I silently watched Father descend the stairs.
‘Father. Do you know when I thought of you the most in my life before regression? When you died? When I went around gathering materials, dreaming of revenge? When my body and mind were exhausted? Or when I was lonely? None of those. It was when I reached the same age as you.’
I had never once had a proper, heart-to-heart conversation with Father, so I had thought there would be no longing for him. I thought it would be nothing more than a vague sort of yearning.
And yet, strangely enough, as I grew older, Father came to mind from time to time.
If it were now, I felt I could speak deeply with Father.
If it were now, I felt I could understand Father a little better. If it were now.
Father stopped a few steps in front of me.
Our gazes tangled in midair. I had faced Father many times, but never had there been a moment as tense as this one.
At last, Father asked.
“Did you say you were jealous because my Demon Venerables were impressive?”
His first words were for my sake. They were words that informed them that I had called the Demon Venerables impressive.
I looked around at the Demon Venerables standing on either side.
Briefly, my eyes met with each of theirs. The emotions in the gazes watching us were all different.
As always, the Fist Demon’s gaze was heavy. Beside the composed One-Flower Sword Venerable were the Drunken Demon’s half-lidded eyes, concealing his complicated feelings. The Demon Buddha’s eyes were filled with interest, the Poison King was indifferent, and the Blood Heaven Blade Demon was burning hot. The Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable was dignified, and the Extreme Evil Young Demon was smiling.
“Yes. I’m jealous enough to want to make every one of them my own Demon Venerables.”
The first to react was the Blood Heaven Blade Demon.
“Young Cult Leader, you should not say such things, even as a joke.”
Today, the Blood Heaven Blade Demon had clearly taken it upon himself to play the role of scolding me. He knew. He knew that someone had to take on that role here today. I was grateful to him for it.
“What can I do when they’re so impressive?”
The Blood Heaven Blade Demon sent me a strict glare. Is this how you’re going to be? Suppressing the urge to tease him, I bowed my head politely.
“I apologize. I will be more careful with my words and actions from now on.”
As I apologized, I saw the Demon Buddha looking at me and smiling. Among the audience today, he was enjoying himself the most.
These days, you’ve withdrawn and spend your time carving stone statues, so this sort of thing must be exciting, right?
As if answering my thoughts, the Demon Buddha’s radiance deepened.
Even so, I could not treat them carelessly. If I were alone with a Demon Venerable, or if it were only the Demon Venerables among themselves, it would be a joke; but a clumsy joke made in front of Father could become a grave discourtesy to the Demon Venerables.
With jokes, what matters more than making them is knowing how to hold back when you want to.
I looked at Father again.
“Father, there is one thing I would like to ask.”
Everyone’s attention focused on me. Amid the tension in the air, I finally asked Father this question.
“I would like to ask what your dream is, Father.”
I could feel everyone flinch. Their thoughts were probably, Surely he isn’t asking the Cult Leader that directly?
Naturally, everyone’s gaze shifted to Father. They were not waiting for the answer. There was no one here who did not know what Father’s dream was. They were curious how Father would react. Whether he would answer obediently, or become angry.
Father gave no reply.
Father’s silence heightened the tension. He did not release demonic energy, nor did his expression harden, and yet he made everyone tense.
The one who resolved that swelling, bursting tension was the Drunken Demon. He stepped forward in a slurred voice. Because the only person who could cut in at a time like this was a drunkard.
“Before asking about the Cult Leader’s dream, you should reveal your own first, Young Cult Leader.”
“Of course. My thinking was lacking. My dream changes often, so if you ask me later, I may give a different answer.”
I deliberately added those words first for Father to hear. Please do not dream only one dream. Dreams can change.
At that moment, the Drunken Demon thankfully asked this question.
“Does our Young Cult Leader’s dream change as often as you say?”
The quick-witted Drunken Demon understood my intention in bringing that up.
“Does a dream have to be just one? We only live once, so we can dream of this and then dream of that. And even if one has no dream, what of it?”
I spoke while looking at the Drunken Demon, but in truth, these words were meant for Father. Of course, Father would know that too.
I did not simply let the drunkard who had barged onto the stage leave.
“By any chance, Drunken Demon, do you have a dream?”
Normally, he would have laughed and said he would just spend his whole life drinking.
“To serve the Cult Leader and unify the murim.”
The Drunken Demon said the words “unify the murim” in his place. He knew Father would not say those words himself.
I will step forward in your place, so use me to say what you want to say to the Cult Leader.
He was repaying the guilt he felt for standing on Father’s side in this way.
“Do you think the world will become better if the murim is unified?”
Yes, this was something I could not ask Father directly.
“At the very least, it would be better than it is now.”
“No, I believe it will become worse.”
“What is your reason for thinking so?”
“Imagine a world where the demonic practitioners, the orthodox faction, and the unorthodox faction are all bound together as one. The demonic practitioners will think that since we unified the world, they should trample the orthodox and unorthodox factions beneath them. The unorthodox faction, soaked in defeat, will commit even more vicious atrocities. The orthodox faction will search for every possible method to reclaim the orthodox murim. In that process, there will be countless sacrifices again. In the end, it will become a world where everyone is dissatisfied.”
Father and the Demon Venerables quietly listened to me.
“Could we not strongly control that chaos?”
Speaking on their behalf, the Drunken Demon presented a solution.
“A murim ruled through oppression and control—is that the world you hope for through the unification of the murim?”
I said it while looking at the Drunken Demon, but these words, more than any others, were directed at Father.
I had actually experienced it. A murim where the balance among the demonic, orthodox, and unorthodox factions had collapsed. I had also learned that the nature of power never allowed a vacancy.
Another power known as the Twelve Zodiac Kings had taken that place, and life became even harsher for the martial artists.
It would be the same for us. The Eight Demon Venerables would simply take the place of the Twelve Zodiac Kings.
“I believe they are worlds that should never have been merged in the first place.”
Because the Drunken Demon stepped forward, I was able to say everything I wanted to say.
Now, sending the Drunken Demon down from the stage, I looked at Father. I could not tell what meaning my earlier words had carried to him.
Because Father was looking at me with an expression unchanged from the beginning.
“Father, setting everything else aside, I do not want to lose anyone here.”
“No one here fears death.”
“Yes, I know. I know that all of you are valiant people. I also know very well that you are people who would cast away your lives without hesitation at Father’s command. This is purely my personal feeling. It is my greed in not wanting to lose these people.”
With a serious gaze, I looked around at the Demon Venerables.
“I do not want to lose even a single person here. If one person dies, do seven not remain, you ask? No. For as long as I live, I will miss that one person.”
Perhaps Father could not understand. Why I wanted so desperately to keep them alive. Because he did not know the effort I had made before regression to save those who had to be saved.
My gaze, which had been directed toward the Demon Venerables, turned to Father.
“To confess honestly, this is an effort for the sake of my own life. That is right. It is my desperate struggle not to live a life spent longing for the dead.”
“Is that your dream?”
“No. This is my personal wish. It is merely my selfishness.”
“Then what is your dream?”
Father was allowing me to say everything on this stage. As if he were making me the protagonist of this stage.
Say everything you want to say before me and the Demon Venerables.
And so, perhaps, this would become an even more difficult battle.
“My dream is to live while pondering in that Taishi chair.”
Not only Father, but everyone revealed a puzzled look. With just those words, they would not be able to understand what I meant.
“I will sit in the Taishi chair and ponder. Which Demon Venerable should I visit today? What dish should I ask the Heavenly Demon Hall’s cook to make for me?”
“Does that seat look so leisurely to you?”
“I know that it is not. I know very well how much work Father handles from that seat.”
At his expression, which seemed to ask why I would say such a thing if I knew, I calmly asked Father in return.
“Then should you not ponder all the more? One cannot live working for an entire lifetime.”
“!”
Depending on how one took it, this was a clear provocation toward Father, and so the atmosphere sank again. Father himself remained still, but the reactions of the Demon Venerables shaped the mood.
“How should I handle work efficiently? How can I secure as much time for myself as possible? I will ponder that every day. Then, when I grow tired of it, I will go visit the Murim Alliance Leader. When I grow tired after teasing that straitlaced man, I will then seek out the Alliance Leader of the Evil Dao and ask him whether his dancing skills are still as good as ever. Living like that is my dream.”
My true dream was not to be trapped in that Taishi chair. To roam the world and live freely—that was my true dream.
But I could not say such a thing in front of Father. I could not tell such a dream to Father, who had lived his entire life in that Taishi chair for the sake of our cult. Nor for the sake of my elder brother, who had been pushed away from that Taishi chair.
So what I was saying now was a compromise of my dream. Father, can dreams not be compromised like this? Is it not because one handles them too preciously that one cannot fulfill them in the end?
“What about you, Father? Have you never wanted to live such a life?”
My answer and my question were treading a dangerous line. But if I did not speak this forcefully, I could not face Father on this stage. I could not persuade Father.
But the reality Father believed in was cold.
“That straitlaced Murim Alliance Leader you spoke of will one day stab a blade into your back and say he had no choice. That because he is the Murim Alliance Leader, he had no choice. Then, as he looks down into your dying eyes, he will spout some worthless chivalrous righteousness.”
The Fist Demon, the One-Flower Sword Venerable, and the Demon Buddha nodded. The Blood Heaven Blade Demon and the Drunken Demon did not react, but their expressions were not far from Father’s thoughts either.
Separate from their relationship with me, they did not trust the orthodox faction. And how could that distrust be limited only to the orthodox faction?
“How long do you think the Alliance Leader of the Evil Dao can keep dancing? At what point in those dance steps will a surprise attack emerge? Do you truly believe humans will not change? Do you believe they will remain steadfast in the face of circumstance or profit?”
I gave no answer. If I wanted to refute him, there were things I could say, but I did not. At least on this matter, it was a conclusion Father had reached through his long life and experience.
I let out a light sigh and spoke quietly.
“Perhaps that may be so.”
Then I looked around at the Demon Venerables.
“Is there no one who will step forward and help me at a time like this? Someone who will say, ‘Cult Leader, it will not necessarily be so!’ Anyone?”
The Blood Heaven Blade Demon spoke with his eyes. You brat, stop fooling around. Be serious!
The Demon Buddha was simply smiling from pure amusement.
The One-Flower Sword Venerable’s eyes seemed to say, I am sorry, and the Drunken Demon pretended to be drunk.
And at this moment, someone truly unexpected stepped forward.
“The Young Cult Leader will not be defeated so easily.”
It was not the Extreme Evil Young Demon. The one who stepped forward was someone I thought would absolutely never do so—the Fist Demon.
“He may look that way on the outside, but the Young Cult Leader does not trust people easily.”
“As expected! Master knows his disciple well. But are those words praise? Or an insult?”
I spoke to Father again.
“Even if I am deceived by them, it will be all right. I am training in martial arts like a madman in preparation for that moment. A blade from behind will not pierce my skin, and in the end, those dance steps will remain only a dance.”
“Are you saying you will let the martial arts you have built with such difficulty go to waste?”
“I am saying I will enjoy life with that skill.”
“By worrying over something as trivial as what to eat and where to go play?”
“Yes, that is what I will do.”
Father, who had been gazing at me, slowly moved his feet.
The place Father headed toward was before the Extreme Evil Young Demon.
The Extreme Evil Lesser Demon’s gaze was calm, but I was the one who tensed instead.
“Even so, will you still support the Young Cult Leader?”
It was a burdensome question. The question itself carried the demand that he answer no.
But like his pure white mask, the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon’s heart was of one mind.
“Yes. I support the Young Cult Leader’s will.”
Father asked him again.
“Even if you can never wear that Immortal Ghost Mask of yours for the rest of your life?”
The Immortal Ghost Mask was the mask the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon wore when he went to war. In the past, when the Demon Venerables had stepped forward before Father for my sake, the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon had worn the Immortal Ghost Mask and pleaded with Father.
Since it was the mask he cherished most, Father had struck where it would hurt the most.
But the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon spoke to Father more courteously than ever.
“Fortunately, I have many masks.”
The Extreme Evil Lesser Demon’s gaze, which had been directed at Father, turned to me.
“I will live the rest of my life wearing the Pleasure Ghost Mask with the Young Cult Leader.”
The Pleasure Ghost Mask was the mask worn for major events or banquets within the cult.
Though he had given up the Immortal Ghost Mask he loved most, the two eyes within his mask were clear and deep. That gaze he had when he revealed his true feelings.
Before none other than Father, he had shown his sincerity. There was only one way I could repay it.
I will make that banquet the grandest banquet of all.
All the Demon Venerables looked at the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon. Each of their gazes held different emotions.
Father said nothing more to the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon. Had Father truly asked without knowing he would react that way?
This time, Father stood before the Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable.
She was dignified even before Father. After all, everyone who knew anything knew that Father did not favor the Poison King or the Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable. That was why she tried even harder to stand tall.
I thought he would ask why she had sided with the Young Cult Leader, but Father asked an unexpected question.
“Is your training going well?”
Though inwardly flustered by the gentle question, the Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable answered politely.
“I am training diligently.”
I thought he would simply encourage her and turn away.
“Do not forget. You are my Demon Venerable.”
This time, the Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable was startled and moved. She had thought she stood outside Father’s favor.
“Will you still stand there?”
The Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable was flustered. She looked at me.
There are many times when I do not know what Father is thinking, but at least I know this much for certain.
He is not the sort of person who would pressure a young Demon Venerable in a situation like this and bring her over to his side.
Which means? This was not Father pressuring me, but him looking after her.
He was telling her that it was not yet time for her to stand out. It was Father’s intention and consideration that she should simply grow quietly among the Demon Venerables.
I conveyed my thoughts to her with my eyes.
It is all right for you to go.
The Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable, understanding my meaning, cupped her fist toward me with great courtesy.
“I will serve you well later.”
She crossed the red carpet and stood on the other side.
Of course, what I said was completely different from the look I had given her.
“This is too much! Did you even think about who you’d be spending more years as a Demon Venerable with before deciding? Where in the world is there such a spineless ghost!”
The Demon Buddha, standing beside her, smiled brightly.
‘Not easy, is it?’
On this stage, Father was strong.
Me, the Extreme Evil Lesser Demon, and even the Soul-Capturing Demon Venerable. He was leading this stage while looking after and showing consideration to all of us.
Father never became agitated. His battles had dignity, and they were elegant.
All the Demon Venerables’ gazes turned toward me. The question contained in their eyes was the same.
Young Cult Leader, what will you do now?
Absolute Regression, Chapter 444