Chwima’s face flushed red.
Whether it was the alcohol, the sunset, or the shame buried deep for so many years, it was impossible to tell.
“I should drink more.”
I, who had been about to stand, sat back down.
I know the reason why Hyeolcheon Doma and Ilhwa Geomjon’s relationship soured. That the two had once liked each other as man and woman and parted on bad terms. But I hadn’t known that Chwima was involved in that breakup.
“From the old days, the Geomjon and I would occasionally drink and talk. One day, the Geomjon asked me. Whether I knew what kind of person Doma was. I asked why she asked. She said Doma had drawn her a picture. I asked to see what kind of picture. It was a beauty portrait of the Geomjon. The moment I saw that picture, drawn more beautifully than the real thing, I could tell. Ah, so Doma likes the Geomjon. I had a hunch right then.”
Them in their youth. Hyeolcheon Doma drawing a picture for a woman! Truly an unimaginable sight.
“As expected, from then on Doma began expressing his liking for the Geomjon. Inviting her to tea, going for walks. The Geomjon told me everything about her meetings with Doma. Do you know how I felt then?”
“Was it bad?”
“Very much so.”
“Did you like the Geomjon too?”
“It wasn’t like that from the start. Because Doma liked the Geomjon, my heart suddenly grew urgent. Until then, I had thought the Geomjon liked the Sect Leader. So I had thought she wouldn’t accept anyone, but that wasn’t the case. She had purely respected the Sect Leader.”
I poured alcohol into Chwima’s cup. He stared blankly at the cup, recalling the past.
“One day, while drinking, I subtly revealed to the Geomjon that I liked her. However……”
Chwima couldn’t continue. I sighed and spoke in his stead.
“You were rejected.”
Chwima slowly nodded.
“She said her heart went out to Doma.”
Suddenly Chwima shouted in anger.
“Does that make sense? Does it make sense?! That scrawny, ugly Doma, even much older than us! I was so furious I couldn’t sleep a wink. I was angry at myself for not confessing more carefully, and even angrier that she had caught my flustered expression at the moment of rejection.”
Without hiding anything, Chwima told me honestly everything of that time.
“These thoughts tormented me. Truthfully, I hadn’t liked the Geomjon that much. So perhaps the thought of not wanting to give her to someone else had spurred me to confess? Making such excuses because I was rejected, the fool! For several days I couldn’t sleep.”
Thinking of the current sinister Chwima, it was a purity truly impossible to imagine.
“Isn’t youth the time of foolish beasts led by instinct?”
“But you weren’t?”
I was too.
“Damn it! Just thinking about that time makes me so embarrassed and annoyed I could die!”
Chwima sprang up and paced back and forth in the pavilion. Then he leaned against the railing and looked at the now-darkened lake.
“From that day, my heart grew twisted. Though I didn’t show it outwardly, I wanted to tear the two apart somehow. But as time passed, the Geomjon’s fondness for Doma only grew. Then came a certain day.”
Chwima lit the lantern attached to the pavilion pillar. Getting angry, speaking, pacing, lighting a fire. His complicated heart was conveyed through his actions. When the lantern lit, the surroundings brightened.
“I was walking down the pleasure house corridor when I heard Doma’s voice. He was drinking with martial artists of the Nam Dojong. I don’t know if they were talking about the Geomjon, but the Nam Dojong martial artists were asking about the Geomjon. How much he liked her, had they kissed? Had they slept together? The kind of things friends say when they gather, but I was furious to the tips of my hair. Those bastards!”
Chwima emptied his drink. I drank as well. Perhaps because of the mood, I didn’t get drunk even after drinking. I felt as if I were standing in that pleasure house corridor with young Chwima.
“I should have just kicked the door open and flipped the table then. You bastards! Shut your mouths!”
“Why didn’t you?”
“The moment I broke that door, I felt like my life would end too.”
Those of us in the present know. That even if he had, nothing much would have happened. Looking back, it would only be remembered as a day of fighting and cursing.
“The next day, when I met the Geomjon, I told her about yesterday. The truth was, I met Doma at the pleasure house yesterday. That alone would have upset her, but I even passed on words he never said. I spoke as if the words those with him were spouting were Doma’s own words. That Doma was talking about kissing you. I still vividly remember my heart racing madly as I said those words. Me, doing such a despicable thing? Me, being such a lowly person? My heart raced and my head reproached me, but my mouth was saying, ‘Men usually put on airs in front of courtesans.’ I don’t even know if there were courtesans in that room that day.”
Crack.
The pavilion railing was torn off in Chwima’s hand. Rage and regret could be felt from his drunken eyes. I could now clearly see where that hollow gaze had originated.
“Some time after that, the Geomjon told me. That she had fought terribly with Doma and broken up. From that day on, the two fought every time they met.”
“Did you continue to drive a wedge between them afterward?”
Chwima shook his head.
“There was no need. Once the relationship twisted, it unraveled uncontrollably. Rather, these days I freely drive wedges. I even drink with the Geomjon while cursing Doma for fun.”
“Have you considered apologizing to the two of them?”
“I have.”
“But why didn’t you?”
“Had it been for some grand reason, I might have apologized to the Geomjon. But to say I did it out of jealousy, I simply couldn’t. Or perhaps I still wished the two wouldn’t do well.”
Chwima looked at me and added.
“I am such a petty and despicable fellow.”
“I know.”
“What?”
“Then did you think I considered you an upright and honest person? Sinister and wicked……”
“Enough!”
It seemed his stomach churned to hear his own slander from another’s mouth after all.
“What did I do so wrong! If they were going to break up over a few words, they were going to break up anyway, weren’t they? Right? It’s true he went to the pleasure house, and it’s true he brought up the Geomjon in the first place, isn’t it? Who told him to go? Who told him to meet me there? Damn it!”
I realized. That for all those long years, it hadn’t only been Doma and the Geomjon who fought. Perhaps Chwima had fought the fiercest of all.
“You’re right. If those two truly loved each other, they shouldn’t have been shaken by such things. Even if left alone, they would have broken up for some other reason.”
“Right? Isn’t that right?”
When I took his side, Chwima came beside me and giggled. Then he suddenly sighed.
“When they said they broke up, I wasn’t the least bit happy.”
Now was the time to ask why.
“Why did you tell me this?”
“Didn’t you keep asking? Why I approached you. Not long ago at a drinking gathering, the Geomjon said. That you want to make Doma and herself your left and right wings.”
“Did you come to cut the wings? Or to mend them so we can fly together?”
Chwima shook his head.
“I don’t know either. Seeing Doma and the Geomjon together around you, I just thought I should jump in too. Though I didn’t expect to end up saying all this.”
“Do you feel better now that you’ve said it all?”
“I’m already regretting it. Why did I have to reveal such pathetic deeds with my own mouth? Like I was possessed by a ghost. Completely caught up in that talk about half-purity or whatever.”
He flopped down on the floor. And looking blankly up at the pavilion ceiling, he spoke.
“You’ll think of this every time you see me from now on.”
“I suppose I will. Sigh, our pathetic older brother.”
At my words, Chwima laughed. The small laugh gradually grew bigger. After a refreshing bout of laughter, he asked.
“Will you reveal the truth to those two?”
I shook my head.
“That’s not for me to decide.”
“I intend never to reveal it to them, though?”
“Do that.”
“You’ll really let me do that.”
“Please do.”
Chwima sprang up and looked at me.
“Don’t you want those two to reconcile?”
“Would those two truly be happier knowing the truth?”
“!”
“Setting aside hatred for you, those two would grieve even more that their love failed for such a reason. Because it cannot be turned back, that regret would only grow. Can those two start a new love now? Is that possible? In the end, all three of you would become more miserable than you are now.”
I think it is a truth that must be buried forever. Hyeolcheon Doma might fly into a rage and try to kill Chwima. Even if he killed Chwima, Hyeolcheon Doma would pay the price as well. And what of the Geomjon’s heart in the midst of that? After all, this happened because Chwima liked her.
“Think of it as using up your one chance to reveal the truth on me right now.”
There will be a great difference between whether you told me or not. Because this past that clings like a specter is not something one can face alone.
“If you free yourself from the obsession that the truth must be revealed, you might instead reconcile the two better. Starting now, try to get closer to Hyeolcheon Doma, and when drinking with the Geomjon, offer praise instead of slander. Then wouldn’t an opportunity to connect those two arise unexpectedly someday? Give them wings even now.”
“You should be the older brother.”
“I refuse. If I’m going to tease our pathetic older brother, it’s more fun if he’s the older brother.”
Chwima’s expression became much more at ease. Having said everything, he looked relieved.
“Do keep one promise.”
“What is it?”
“Cut down on drinking, and eat your snacks. Since it’s come to this, we have to let our pathetic older brother live a long life.”
I don’t know if Chwima’s fate will change with today as a turning point. Even with this, whether he’ll eventually die of drink, or live a different life.
Perhaps changing his fate will make him die even earlier. But that’s fine. Any death is better than the final moments of Chwima dying from alcoholism.
“Hyung, let’s have one last drink. I can’t drink anymore. And…… thank you for being honest with me.”
The expression with which he looked at me was something I had never seen before. Can we truly maintain this expression toward each other until the very end?
“Little brother…… thank you.”
Chwima toasted toward my cup.
* * *
The next day, Father called for me.
When I entered the Heavenly Demon Hall, I sensed the atmosphere was different from usual.
Grand Strategist Sama Myeong was there, and my older brother Geom Muyang was present as well.
After greeting Father and Sama Myeong, Geom Muyang spoke to me.
“You reek of alcohol. The smell of alcohol in a place where you meet Father?”
“I drank a bit too much yesterday. With the person who likes alcohol the most in our sect.”
I deliberately mentioned Chwima. Geom Muyang tried to act composed.
“Yes, I heard you’ve been spending time with Chwima lately. Don’t drink too much.”
Geom Muyang must be feeling displeased. He would have wanted Chwima to come cause problems for me, but instead it must look like the two of us are having a good time.
Even so, Geom Muyang was trying his best not to show his emotions. Truly, my older brother in front of Father becomes a different person.
“Shouldn’t you be more careful, Hyung?”
“What do you mean?”
“I heard you’ve been hanging around with the Poison King these days? Mine is alcohol, but yours is poison, isn’t it? Be careful, Hyung.”
Even in front of Father, a sharp war of nerves unfolded. I deliberately didn’t hide it. From Father, and from my older brother.
As could be seen from Chwima’s case, emotions hidden and hidden again eventually cause problems. Fighting openly like this and engaging in a battle of nerves. This is the right way if I’m going to fight to save my older brother. Because if you’re angry outwardly you curse, but if you’re angry inwardly you send assassins.
Father watched our conversation with an unknowable gaze, then signaled Sama Myeong with a nod.
Then Sama Myeong stepped forward and spoke.
“Today, different missions will be given to the two young masters.”
In Sama Myeong’s hand were two red envelopes.
The inevitable had finally come. The true trial to decide the successor had begun.
“To ensure fairness, please choose whichever one you prefer.”
The moment I saw those envelopes, my heart surged.
Before the regression, today came to mind. The two missions given to us.
My older brother succeeded, and I failed.
By botching this mission, I completely fell away from the successor’s position.
Just as in the past, this time too my older brother gave me the first chance to choose.
“Choose first. Don’t regret it later if you chose wrong.”
“That probably won’t happen.”
Slowly, I reached out my hand and chose one of the two envelopes.