8.
From within the boy’s cast-off shell, a girl appeared.
The boy, who had thought all his life that he would be ordinary, came to understand himself for the first time.
That he was not just an ordinary human.
When he did not understand himself, he had to feel the gazes of others.
“…”
Whether he did not know what it was, or whether he knew exactly what it was.
Seeing their gazes, he avoided them.
Feeling all those gazes directed at him, he closed his eyes.
At the end of all that running and hiding was a place where someone played guitar in the dark night.
The gentle sound of guitar playing drifted over.
Feeling at peace as he listened to that sound, he kept going to the park.
Whenever he saw the person playing guitar in that same spot, he could feel the things in his heart disappear.
Even if they built up again, whenever he was in the park, all of it disappeared.
No matter who tormented him.
Even in the moments when he turned away because he was afraid to face them.
When he was in the park, all of it disappeared, and he found himself looking at what he had turned away from.
“…Don’t.”
There, he gained courage and moved forward.
He asked the group, who tormented him for reasons he could not understand, why they were doing it, and told them to stop.
Jeong Yuna opened her eyes like that.
She stood still, looking up at the morning sky.
“…Not exactly a dream I wanted to have.”
Having faced her past self again in a dream, Yuna shook her head.
9.
Water pouring from the shower soaked his hair.
Taeyeon looked ahead.
At his own faint reflection in the mirror, blurred by steam.
“…”
After finishing his shower, what Taeyeon saw was the picture frame that was always lying facedown.
He wondered if he should touch it, then shook his head.
Today, too, he hesitated and ended up unable to do it.
The frame was still looking at the floor.
“The date…”
Taeyeon was looking at the calendar.
The day that was always marked on the calendar.
Knowing that day was drawing near, Taeyeon felt complicated.
A house where he was alone.
Spaces he used alone.
And things that were not like that.
Among them, Taeyeon sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.
He saw two figures.
He saw one figure.
The three of them were not here, yet they were.
Not even he knew what he was looking at, or what he wanted to see.
Taeyeon looked at the guitar beside him.
Taeyeon could heal people by playing the guitar.
‘But why.’
However, that healing did not reach Taeyeon.
Taeyeon’s playing could never be directed toward himself.
Taeyeon did not know the reason.
Even if it was his own ability, that did not mean he could understand it.
So Taeyeon always put away what was inside him.
He put it away and never took it out again.
Because there was no one who would like it if he did.
10.
On a rainy day, Yuna looked at the weather through the classroom window and thought.
What should she do today?
She never went to the park on rainy days.
Because if she stood in the rain listening to the performance, she felt like her parents would nag her.
So she never knew what happened on rainy days.
Even when she thought about going, she could not easily do it.
“It’s raining a lot.”
“It is. Did you bring an umbrella?”
“I did, but…”
Yuna was not looking at the rain.
In the rain, she was wondering whether Taeyeon would perform today as well.
Wondering, or perhaps worrying.
After school ended, Yuna opened her umbrella and headed for the park.
Careful not to get wet, she arrived at the park, where there were no people.
Because no one came to the park on rainy days.
As she looked around the park like that, she was able to see someone.
“…Oh.”
“Ah, hello.”
She met Taeyeon, who did not have his guitar and was simply holding an umbrella.
11.
He could not play on rainy days, but that did not mean he could stay home all day, so Taeyeon had taken an umbrella and spent a little time in the park.
He could not empty his mind, but it was still better than staying at home the whole time.
As he quietly looked up at the sky in the park, he met Yuna.
Since it was hard to talk in the rainy park, they moved to a nearby café.
“Do you come to the park even on rainy days?”
“No, I was just curious. About whether you play even on rainy days, Taeyeon oppa.”
“It’s difficult to do it on rainy days.
I could if I tried, but there are a lot of limitations.
And if I stay home all the time on rainy days, that’s hard in its own way.”
“Ah, I see.”
Yuna slowly drank her cocoa.
Taeyeon was drinking coffee as he watched her.
“Yuna… do you like my playing?”
“Yes, I do. And you can just call me Yuna.”
“No, that’s a little…
Thank you for liking my playing.
There aren’t many students who like my playing like this.
Or rather, it’s simply rare to see students at the park.”
“Were there none at all?”
“No, there were.
There were, but… it’s hard to meet them again.”
Seeing Taeyeon slowly touching his cup, Yuna did not ask any further.
Because she felt that this was something she should not ask more about.
Taeyeon let out a short sigh.
“Do you like the rain?”
“The rain? I don’t really like it.”
“To be honest, I don’t like rainy days very much either.
On rainy days, things often happen, so I find myself becoming more and more depressed when it rains.”
Depressed.
At Taeyeon’s words, Yuna was silent for a moment.
“Is it hard for you?”
Yuna asked Taeyeon.
At the sight of Yuna, Taeyeon gave a small nod.
“It probably is.
The death anniversary is coming up soon, too.
And maybe it’s just because rainy days are traumatic for me.
Ah, I’m sorry.
This probably wasn’t a good thing to talk about.”
“It’s okay.
Everyone has things like trauma.
If you keep holding on to unpleasant things from the past, you end up getting sick.”
Getting sick.
At Yuna’s words, Taeyeon drank his coffee.
He was sick.
He knew that, but he had no way to fix it.
Along with a sigh came the sound of ice clinking.
12.
After a brief conversation at the café, he returned home.
Taeyeon changed out of his wet clothes and sat on the living room sofa.
A familiar number was calling his phone.
He did not answer.
He looked at the text.
[What are you going to do this time?
You never answer no matter how many times I call, so I’m worried.]
A text sent by a relative.
Taeyeon thought about how to reply to it, then began typing.
[I’ll leave it to you again this time.
I don’t think I can do anything yet except look at it alone.]
[All right. It’s not your fault, so don’t think of it as your fault.
If there’s anything you need, tell me.]
He placed his phone on the table and stood up.
Taeyeon picked up the picture frame he had always kept covered.
How long had it been since he touched this frame?
In the end, if the death anniversary had not been drawing near, he would not have touched it at all.
He was afraid to look at it.
“…”
There were four people smiling.
Now, there was only one person left in the house.
He recalled what his relative had said to him.
‘Don’t think of it as your fault.’
How could he not think that?
Taeyeon scratched his head.
Taeyeon put the frame back down.
The frame was still facing the floor.
The four people who had been smiling were not here.
The one person who remained did not smile either.
What smiled was only an expression that looked that way.
Only an expression meant to make him seem all right.
Nothing was all right anywhere.
Taeyeon lay down on the sofa.
He closed his eyes.
Even with his eyes closed, there was something he could see clearly.
13.
A night when rain was not falling.
As always, Yuna headed to the park.
There was no performance at the park today.
“Are you not playing today?”
Yuna found Taeyeon sitting nearby and asked him.
Taeyeon answered with a smile.
With an expression that made it clear he was smiling, but it was not a smile.
“I think it’ll be hard for me to play for a while.
There’s somewhere I need to go, and I need to sort out my thoughts.”
Yuna nodded.
Taeyeon looked at Yuna and showed a bitter expression.
“I should be showing you a smile, but it isn’t easy.
It’s just an emotionally difficult time for me.”
“It’s okay.
If it’s hard, then there’s nothing you can do.
Still… you’re all right, aren’t you, oppa?”
She asked Taeyeon if he was all right.
Taeyeon looked at Yuna as she asked him that.
Should he say he was all right, or should he speak clearly about himself?
That was what he was thinking.
“I have to be all right.
There are people waiting, after all.
People like you, Yuna.”
Taeyeon chose neither.
He simply swallowed it down.
Because Yuna knew that kind of expression well, she felt worried.
But she did not show that worry to Taeyeon.
Because she did not know what would happen if Taeyeon saw her looking worried.