they were giving us a chance, how could we not go? I just needed to avoid actively encouraging drinking there.
So now the remaining question was who would go.
I glanced at the seat next to me. Choi Jeho hadn't managed to completely hide his discomfort.
I had expected this since hearing it was a drinking show.
That guy, he looked like he'd drink with anyone, but he didn't drink. I could only guess it was the influence of his father, who was said to have drunk heavily.
"Either way, there's only one choice."
At the thought of dirtying my liver that had finally been purified, a sigh escaped me inwardly.
But it couldn't be helped.
Since I'd decided to support him, I'd do my best.
* * *
"Do you drink well?"
After my voluntary declaration to appear, Choi Jeho asked as we were leaving the conference room.
"So-so. Why?"
I asked back, but Choi Jeho didn't answer.
This rude bastard. I should cover his whole body in soothing gel and leave him moist for five minutes.
Depending on the company atmosphere, but if asked about drinking capacity at Hanpyeong Industries, there was only one answer to give.
Whether you drank well or not, you absolutely had to say, "I'm not very good at drinking."
Hanpyeong Industries openly pressured you to drink, or subtly mocked you. It was because the underlying thought was "Let's see how long you can avoid drinking."
"Deputy Kim, you're coming for round two, right? For round two, find somewhere that sells good liquor."
"I'm not going home today! Our department is staying until the end today! Got it?"
"Deputy Kim, your glass is empty? You're already trying to leave when your superior is here? I didn't take you for such a sly person?"
Drinking coercion is said to be workplace bullying, but the people at Hanpyeong Industries always acted as if they were above the law.
Moreover, there were so many drinking gatherings. Since the HR team belonged to the management support department, there were team dinners, department dinners, dinners with executives, and more than enough places to go.
How many bottles had I chugged like that? I didn't know for sure, but if I had a body that couldn't handle alcohol, my liver would have been completely shattered by now.
"It's a relief my drinking capacity held up to some degree."
What I had gained from years at Hanpyeong Industries was anger toward the world, the ability to listen to others with one ear and let it out the other, and the TMI that I'm not someone who can't drink.
Since that's all I gained, what could I do? I had to make good use of even this.
"Don't worry."
At my words, Choi Jeho, who had been walking beside me, turned to me.
"Because I won't make mistakes while drinking."
I finished speaking and even showed him a reliable smile, but he only made a thoroughly displeased expression and went back to the practice room.
* * *
The variety show "People Who Drink" was filmed in a studio with a pojangmacha concept.
Before setting foot here, I was inundated with concerns from everyone at UA.
"Iwol, you shouldn't let your guard down and keep drinking just because you don't seem drunk, okay?"
"You have to keep getting up saying you're going to the bathroom. That's the only way to know if you're dizzy or not."
"It's better to hear them ask why you came out if you can't drink, rather than making a mess after drinking. Got it?"
I thought they usually trusted me enough to not worry, but at times like this, they treated me like a child. It was a privileged complaint compared to when I was at Hanpyeong Industries.
Following the program's rules, I shouted, "Are you open today?" from outside the door, and a reply of "Yes, please come in!" came from inside.
As I entered the studio, the MC of People Who Drink, hereafter Sulsal, welcomed me.
"Ah, what. Another handsome male guest? Didn't I say I won't accept any more handsome guests? This way I'll be compared from the thumbnail again?"
"Come on, sunbae. Please accept just up to him!"
"Oh? Look at him, is he already keeping his rivals in check?"
True to a comedian specialized in talk shows, the MC instantly poked at the awkwardness that could arise between people meeting for the first time. I too slipped through that gap and acted shamelessly.
"You have no idea how much I wanted to appear on 'Sulsal.' If you just let me pass today, I'll consider my wish fulfilled and do my best."
"No, how hard are you going to try? Let's sit down and talk first! Our camera directors are going crazy telling you to sit down right now!"
I smiled as if embarrassed, slightly bowed my head toward the camera directors, and was about to sit down when I saw a familiar face among them.
"Huh?"
"Right, Iwol. There's someone here who knows Iwol!"
At the MC's words, the director who made eye contact with me slightly nodded.
It was none other than the director I had met at Jang Junhu's music video shoot.
"It is Director Han, right? Long time no see!"
"Wow, Iwol has a good memory! Director, didn't you say you met Iwol about half a year ago?"
"I met him before my debut. I didn't know I'd be able to meet him again like this......!"
I had heard that writers who wrote dramas sometimes wrote variety shows, and directors who filmed movies filmed documentaries, but I didn't know I'd see such a case myself.
"Hey, don't go into your own world excluding me. I'll get sulky."
The MC laughed, throwing out a line slyly.
They say the world is small, but I didn't know it was this small.
I laughed along with the MC, resolving that I would make the Spark members watch their mouths more carefully when I returned to the dorm.
Sulsal's progression generally had a set routine.
First, the guest introduces themselves and talks briefly about their recent activities.
Here, the MC brings out a few bits of information they researched beforehand, and they drink an aperitif while conversing.
Next, when the guest orders their favorite drinking snack, the writers bring out snacks they prepared in advance.
At this point, talk usually comes up about drinking preferences, capacity, drinking habits, and other alcohol-related stories.
Until the part about recent updates, everything flowed very smoothly.
What recent news could an idol talk about besides comeback stories?
"But Iwol, how did Iwol become Spark's dignified delinquent?"
"It's a conspiracy. I'm planning to hold a hearing soon to uncover the truth."
"The nickname is so contradictory that I was surprised. You don't look like it, so I wondered if your real personality is no joke."
"No way!"
There were a few flustering bits of info, but I worried that a nickname like "Strongest Delinquent Kim Iwol" might end up sticking. When I get back, I won't let that bastard Kang Giyeon off the hook.
I almost spat out my drink, but handled it safely like an idol, and then the snacks came out.
With a bit of exaggeration, I probably spent the most time choosing snacks while preparing for this shoot.
The reason was simple. I had rarely chosen snacks according to my own will until now.
I always ate pork rinds that Department Head Nam wanted to eat, or menus chosen by sunbaes from my department or club. Things like incredibly expensive rolled omelets.
Ah, when drinking with my nuna, we used to buy a bag of jelly and eat that. She's my nuna, but she has quite a unique taste.
Since I wasn't someone who drank alone often either, choosing snacks wasn't easy.
I was too sorry to the fans who listened carefully to my every word to do a fake broadcast by arbitrarily making something up.
What I finally chose with difficulty was, this.